I am 10:45 at night
Alone and waiting for
You to suddenly care
I am the flickering of that old
Light you hate in the kitchen
I am the crack in the pavement
Once the rain has dried
Barely more than a scar
After drowning for days
I am the ring on the coffee
Table leftover from that time
You drank all night feeling so
Warm when you looked into
Eyes that weren't mine
I am three half read books
Collecting dust in silence wondering
If you will ever remember-
If you will ever come back
I am everything you overlook
Everyday I am everything
You ever felt
And never let me feel

The concrete is holding
You up and
Your blonde hair is
Sticking to your head
And your eyes keep closing
Because you're tired
But I know it’s only
So you can pretend I’m not here
Happy birthday, you cried and
You said it like it hurt
And I knew it did because
You never left
The night that he hit you
After you snuck to
The bathroom
To do coke with the girl
You loved more than your
Daughter
That's why
You spit his name into
The ashtray
Trying to put out
The fire
That you didn’t know
Wasn’t ever yours
Because fire needs oxygen
And it’s hard to catch
A breath when you
Died the day he said
He loved you
And you only love
Your son
Because he looks like
The father
Who you buried
In the backyard
Next to the tree
That you over watered
And you thought you
Were taking care of
It but you never
Loved anything enough
To let it grow.

I wish I could tell you every
Dumb ******* thought I had
About you and I and us.

About how we would marry
In front of the world
And you would shout
To the stars at night,
Telling them I'm yours, completely.

About how your words
Would never feel like
The Sun setting on my soul
And every morning
Your fingers would carve
A picture of love
Into my back.

Your thoughts would stay wrapped
Around me in afternoon traffic,
Not even breaking in
The noise of the
Miserable souls drifting
Around and passed you.

You'd melody my name into
A song of love
Before you'd even walk
Through the door,
Knowing my name was yours
To sing-
And yours alone.

Alone.
Alone. Alone.
Here I am.
Alone.

Anxious hearts
And loving nerves.
Late night stories
Of our lives
From up here.

These scars I
Show you,
But you refuse
To see.

Tell your friends,
Tell your family
Of this girl
You have found
That sits so perfectly
On your pedestal.

I'm shaking.
I cannot see.
My anger means nothing.
I mean nothing.
My fire is gone-
Only ash remains.

And where has
My halo gone?
Why did you take
What you had given?

Empty bottles,
Happy hearts.
Everything is fine.
Give me more-
More to drink,
More to regret.

Help.
I'm lost.
One more drink?
Oh, thank you.
My life is shattered.
You're saving me?
The room is spinning,
But you've done your job.

You've finished.
I'll have one more.
I'm diving deep.
The waves are crashing.
I am going under.
You watch as I hit
Rock bottom.

Pull me up.
Anything. Please.
You grab my hand,
Another drink in yours.

I hate me.
You hate me.
Have one more,
That's what your
Love is made of.

One, two, three,
We've lost count.
We've lost ourselves.