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 Jul 2013 Catherine Queen
Anna
My eyes
Are the warm blue-grey of
The moments just before
My beloved Wisconsin sunrise
My veins, just below scared skin
Burn for a breeze
And a day that doesn't feel
Like an old painful memory.
I want to be on my motorcycle.
I want the hazardous road unraveling
Right behind me
Away from that sunrise
Away from the people
Written in my scars.
I never expected for this to happen.
For your charming smile and sweet little lips
To grab ahold of my pounding heart
And make me wish I could remain in your grasp forever.
You did not have to do much,
Just look at me and smile
And I was sold.
Your allure was like nothing before,
You were magnetic
And it was inevitable that I could not keep away for long.
After waiting and waiting for a chance to know
Just what it would be like,
And what was there
I finally tasted the sweet peace of us.
I relished your touch
And counted every second we had
As if it were the only reason to keep awake.
You tempted me for so long,
And after the waiting
There was no way to turn back.
But of course,
The moment of finally tasting this sweetness
Had to be taken away.
And irrevocably
I will not forget it.
I cannot forget
The simple sweetness
Of that moment
We finally embraced the peace of us.
Dormant I Await For His Love To Warm My Frigid Heart,
Ravenous I Prowl His Mind As He Rules Over My Own,
Everyday I Ache Just A Little Bit More, For I've Failed To
Win Him Over, Time After Time, Being So Close--Yet Too Far,
And As I Trudge Closer To His Soul I Feel Just A Bit More Empty,
Under The Influence Of My Own Wanting I Am Battered,
Muttering To Myself, "Why Do You Keep Playing The Game?"
Numerous Of Others Have Fell Into And Lost By The First Round,
Danger Signs Have Not Steered Me Away, I've Been Getting Even Closer,
Searing Pains In My Chest Have Left Me No Option But To Carry
On--Thinking Getting So Close To His Soul Will Relieve My Own,
Nevertheless, Deep Down I Feel Sad, For It's Real Tough Being In Love

*Especially With Your Best Friend
Well Recently I've Realized I've Been Wishing My Guy Best Friend Was More Than Just My Best Friend. Sorry For Being Sappy, I Just Really Needed To Get That Off My Chest :)
 Jul 2013 Catherine Queen
Evynne
You look at her and think about how she always stares at you with the same eyes
Like she knows something that you don't
Maybe even something you will never know
She has the kind of smile that says
"You don't know me
And you never will"
And it drives you crazy
Makes you feel like squeezing the sides of your head so tight
It eventually snaps under the pressure and evaporates
Into the air surrounding it
Soaring through the physical universe
Until it becomes another entity
So you have no other choice than to love her
How could you not?
But maybe she is just one of those things that looks so sweet and desirable
Until you have it
And you're stuck wondering
Why did I ever want this as much as I did
One of those things where the build up is intense and captivating and you fall in love with the chase until you're let down once you finally get there
But she is too much right now
Much too enticing
Much too alluring
And the thought of having her
Might mean knowing her deepest parts
And keeps you latched on
The mere thought of having her all to yourself
To think if she loved you as much as you love her!
It's addicting
It is too much
And you can't stop
And you can't pull away
And it hurts a little more each day
Because more and more
You feel her pulling away

She is one of those people who lets you get close to her
But ends up hurting you as she tears herself completely off of you
For she always has to disappear
Fade away
And she might reappear
But it will never be the same
And you will never be the same
And she will always be there
Slowly
But surely
Poking away in your mind
Until her memory is hard ingrained into its walls
And you can never forget her
Not even if you tried
Before I begin I want to ask a question.
How many of you here have secrets you would never tell anyone?
.
.
.
Now if you know who I am,
You know I've recently taken to asking questions,
Before I let loose my rhymes and rhythms,
Before I allow my words to do the walking.
.
.
.
I can understand if you all have secrets that you won't tell anyone,
I do not mean the secrets that you trust to your closest friends or your spouse,
I mean the secrets that will die with you,
It is in human nature to always hide things that we are afraid of,
Some hide them for the simple reason that they do not trust others,
Some hide them because they cause to much pain,
Some hide them because they wish that part of their life had never occurred,
Now if you do not fall under one these three main categories there are hundreds of other reasons,
But for you people that do I understand,
I hide my secrets from everyone because I do not trust them,
To trust them would mean to allow someone else with complete control over my darkest secrets,
Over my life,
I hide secrets because I am afraid of what others will think of me,
Because society has taught us that we have to fit in,
That we cannot be different,
I hide things because of the pain that it brings me just to think of,
Let alone speak of,
Could you imagine if I told people and they brought it up by accident,
I hide things because I myself do not believe,
Or wish not to believe that things happened,
Idiotic stupid things,
Things I never thought I'd do,
So if you ever think that you are the only one with secrets,
Just think of this poem,
And think of this,
If no one in my life new that I wrote poetry until 2012,
What other secrets do I hide.
 Jul 2013 Catherine Queen
hkr
they call it depersonalization
dee-person-nile-zaytion
and it means i did the impossible:
found the switch to turn
everything off
so i can do what feels good
and stay away from what feels bad
and never have any real feelings
about any of it

at all.
when i think of you
i'm not sure i want to be
cured.
you rattle my cage
and your heart has slipped
out of my grasp.

it's just a phase,
we kissed, but
it wouldn't last.

my existence is futile
with scars and
rotting stomach lining.
degeneration

i wear the finest threads
made of skin and bones
they came from the stars.
i don't remember what they told me
that night my heart stopped beating

watch the sun rise,
let us live again.
relentlessly loving you,
get out of my mind.
love is dead to me

i had a thousand words to say
but they have melted away
now
i held the blade
tighter than your hand
throw me to the waves,
bury me in the sand.
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