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People say alot of things
Like
It will get better
Things will ease up
Your strong and you'll get through it
I refer to myself as a painting
Old, cracked, that nobody's spares
A second of their time to see what is
Truly underneath
I try to see where they are coming from
As they tell me their lies
"You're Beatiful "
"Don't change "
"Your not fat, your fluffy"
But I can hear the subliminal messages
"Try a little makeup"
"Improve your self"
"I hear veggies trim the waist"
I can see their eyes trying to
Cover the harsh truth they wanna tell me
But I listen
But I listen
I tried a few if those things
Didn't work at all
My friends come to me w/ their problems
But I listen
Everyday is some new issue that my
Ears have to endure so I can tell
Myself I do have friends that will do the same
But they don't listen
But they don't listen
My eardrums could explode from the
Quantity of problems I can't voice on my own
But I listen
I would take a bullet for them, while I try to
Pretend everyday they would do the same
My heart hangs like a dead body
In the gallows, the handman counting
Another mark to his body count
But it hangs in the noose that chokes me
From saying anything
They can say all they want to me
But it hard to talk when not only your
Body but mind is dead
The lonesome cry of failure
Haunts my mind as I try to
Change for everybody
Anybody
But I listen
My oxygen supply is cut low from all the
Thoughts that drown me at the night
Trying to figure stuff out
But no solution works
No piece of the puzzle fits

The imaginary friends I had tell
Me things I can't bear to hear
That starving would work
Or layers of foundation will help
Or go out and buy a new personality
But I ignore them with all my strength
Because I know someday an original is
Worth more than a copy
I know I can be my own soul
And not have to take cruel letters
That form together
If you think about cruel words are just alot
Of meaningless letters
So **** the alphebet
This is how it will be from now on
With my new found strength

Worthwhile.
In the night
My thoughts are spinning like a carousel
But they're really going nowhere
My are hands are trembling  
But steadier than ever
The cigarettes lie next to the ***** and pills

In the night
The smoke wafts in the air
Coming towards me like a monster
It swirls in front and behind
Hidden obstacles trying
To grasp at my lungs

In the night
The ***** gives me look
Saying come here
It's a dangerous lake
Where I drown every night
Refusing to come up for
Any air

In the night
The pills sit there silent, but
Trying to coax me forward
The odd shaped chemicals
Drop me off in a hurt to
Nowhere land

In the night
I started a new hobby
They call it cutting
I call it
Permanent skin design
It won't get out of hand
That would take awhile

In the night
The night goes slower
Than the day does
The souls I took
Leave glare in my eyes
They look me in

In the night
The patches on my cut
Shine in the light
The lamp shows
My name through the thread
My stomach growls like a dog

In the night
I won't go down yet
But by man made substance
Drifting into nowhere land
Dropping me at the gates
Waiting for admission
The hoofs scarred the earth
As they they across
Releasing energy of every
Emotion
The mane runs along side
Rippling like the patriotic flag
It bends and bows to every breeze
The rumble of the running
Is like music of the earth
The snorts are are the cries of war
Compared to the shots and explosions
They race through the trenches
Faster than in the fields
They even wear they're own uniform
The leather dances on their backs
As they dodge the bullets
Their sense of duty belongs to the soldiers
Running to find their wound decorated
Comrades, hiding in the mud
Waiting for hope
Everybody remembers the soldiers
And the war mothers
But not any of the other
Volunteers
"Just try it! " said Jonathon. He held out the straw. I don't want to take it.
"No, it's killing you. Can't you see that? I'm not gonna do it", I said, sitting up straighter. He gave me his best puppy dog eyes. The amount of crap he's been using made his eyes wet, like a puppy. And sadley  enough it was working. His little green eyes were already glazed from the **** at the start of the party. I didn't come to Dan's party w/ Jonathon, I met up w/ Jonathon at the beer keg.
"Please!" He whined. The extra coke he'd done gave him extra energy. His legs were bouncing in and out of his chair. His eyes were huge now. I hesitated.
" Dont tell anyone, or your digging your own grave."
I took the draw from his hands. A huge wave of adrenaline drowned my thoughts and my heart stopped. I leant over the rave were the coke was w/ the razor blade and the lines. I didn't even breathe for fear of breathing it all away. I should've. Inlet out a small breathe out the side and did the line like a champ. In one single snort. My nostrils burned, along w/ my brain. Jonathon told me to take another hit, so I did. It burned again, this time like a solar flare.
But I did it. I was done.
People say when the feeling of need comes, it's impossible to stop. My feeling of need came 3 hours later.
Then I realized one thing.
There was no going back after that.
ELA project had to write a small story w/ a single sentance.
Time keeps painting my darling
Ripped all the flowers in the garden
Oh baby come home, you angels bring her home

Imens står solen over højen
Han mindes den sommer hvor *** strålede
Forsvandt I haven grøn, og træernes sang *** fandt
(In the mean while the sun stands above the hill
He recalls the summer she shone
Vanished in the green garden, and she found the song of the trees )

Time keeps painting my darling
And the garden keeps on singing the old song
Oh baby still I am waiting in the light
Hoping the angels would carry you home

Den sang tog mørket I sin pote
Den bar hans kvinde I dens kolde favn
Og lagde hende for hans dør I silkekjole
(That song the darkness took in its paw
It carried his woman in its cold embrace
And laid her at his door in a silken dress)

Hoping the angels would carry her home
Leaving it all with my only friend
Her beauty was lifeless on the stair
Oh baby I´ll carry you away into the garden´s tale
But everything (had) died and turned to stones
I laid her down under the old oak
Seeing it all blossom forever more
Time keeps on painting my darling
And the garden keeps on singing the old song
Oh baby now I know you´re in the light
Painting it all with your colorful songs

Imens står solen over højen
Hans skygge kastes ud I haven grøn
Forsvandt for evigt og uden en note
Hoping the angels will carry will carry her home
(In the mean while the sun stands above the hill
His shadow stretches out into the green garden
Vanished forever and without a note)

Time keeps painting my darling
Ripped all the flowers in the garden
Oh baby you´re home, you angels where are you.
This is a song by an amazing Danish heavy metal band, called Volbeat. They write amazing songs and my sister went to their concert. I posted this because I love their music, but I love how they mixed the Danish parts w/ the English parts.
Your piano use to seranade me to sleep,
But now I can only focus on the sound of
The keys being hit.
Like your guitar, it use to ease me into a
Slumber, but now I can only focus on the
Sound of the pick scratching the strings.
I thought my heart was strong
Enough to make it through
The dark,
And even though my heart aches,
I would still smile about
Our memories and
Adventures
Together.
You taught me music was the short hand
Of
Emotion.
My iPod was like my heart. Full of
Music, still skipping songs like
H
E
A
R
T
B
E
A
T
S,
On shuffle, trying to find the
Right song.

I use to put the song on repeat,
And fast forward it to the phrase
You say to me, but now I skip it, fear
Of being reminded, then I deleted it.
The radio played that song one day,
But I only heard the static and friction
Of our relationship.
By you started going out with her.

But then I changed.

Ray the firefly had had his own North
Star to guide his way.
I was a broken compass.
Lane Frost, a bullrider, had a long life,
But in reality, it was only 8 seconds.
My time ran out.
You were my candle, lighting up the darkness
And she snuffed you out.
You were a lighthouse but my waves
Crashed you down.
The X that marks the spot on my map,
But it was stolen, like my
Grace.
Nobody stabbed me in the back,
Except the ***** I call
Jealousy.
My sobriety faded,
Then lingered,
Then disappeared completely.
Hellfire.
That's what it was.
But I was fighting my demons for good.
Never sold my soul, but
He
Had it already.
Sinking through a pool of *****,
Refusing to resurface.
You surrender with a white flag,
But my white flag wasn't a flag
At all.
It was white, but crumbled down
On the table by the rolled up
Ten
Dollar
Bill.
I don't know why people need
Six chambers to a gun when
Playing Russian roulette.
It only takes one
Shot
To change everything.
My iPod died, so I'm waiting
For the angels to carry me home.
They skim the top layer of my skin
(blades...blades...blades...)
It is colder than the glares I get
(blades...blades...blades...)
It gives me so many goosebumps
(blades...blades...blades...)
But there are things I won't forget
(blades...blades...blades...)
A thesaurus is beside my note
(blades...blades...blades...)
But it cannot sum up any words
(blades...blades...blades...)
Perfect visions dance in my head
(blades...blades...blades...)
My written words are blurred
(blades...blades...blades...)
The feelings are coming back
(blades...blades...blades...)
And so are the old thoughts
(blades...blades...blades...)
And even my scars
(blades...blades...blades...)
Of the battles I've fought
(blades...blades...blades...)
The scars are a metaphor
(blades...blades...blades...)
For disappearing into nature
(blades...blades...blades...)
I can hear the animals roar
(blades...blades...blades...)
"****! I hate her!"
(blades...blades...blades...)
I'm not a normal girl
(blades...blades...blades...)
My necklace is a razor blade
(blades...blades...blades...)
One obsessing thought over and over
(blades...blades...blades...)
That I may use it one day.
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