Bad ideas come from bad influences
The first time was the best
So commonly found around
But different from the rest

The white rabbits were jumping
And the purple haze came in to sight
I could see everything in the dark
And nothing in the light

I guess that's why people go to the dark
You can adjust to see what ever you wanna see
In the light it blinds you
And wanna be free

My thoughts came tumbling
Down the rabbit hole and farther
Breaking nails trying to climb back up
Was significantly harder

There was no sunshine of my love the last time
Only stuck in the shade
My thoughts forming into the pills
Of loneliness and hate

Eventually the dark was too scary
I climbed up into the light
That only mountain I climbed
Was good and right

The cravings went away
But not for a hard days night
It went away eventually
But not without a ****** fight

The the trigger went off
Then the bullet hit my brain
Then the old friends I left behind
Wanted to play a game

We decided to play with guns
It was Russian roulette
It was my turn to play
I can't lose the bet

It was only a pistol in the mind,
But really my old cellphone
This was my last chance
But it was already blown

I called up Alice
She too was a waste
I needed it so bad
Me and my old friends screamed in her face

I did again what I did before
But there was no stopping me
No matter how expensive
No matter what the fee

The last thing I remember
Was religion and souls
I was already alone
Tumbling down the rabbit hole.

Her first dress was mauve,
The cost, a very good deal,
With her make up done nice
And her first pair of pretty heels.
Dancing with a date,
Her known life lover,
His thoughts romantic,
Her thoughts in hover.
He leads the way,
To both dance and door,
With a fading street lamp,
Her first kiss galore.
Her second dress was Ivory,
With her her self done a bliss,
This wasn't their first,
But their best kiss.
This time he leads,
His vows wrote down in a letter,
That happened, now their dancing,
In her heels, this time a bit better.
Her last dress was Black,
In the wind it goes swoosh,
She didn't let herself,
But others emotions are loose.
Her hair isn't done up,
Not like the others,
His thoughts are gone,
Hers still in a hover.
She isn't wearing heels,
She can barely stand,
The bagpipes are crying,
All about the land.
Shivers gave Scotland the Brave,
Amazing grace brought her tears of joy,
But she still had to listen,
To her losing her own Danny Boy.
Her first dress was Mauve, her second Ivory,
Her last was Black,
Even though she wishes it a thousand times,
To youth they can never go back.

I can't think straight right now
And I feel like I will stop breathing any minute
My head is trying comprehend why things happen to me
But I can't because my mind is going so fast right now
I can feel myself as an entity, but not as a person.
I feel like I'm here but not here and that I theoretically exhist but not as a soul.
My lungs don't want to work but in forcing them to work.
I can't handle the shrieking yells of my mom about no food left and dad threatening us all.
6 of us is alot of threatening
I really hurts to cry but I can't keep it all inside anymore
No ideas left of how to deal with anything
I can't cry because if I see myself cry I'll think of it as a sign of weakness. I can't hold anything back anymore because its so strong that I'll just crumble.
My legs are lead now because of so many things and so many thoughts are holding me down.
My heart can't function since its been ripped apart for so long .
I think I am  in shock but nothing happened but the expected.
People telling me stuff that I can't hear anymore.
I'm pathetic.
I need to lose weight.
I am a *******.
I will never be any smarter.
I can't do any thing properly.
I thought of cutting myself.
But then, it's only an act towards myself and only I would see it.
I thought of killing myself, but then that would be too quick and people wouldn't know how I suffer in silence and in agony.
Something more drastic. Drugs, no. Can't get any in my town. *****, doesn't sound that appealing. I need something to help other people see how I am degrading in my life. Maybe an eating disorder. I could disappear before all their eyes, and it would be painful and long. Yes
To me that's the perfect revenge.

Most of the other children aren't
As lucky as I am. They lay
In their own beds, in their own rooms.
But I have my best friend of all.
They get their own moms and dads,
While 30 of us are sleeping in one big
Hall, crowded together in bunk beds,
But I get to share my bed with Teddy Bear.
We hug each other at night, waiting to stand
In line tomorrow, to find new parents, but
Teddy Bear is my family. He watches dark closets
For me in the night, and fights the boogeyman in the
Dark. He comforts me, telling me one day I can have
My own parents, and in real life, he's scary, but to me.
He loves me, the only o e, and hnis my family.

I think my biggest fear is losing,
My own imagination to increasing age,
Not birng able to write the story of my life,
Can't hold the pen or move the page.

My time has passed like the speed of light,
Tipping and turning away from my eyes,  
But my mortal life isn't over,
Until all my happiness dies.

Our photo frame wasn't that heavy,
But it felt heavy as a stone,
The smile weighs my heart down,
Now my photo frame of life is alone.

I am agened, broken and weathered,
There are lines on my face that she's engraven,
Before she left, she'd dwell in my old, weak arms,
I was her broken haven.

Why did she leave? Where did she go?
My lights of sanity are going very dim,
It wasn't her that made my life lonely,
Her leaving made it grim.

I still hold our photo frame, crying, washing
The glass with my elderly tears,
Losing her, forgetting her voice,
And the color of her eyes are my fears.

I Remeber the day she wore white,
Her face the shade of Ivory,
Her brown eyes, innocent like a doe,
Her jet black hair, the color of Ebony.

Years later, her freckled hands were still,
Wearing the eternity ring, her love made
Me feel treasured, knowing that our vows from
Decades ago would never fade.

My sand filled hourglass is almost empty,
I'm suffering consequences without a crime,
I am nowhere near young and strong,
I'll never surrender to Father Time.

There was a gentleman who intended,
To bend my already tattered wings,
His desire to break my frame,
He threw shards of glass at me, as if they were words,
His sturdy arms turned into a cage,
Then he in me, even inside my head,
Tossed me away like a wasted breathe.
I shed tears as if they were ***** clothes, and I shed those, too,
Mental health rusted with time,
Any amount of rain couldn't wash it away,
No amount of dust could cover it up,
The numbness quickly went away,
It faded like dead leaves scattered in a whirlwind,
Constantly scratching an invisible scar on my wrist,
Being unwanted so letting myself be alone, until a candle lights up.

A dream catcher is the key to the soul,
Keeping away bad thoughts before you go to bed,
Having them in him for ever and ever,
So the bad thoughts can't come back to your head.

His own beauty compares nothing to me,
With his entire silent stillness and grace,
Keeping away all mt bad memories hidden to my sight,
Having my dreams keep their pace.

He has his own spirit far inside it,
Placing away old bruises and cries,
Scooping them away like cool earth dirt,
Carrying them away from my eyes.

He can't ever succeed another thing,
Attempting to keep my innocence pure,
He can show me subconscience from reality,
He helps me keep my awareness sure.

His own feathers are wild, curly, brown,
While the beads are his khaki green eyes,
He understands my abuse at a young age,
Makes me face my demons and say good bye.

His web to catch them are his hands,
Big, steady, undeniably warm,
Covering half the area of my back,
While I breath in his chest and hide from harm.

He knows he can leave, but he doesn't,
He's a nightingal, my children and I are his songs to sing,
Deeply breathing, protecting me all night,
He wears the other matching ring.