Sing me to sleep
With gentle soul inspired lullabies
With warm phrases that sound like your smile

Beautiful and inextinguishable
Even if I can't hear your voice
I'll feel the breathy ghosts of your words
Against my skin
A soothing reminder that you are still here
When I close my eyes

Sometimes it feels like this life fades away
When I close my eyes
Just like the illusions fade away when I wake

How can you be sure
Can I be sure
Which reality is a dream
Which one lulls me to sleep
Which one beckons for me to awake

Your breathy lullabies contradict it all
Because when I awake I'm in a dream
One in which I never want to wake
Because when I dream I only want to wake
To find you humming lazy perfections
Full of lukewarm undecided inhibitions
And love

I will take more than just your heart
More than just your heart is bleeding
More than just your soul is missing
I will have taken it all from you

I will drain you
I will drain you
I will make you gone

I will use you to fuel the fire of my sin
Sacrifice you like Messiah for I what I breed within
No matter how much death flows atop this alter
None can ever be enough

Thought I was different, thought I was just like the rest
Thought I was wiser, thought I was foolish like the rest
Thought I was something else, thought I was never who I was
Never could I be who I am
Had to be who you are

Too soon you will be what I am
A literal canvas of what lies hidden in my mind
Bare of the skin that protects you from the evil of this world
Blinded by a fire willing to set you alive
Lacerated with the sword meant to protect you

Pain taunts at me with tantric abandon
As the seams of my mind burst apart
The sight of you is the sight of me and I am ashamed

Easily tempted when tired
All the things that tick and spin within
Begin to motivate more than they should
Begin to surface and control more than I should allow

All the lust
For a flesh not my own
All the hunger for another

All the urges
To fight against anything
That isn't an internal demon
All the rage

I need to wake up
I feel the need to shake things up
In the unhealthiest of ways

As my cups are drained
Emotionally and spiritually
Physically and mentally

I feel the warmth of a hand
I feel the craving for a hand
I know better than to accept its touch
I know I should be repulsed

I feel fire burning in my skin
I hear an internally primal chant
"Fight her, fight him, fight them all..."

I can feel what must be an aching
To hear them brake under my hands
To see them crumple in the wake of my capabilities

I'm happy to hurt you
with violence that I mean
I promise the pain
is not what I intend

I'm just a little unhinged
in all the worst ways
my doors are wide open

My windows are shattered
I can't control these drafts of thought
as they flow in
as they flow out

I wanna pull us down
make it so you could never leave me
so that you never could

Why would I ever let you go
around you I am finally myself
maybe i should become someone else

I want to change
but I won't
I really want to believe
but I just can't
I want to love you like I should
but I'm broken

I need another fire
Something larger than my own
Something more distracting

I'm waiting to find a second fire that doesn't burn
A fire that consumes but does no harm
I've found one but he's heaven bound
Give me flame in the flesh
Give me something tangable to cling to

Give me something to count on
Something that I can smile about genuinely
Something consistant and true

I need a solid rock
I need humanity and hope
Another half the strengthen who I am
Someone who knows and understands

Who listens but doesn't sympathize
Who won't take advantage even though I'd let him
Who cares but doesn't sugar coat
Who enjoys life and all it brings

I'm hoping to find him soon
Sometimes I think he's already here
I'm ready and waiting

The broken road I'm on
Is worth every stumble and scraped knee
If when I'm done you are the blessing I find

Drifting chalk outlines
They follow me
Reminders of where you aren’t

You aren’t lounging on my couch
You aren’t wasting your time with me
You aren’t dreaming your dreams
Against my pillow at night and into the morning

Crime scene tape around my heart
The love police come and ask
“What is missing?”
All I can say is
“He took it all…”

Your eyes aren’t here
I cannot drown in them
Your hands aren’t here
I cannot hold them
Your lips aren’t here
I cannot taste the secrets
That surely lay upon them

Secrets of life
Secrets trust, pain and love
Could you have left those behind
When you made off with your perfect crime
Not even a fingerprint to find you by

Talking about the past is hard,
But I'm an open book.

When, with beyond your eyes,
You begin to see.
Still will I encourage you to truly look.

I invite you to be our tour guide.
For a book is not an author.
For a book is not a reader.

Do not take these stories for granted,
As open books are often read.
Pages left weathered and worn.
Pages brittle and breaking.

Do not be too cautious.
Stories only exist if you read them.
Treasures only shine when you find them.

Read between my lines.
Read the notes left in my margins,
Where previous readers wrote from their hearts,
Where many of them wrote from their mind,
Where few of them wrote from the soul.

When it comes to pasts,
If I show you mine,
Promise to show me yours.
Discovery was never a chore.