Like the warmth of summer with out the burn.
Like the comfort of winter without the chill.
My comfort zone.
Everything I regret not demanding.
My safety line that catches me when I fall.
All I can think about in times of need.

His voice and his laugh bring me home.
I love hearing his smile.
When he's talking about his music you can hear his future.
You can hear what he thinks life is.
He's just a boy again, forgotten are all his mistakes, all his sins are gone.

No one compares to him.
No one can take over his memory.
No one takes me where he can.
No one can bring a smile to my face like he can.

No one else is him.
No one else has that part of me.

I attack myself.
Wanting to hold onto you,
Loving that I see you you everywhere.
Hating this dependency,
Disgusted by what is now roaming free in my mind and soul.

These thoughts of having hurt,
These thoughts of causing hurt.
Most of all I fear the need for hurt.

I am so desperate for water.
There are springs overflowing with life,
Rivers running rapid with love.
Still I travel painfully into a desert to seek water from a cactus.

Bleeding with every attempt,
Thorns left beneath my skin.
Once I break through for the small drops of water there,
I find that they were never meant for me.

I deserve to splash in the water,
Swim in the ocean,
Dance in the rain.

I deserve life and love,
Honesty and trust.

How is it that pain can out way pleasure?
That hurt can out way love?
That cacti can out way the water of life?

I trusted you,
Took you as unknowing of your faults.
Thought I could believe you,
Confide in you my thoughts.

My heart still clings to you,
All of your aesthetic charms.
My mind and soul are hot coals,
Burning with anger and wanting vengeance.

All this time I thought you had seen me,
You had looked forward through a window.
You are truly a man of mirrors though,
Seen because I stood behind you,
No matter how much I wanted to be beside you.
Even now you can't see past yourself,
Oblivious to the fires burning around you,
You'll remain like this until it's you they consume.

Broken again,
I hate you for this.
I wanted you because you were a cure.
Now I'm left to the old antiseptics,
Music, movies and sympathetic friends.
They dull pain until I can find time to stand in the rain,
Find the time to confront this pain and banish these demons.

All my "thank you"s become regrets,
All the electricity grounded and gone.

Silently I sit here.
Quietly I wait.
Patiently I watch.

I notice you.
I notice you with her.
I notice how I,
amongst your many other puppets,
sit in angry jealousy.

I wonder about my strings.
I wonder if they're too broken.
I wonder if a puppeteer,
especially one as indecisive as yourself,
could ever find me worthy to keep.

I see you in my imagination.
I see you in reality.
I see that I,
despite have great desire to do so,
cannot leave you alone.

Patiently I watch.
Quietly I wait.
Silently I sit here.

Two sides of me at war.
I'm trying to save you.
I'm trying to harm you.
All with one body, all with one mind.

The girl you saved still clings
To what she imagined of you.
The smiles and the laughter.
The jokes and the rings.
The rise and fall of your breath,

The girl you unlocked still fights,
She needs revenge.
She was happy with her pretty cage.
Happy to tear at the nice girl,
Happy to destroy her from within.
You forced her to surface,
Forced her to be seen and heard.

With every false assumption,
You sink further into her grasp.
With every lie and every betrayal,
You become increasingly harder to save.

When will you confess?
When will you learn to ask?
When will you change?

I will wait.
If there's anything left,
I'll be there to collect it.
There like you never were.
There like you never wanted to be.
There like I wish you would've been.
The like I know you could have been.

You've woken something inside of me
This time I cannot smile
You've unlocked the door to all that I have suppressed
Two years I'd done it
Passing with a smile

Now screams become external
Twitches are visible
Instability is more than mental

My muscles ache
My appetite nonexistent
I jump at the slightest thing
My body is always chilled

I still want to be yours
All this pain isn't enough to keep me away
I still want to hurt you
The guilt has disappeared

It's all the wrong things
That make you seem so right
The fact that you'll hurt me
Makes me willing

You say you know
You have no idea
The deep end of my darkness
It has found you
Rather you have found it and are taking a swim
Careful, these are dangerous waters
I'd just hate to see you drown

I don't need a hero
I just need to get through the night

I need to breathe
I need safety
I need your questions
I need to believe

I don't need a hero
I just need more than you can offer

Everything you have is temporary
Love only existing to expire
Artificial care to clever for reality

Everything you say
Is all I want to hear
Every red flag of danger
Makes me want to trust you

Lean on me when your broken
I'll revel in your pain

Just keep in mind
You brought this upon yourself
I am not nice and you never deserved it
I am cruel and you always wanted attention