Too scared to move because
It is darkness that consumes me.
Don't make a move.
You cant make a move.

I take my mind and travel to world beyond worlds
I'm safe in my sleep,
Being awake is painful.
It is guilt that consumes me.

Fill this, numb this with anything you can,
No, I wan't that pain... that burst in my heart.  
My release from this shell
This shell that protects me
This shell that holds me to the ground
I can't move.

I wait for something to set me free
Free from these shackles that prevent me
From smashing these ******* restraints.
I can not run away from this
They follow me, my demons, where ever I go.
Holding me...
Pulling me deeper...
Consuming me.

Hell is everywhere
Seeking change, seeking comfort.
Need to be somewhere better
Doing something more
These thoughts consume me
Pull me down to the point
Where I can not move.

I need to set these demons free
Release me
Release my mind
...
Maybe accept them, acknowledge them.
For demons like these follow every living being.

"But you are a man," she said.
"It's okay for a man to lose his way...
And to run aground.  
And who among us hasn't left some destruction behind us?  
That's part of being human.  
You ARE a man."

Man needs little to endure life's hardships
Gold, silver, and jewels plunder a man's soul
Water, food, shelter, and companionship
Despite life's conquests, must remain the goal
Water quenches what possessions cannot
A custom carriage fails as a life source
Nor does it quench when August days grow hot
Nor nourish folks when seasons fall off course
Look for umbrage, safety from barren land
Shelter to the pains of nature denied
Yet, man's elemental resource reigns man
The shipwrecked, fed and quenched, unsatisfied
Possessions, wealth, and even basic need
Can't provide the nourishment humans bleed

Over time, he had become acutely aware that no one was in the captain's chair.
“****!” he growled.  “No wonder we keep losing our way.”
“Yes,” said the voice.
“No wonder we keep running aground!”
“No wonder,” said the voice.  
“And just look at that messy trail of destruction we left in our wake...”  He winced.
“Indeed,” replied the voice.
“SOMEONE SHOULD TAKE CONTROL OF THIS VESSEL!!” he pronounced.

There was a long pause.

“...that someone is ME, isn't it?”
“Of course,” said the voice.  “Time to be a man.”
“Yes,” he answered quietly.  “Time to be a man.”

I wish I could remove all the
crooked, scratched, and charred puzzle pieces of our past
and replace them with
clean, pure ones that reflect nothing but kindness.

I wish I could take back all the hostile words we said
melt them down into a *** of black ink
and rewrite our conversations
to speak of the basic truth that we love each other.

I wish I could turn every shove and kick and slam of door
and re-route the energy into a good action
a hug or me making brownies for you
because they are your favorite.

Every day I will do this in my mind because
I do not want to live a life without you and
I want to believe there is hope in our relationship and
because you are my mother.