when I sip the cup
of caffeine, its
black dim colour and
taste doesn't compare
with how obscure my
heart is without you
(c.r)

as i scroll past i think
it really does hurt
when everyone disagrees
with you and ignores you
and they think he deserves
to be with someone else
it does hurt
from the deepest
part of my aching heart

(c.r)

it's quite pathetic really
why i even bother anymore

what's gotten into me?
you're just silly
i'm so sorry
for being a silly girl
to fall for you

(c.r)

I stare at the screen
which displays a film
so I stare blankly
and draw the letters
of your name without ink
on the table
and I know how
delusional I am
for wanting you

(c.r)

when it comes to
late hours, i do
intend to pour myself
into writing

but hey, i just wasted my
11:11 wish on you
i do hope you feel
special

(c.r)

i never expected
to love you
this much
but i don't regret
a single bit of it

(c.r)

I would hold your hand
for when the nightmares
alarm you so you can't
go back to sleep

I would hold your hand
when we walk through
streets and pathways
so that we won't feel lonely

I would hold your hand
for when we walk at night
and you say
"it's just darkness"

I would hold your hand
for when we depart
but all this time it was
not real
and you were never
mine to hold

(c.r)

it's a bliss to just
lie down and think of nothing

but when you hear
tick tock,
tick tock
with every second
and so it begins to taunt you

by then you know
you've wasted time that
can't be reversed

(c.r)

the sun shines
and the sky is clear
like the colours of your eyes
though yours are a little darker
and i would spend
every single minute
of this day with you until
the goddesses bring out
their dark sheet for the night sky  

but oh, darling
you won't be beside me
and so i shut myself inside
waiting for you to come
which, i'm afraid,
will never happen

(c.r)

this typical question I receive
confuses me,
tears me slightly
and causes me to lie

"do you prefer living in ...........
or now in .........."

well,
would you prefer living
in a place you lived your
whole life
with places you knew
friends you loved
landscapes to visit

or a place
where you felt intimidated
no where to go
having limited friends
and having to just live with it?

(c.r)

it took me a while
to realise that
i might not ever
meet the people that
makes my day better

(c.r)

as I stare at the ceiling
and it stares back at me
my mind booming with thoughts
after a while it clusters and clears
into one subject

you
your baby blue eyes         your personality
your smirk          your cheesy grin
your jawline           your hair
your arms         your voice
your laugh              your hands
your height       your accent

the list will go on
but it honestly hurts me
that i haven't physically met you
and you can be a figure of imagination
a lie or a story once told
and you have no idea
i even exist
(c.r)

of the same human kind,
they shall be opponents?
Oh how tragic!

and as they manipulate you
you come to think and fight
for what might not be possible
but you can't control
your thriving of the feeling

and so all of you fight
Oh how tragic!

(c.r)

I'm no one special to other people
Just another out of a billion

(c.r)

I hate lying here awake
with thoughts running
through my mind

When I panick
as my mind over-powers me
and my head receives anxiety
no one will care
to be beside me

(c.r)

please stop saying you're hurt
or dead because you're
lying

(c.r)

The first thing I do
when my eyes open
is to remember
that I'm still alive
and that I didn't
dose off to blankness

You, my friend, might want
to leave forever
but I realise
that time is very
valuable and
it has to remain
a gift you each hold

People say, there are
places to go and
people to meet, so
why on earth would you
want to escape now

(c.r)

I remember your
shocking sudden fall
from the ladder and
thought you're a goner

(c.r)

when your eyes are rich in dryness
and the weight of your arms
overpowers your muscles
so you just lay there
looking lifeless

(c.r)

please don't mention his name
   I'm unable to control my emotions
      you can say I'm an
         emotional wreck
           because my tears can't stop
             the redness in my eyes won't
                disappear
              he makes me sad and happy
            though he doesn't acknowledge
        my existence
    so please do me a favour
please don't mention his name

(c.r)

Pedalling through the park
I pass dog owners,
maybe two or three

Arriving on the main road
with frequent passing cars
the wind gushing through my hair
entering the unsealed areas
of my clothing
and spreading around my skin
sending a cold breeze

Conversations flow from my Dad
As I answer in agreement
I loved how there was no one around
I can be cautious about
Oh how I sometimes wish
It was as simple as a morning cycle

(c.r)

real* voices are the ones
who make your skin static
with goose-pimples
the ones that send an electric current
down your spine
the ones who makes the
pair of your eyes prickle
with tears of sense and feeling

(c.r)

and as they arrive
I shake their hands
smile
greet them
and they make their way to sit down

I wish I can learn to make conversation
as I feel like a coward
running away and sitting
on the top of the stairs
unable to do anything

(c.r)

we say sorry too much
and don't even mean it

(c.r)

I'm sorry I'm not as outgoing
I'm sorry I don't like to
go outside everyday
I'm sorry I don't agree to plans
I'm sorry I don't socialise a lot
I'm sorry I'm self-conscious
I'm sorry I prefer to stay at home
I'm sorry I feel unsafe
I'm sorry people intimidate me
I'm sorry I think people are suspicious
I'm sorry if I am too selfish to accept the fact that we've moved

The list will go on but who has time?

I'm sorry
    I'm sorry
          I'm sorry I changed

(c.r)

The faint vapour going up
with no destination
followed by the exotic smell,
may I say
then it clues a touch of sweetness

As you tilt the cup
it gulps down through your throat
like a gentle waterfall

As it ends its journey
you catch a warm feeling
in your chest
then a small perk of a smile
grows on your face

How wonderful

(c.r)

and so the day ends
but it'll begin as we know it
and so my eyes begin to dry
but I don't let them seal together
and so I will slip away
from realism
but i do hope you won't
appear

(c.r)

I don't understand why
you would do this
maybe I myself am not you
therefore it's difficult
to figure out
the maze that are your thoughts

(c.r)

the chirping of colourful birds
i hear in the morning
are the simple serenities i miss

to pick the fruits from
the mango tree
collecting 42 in cardboard boxes

the green landscape that
welcomed me at 6:00AM
laying in the hut and breathing fresh air
as rice fields surround me

how i would wash my wandering feet
in the cold rushing stream
then collect my bicycle and return

was i yet to discover
i was leaving this place in
6 months

(c.r)

pacing moderately down the road
avoiding any contact
maybe it's just me who
constantly worries
or maybe it's their suspicious act

i do not like these people
i don't like how they think
i do not wish to stay forever
i wish i wouldn't overthink

(c.r)

if only i had the courage
i would speak up to those
jibbering mouthes they own

if only i had the courage
let me be free and happy
avoiding negative thoughts
on my surrounding

if only i had the courage
would i carelessly not worry
about who or how
or why or what

(c.r)

you are the sun
and i am dust from a distant

i want to chase you but
each time i get closer
you travel away from me

making it impossible to
hold you in my
embrace

(c.r)