A kiss can turn into something dangerous if its in the dark
A tongue is like an instructor, showing me how I need to start
You tear off my clothes, then grasp my hips
I rip off your shirt, then I made your jeans up-zip
Your lips met my body, marking up my skin
Your tongue showered me, then found its way in
Losing grip in my hands, but my legs choked you
I felt weak when I couldn’t stop you
The intensity made me squirm; I couldn’t breathe
Finally I felt your whole body on top of me
I was strapped to the bed, waiting for that
moment where I cant hold on
That moment you constantly use your lips, body, & tongue
You showed me something new in the mirror
You made me focus when you whispered your plan in my ear
When you start, I tell you not to stop
I knew how to yell, but you make me scream when you hit the spot
You made me feel that pleasure, and rolled my eyes back
Felt myself drowsy, dizzy, and relaxed

I raised that hand one more time
Not to say goodbye;
But to say hi
Hi to the skin that healed many years ago
Goodbye to the unmarked wrist that finally went unharmed
That shiny, silver thing wasn’t a pretty jewel, nor a diamond
It wasn’t a piece of jewelry, or accessory, and not a pretty belt
All of a sudden my mind breaks the rules;
targeting one more time
Making me weak,
and ******* up one last time
It was a pressure that I once felt
I revisited the past while in the present
I unlocked a door with the missing key
A key I threw away, to get rid of my anxiety
It wasn’t a shiny; beautiful key
wasn’t the colour gold; it was was black & *****
The darkness were thoughts racing through my mind
The dirtiness was blood making me pour from the inside
I wanted a release that I used to give dangerously
I craved a new pill that I have never seen
I thought I killed the past;
or at least laid it to rest
I thought I would never pick up this weapon again
Sometimes we are convinced we are ok
and that we are finally strong
Then our mind becomes our enemy once again and proves us wrong

There were many times I loved my fears more than feeling safe
There were many times I never showed love, only hate
There were many times I worshipped my nightmares over my dreams
There were many times I chose insomnia instead to sleep
There were many times I put aside my happiness only to be angry
There were many times I put myself in danger to please my anxiety
There were many times I needed that alcohol; bring drunk over sober
There were many times I left home to reveal all kinds of exposure
There were many times I chose the knife over my friends
There were many times I wanted to call it quits, before starting the meds

The most two-faced is the one living inside me;
the air I once breathed became polluted and made my soul black
When I became weak, I pushed myself to the floor
All those scars & cuts became bad memories that live on
I had fun drawing, but it wasn’t on paper
There was no eraser; I couldn’t erase the damage on my body
and that red liquid that dripped wasn’t paint
I tried to swim against my demons but they were a better swimmer
The ground I walked on was bumpy when I tried to walk away from the past
I needed to run away and hide from my fears but I was found
I felt warmth but then it turned cold
Then I heard every sound until my ears started to hurt
I kept my eyes opened but the tears ran down my cheeks and blocked my vision
A breath of fresh air became dusty and I began to choke
The reality was that I couldn’t be alive around myself
My wounds are healed but I keep bleeding
I can swim, but I’m drowning
I can walk, but I’m tripping
I can run, but I’m falling
I can feel, but I’m numb
I can hear, but I’m deaf
I can see, but I’m blind
I can breathe, but I’m hyperventilating
I can live, but I’m dying

I gave myself extra attention
but it was the kind that wasn’t safe
I accepted the anger that turned my face red
It stole the happiness I lost
I hugged the mirror only when I cried
I kissed my pillow that I slept on for years missing the innocence
that I tried to hide
I inhaled that anxiety so deep cause it made me dizzy
I liked falling on the floor to wake my demons up to torment me
I loved the darkness cause it scared me
it was my alarm clock from insomnia to keep me awake
I gave words but I was a bad influence
and convinced myself to drink
So I welcomed that poison liquid, to wash away all of my fears
I accepted being drunk all the time,
because it brought out the stranger that I got along with
I gave all my love, but to a knife
and worshipped the blood that flowed out of my skin
cause it made me so dizzy
I gave all my trust to my mind
and it only hurt cause I loved myself for all the wrong reasons

It all started when that salty water from the eyes, creates its first tears;
making a skin damp that can quickly be wiped off
That damp skin turned wet when the tears became heavy
Its hard to quickly wipe now; there is more salt water burning my face
I felt a puddle, underneath my body
I thought a sadness passed, but I was stepping in my tears now
I stepped out of my puddle,
then fell into a river
I gasped for air from the thin layer of water that covered me
I felt like I was half drowned;
and that my strength broke from me
I figured out my anxiety, my anger & fears
I figured out my sadness, my moods & nightmares
Im actually sinking
because now I created an ocean,
and Im actually drowning
I never knew a drop of rain could turn into a drop of my body;
drowning purposely by me

He secured me where he wanted me as the bed indented from my body
The soft kisses became hard *******; marking up my neck while I tried to breathe
I felt his hands all over me, slithering below my waist
Then his fingers assisted his tongue with a taste
His knuckles made a sound while hitting my bone
My whispers changed, and turned into moans
He broke my silence, but I couldn’t speak
No words came out; only a scream
Looking forward to the rest of the night,
I couldn’t wait for something bigger to go inside

I heard the sound of his belt buckle hitting the floor
Then when he separated my
knees, I kept wanted more
Our naked bodies were taking a beating from the loud clapping we were making
His hands became part of the bed, being underneath my ****;
squeezing me while my vocal cords were stressing themselves out
I kept breathing hard and he went faster
I kept screaming louder and he went harder
I kept scratching his back and he went deeper

He wanted full control
So then he flipped me over as my hips were gripped tight;
Getting ready as he went behind
My voice was fainting, as he ignored
I couldn’t handle that beautiful pain, but I still wanted the amazing pleasure
His body was always like a machine
He loved when I couldn’t handle the moves that made me scream
His hands connected with what was below my lower back
That redness appeared a little after his spanks
Suddenly I felt a yank on my head
My hair was in a ponytail held tight by his hand
His other hand wrapped around my neck
I could barely move as his torso rested on my back
There was a rush of unexplainable sounds
Each new position wanted their rounds
Our breath dried out our mouths; making us choke
Then my screams strained my vocal chords & throat
Our skin became louder, making ourselves red
The ending had approached as we soaked up the bed