I felt restless, anxious, stressed, & weak
My body felt stiff & held up a guard to protect me
I always looked out for myself; from one particular enemy
I tried chasing it away, but then it returned
I had frequent visits; inside the mirror, during the day, & in my sleep
Insomnia always striked me
I wanted peace, but I always feared the darkness
The darkness inside
The darkness in my nightmares
The darkness all around
I was looking for a solution to make myself leave; to make my mind get squeezed; to make my body at ease
So then I tried to replace these hallucinations with alcohol, then I drowned
Tried to replace this depression with a razor, then I bled out
Tried to replace this anxiety by constantly staying up all night, then my body gave out
I tried to replace this mind by looking for a cure from myself,
Then when I saw that it was too late; I was already broken,
Nothing was able to save me; my last resort was the milligrams from a fake candy
It was supposed to tranquilize this mind,
Freeze this brain,
& calm these nerves
But not even a pill was strong enough to fight against my invisible twin

I created a dance floor that only you can step into
I created a party that is only for two people
Close that booth & enter a stage full of experiences
A stage that soon becomes our movie to be played into a reflection
I hired you as my personal dj
Cover this floor with our clothes;
there are no rules
Strip me on top of your turn table
so that my vocal chords begin to fill the room
Turn the lights off to only connect that disco ball
that shines around my wrists
Now use my body as a microphone;
place those lips all over me
The beat is hard; let’s keep playing music
Allow that smoke to flow on the windows; on the mirrors;
its our breath
Place your hands below my waist & dj me till I start to shake
This club is on all night;
I’m staying open late
Turn my body on
Turn our volume loud
Your glow stick handles the rest
So dance inside me
Your ears are the speakers; make me scream loud

My lock was finally unlocked
My door was finally open
My walls were finally knocked down
My floor was finally broken apart
My room was finally torn
That lock to my door opened a room full of walls
that you stepped into while exploring what you can do
You unlocked my clothes
You opened my legs
You ruptured my ******
You damaged my pelvic floor
My body was a room
that was kept tidy for a strong one
Those weak ones couldn’t even mess up my hair
Then finally those ****** dreams turned into reality
when you placed those kisses on both of my lips
I wanted my body weak; not being able to handle you
That floor that held my pelvis,
couldn’t hold the ****** any longer

I felt you on my skin
and you wouldn’t leave till you got what you wanted
You landed on top of me so quietly
I only felt a tickle that made me want something more
You started to make my blood boil,
Then changed my heart rate
My neck was poked from your teeth
till you wrapped your mouth around my skin
You covered every inch of my body; poking different levels of excitement
Anxiety starts in my blood; pacing through my veins
You had me itching for something more
I lay there *******, marked up, & irritated
You left the room, keeping me waiting
The tension is intense because I’ve been anticipating  
Your teeth marked everywhere below my chin
Your mouth made a redness & heated my skin
You finally appeared with a cure to my bites
You forced a pressure on a my body
You forced a puncture to remain inside me
I anticipated the whole day
Now you poked me in a different way

I had a sweet tooth for awhile;
A crave that wouldn’t leave
I was impatiently waiting to undress a wrapper
that was made from material,
a straw made from skin,
and a bottle made from a body
My sweet tooth turned into thirst
Thirst for that sugary drink that waits for its release
The darkness locked the door
Appearing naked; to throw my knees to the floor
His hands were my hair-tie;
And made sure his eyes weren’t blind
He viewed me close like a movie
Parted were my lips;
I started giving him that upside down kiss
The floor of my mouth was walked on
My tongue detached from me
My lips became numb
My tonsils got inflamed
My throat became scratched
I swallowed, but it wasn’t food

Do you ever just try and give up on taking that hard,
tasteless candy that controls your mind
You want to stop just to see if you can control yourself
with nothing stabilizing your insides
But then those withdrawals of being calm;
To feel life again, & not to be numb
But then you know its fake;
The good behaviour, & no more mistakes
The anxiety; gone, the moodswings went calm
The self conscious had been forgotten about,
& no more of the addiction to self-harm
Those worries within, & those darkest fears
No more love for being alone, & no more nightmares
I saw what that tasteless candy can do
It made me change, & unlocked my room
The mind has been ruined, tortured & abused
The heart has been broken, thrown around, & used
Even though the high milligrams corrected my mind
I wasn’t the one who actually changed myself inside

Do you ever just try and give up on taking that hard,
tasteless candy that controls your mind
You want to stop just to see if you can control yourself
with nothing stabilizing your insides
But then those withdrawals of being calm;
To feel life again, & not to be numb
But then you know its fake;
The good behaviour, & no more mistakes
The anxiety; gone, the moodswings went calm
The self conscious had been forgotten about,
& no more of the addiction to self-harm
Those worries within, & those darkest fears
No more love for being alone, & no more nightmares
I saw what that tasteless candy can do
It made me change, & unlocked my room
The mind has been ruined, tortured & abused
The heart has been broken, thrown around, & used
Even though the high milligrams corrected my mind
I wasn’t the one who actually changed myself inside