Do you ever just try and give up on taking that hard,
tasteless candy that controls your mind
You want to stop just to see if you can control yourself
with nothing stabilizing your insides
But then those withdrawals of being calm;
To feel life again, & not to be numb
But then you know its fake;
The good behaviour, & no more mistakes
The anxiety; gone, the moodswings went calm
The self conscious had been forgotten about,
& no more of the addiction to self-harm
Those worries within, & those darkest fears
No more love for being alone, & no more nightmares
I saw what that tasteless candy can do
It made me change, & unlocked my room
The mind has been ruined, tortured & abused
The heart has been broken, thrown around, & used
Even though the high milligrams corrected my mind
I wasn’t the one who actually changed myself inside

Do you ever just try and give up on taking that hard,
tasteless candy that controls your mind
You want to stop just to see if you can control yourself
with nothing stabilizing your insides
But then those withdrawals of being calm;
To feel life again, & not to be numb
But then you know its fake;
The good behaviour, & no more mistakes
The anxiety; gone, the moodswings went calm
The self conscious had been forgotten about,
& no more of the addiction to self-harm
Those worries within, & those darkest fears
No more love for being alone, & no more nightmares
I saw what that tasteless candy can do
It made me change, & unlocked my room
The mind has been ruined, tortured & abused
The heart has been broken, thrown around, & used
Even though the high milligrams corrected my mind
I wasn’t the one who actually changed myself inside

My scent is a way of forcing you to bring yourself into my world
Theres a path you should follow from beginning to end
A path that leads the way to the bed
Come through the trees,
the ones I grew
I wanted privacy
I wanted coverage
But for you i want to be ****
Close the gates as you walk through
Begin your journey by picking my flowers that you helped bloom
Ignore the dirt
I threw away all the negativity
Just plant a new seed in my throat that appears deep
Strip all my leaves and throw them to the ground
Sting these lips like a bee
Make me bleed
Make my heart see
Tickle my skin like a spider until you find my cave
**** my neck like a leech to make my strength misbehave
My garden had a missing link
I saw you, and thought of a snake
Your fangs grew & sunk into my skin
Your muscles squeezed my neck & you wanted to come in
You finally found the forbidden fruit
on my final tree
Keep me still & slither your way through me
Now it pours but not from the sky
You made my body rain from deep inside

Pain eventually turns into numbness
Tears eventually make a pool
Anxiety suddenly freezes your lungs
That bleeding heart finally turns heavy, then breaks into a million pieces;
So then you become so weak
Weakness over strength,
The pain was too much to handle
And so it numbs every single memory,
Every single nightmare,
Every single fear
Every single worry
Every single emotion;
Then engraves the biggest memory in the mind;
A memory that wont be forgotten
That pain that went numb, suddenly hurts all over again
It was so numb, to feel it all over again

You marked my neck,
and then I couldnt slow down the air within my lungs
The ******* from your lips made me lose my breath,
and then i forgotten how to breathe
You cooled down my hot skin with the ice you held in your hand
Then I completely lost my breath
from that shock that you placed all over me
My top unbuttoned;
My pants unzipped;
My lingerie wrapped around your hands, as you brought yourself closer
I saw your clothed body;
but it was naked in my eyes
You deprived me from yourself because you loved making me wait
I hated the struggle
I hated the game
I couldn’t even escape to strip you the same way
You locked my wrists with yours
And until you finished your teasing ways,
You wanted to enjoy the show
I kept telling you what you wanted to hear;
To just **** me already

Finally that wait had ended; your fun & games ran out of time
Your hands did one last move to calm my mind
Those marks on my neck started to bleed
That ice on my body drenched me after it melted;
And then I became cold
But instead of a blanket, you were the one that draped me
On top of my body, I finally felt you indent me
Purposely testing my breathing;
Purposely triggering my screams;
So you can hear how amazing your performance had been

I lit the candles for them to turn off the lights;
& leave us calm in the darkness
I felt his cold hands waiting to get warm underneath my clothes
Just as the floor catches my outfit,
Im being clothed by his body;
as my hips became attached to his
His mouth covered mine
Then I felt his tongue wander
A shower made from his lips to my body,
he drenched me from top to bottom
As I waited patiently,
Wanting for him to shake my insides;
I suddenly couldn’t move anymore
But I didn’t want to move anymore
I had handcuffs that were made of skin
He locked himself to me;
then finally slipped himself in

Unclothed, he throws me down
I feel a force that I just wont say no to
Then I feel a stinging on my neck,
That made me put scratches down his back
Suddenly is reach was fast as those silver rings tighten around my wrists
He made sure that he was the one in control as his lips travelled on my skin
His head kept getting lower
My heart rate only got faster
He was making me wait by teasing
The ******* of his tongue tricked me
I wanted the ******* of whats under his clothes
But I just wasn’t allowed to move
I wanted to undo his clothes like he undid mine
Why the punishment for making me wait
He wanted the screams;
Silence was full of hate
It wasnt a game anymore
He finally covered the floor with his clothes
I heard a whisper;
“The game hasn’t even started”
Then finally I felt the bed move
I felt my body indented
I felt my skin covered
I felt my blood boiling
I felt my heart rate rise
And my screams got louder
My belly button had been touched from the inside;
And I felt him digging through a cave that is secret from the world
He was all up in my ribs