Thank you for teaching me how to walk;
now i know why you followed me
Thank you for teaching me how to run;
now i know why you chased me
Thank you for teaching me how to scream;
now i know why you scared me
Thank you for teaching me how to cry;
now i know why you tortured me
Thank you for teaching me how to bleed;
now i know why you cut me
Thank you for teaching me how to gasp for air;
Now i know why you gave me anxiety
A mind is a crooked teacher in disguise.
It appears at every episode of struggle
It appears at every episode to make sure you remain weak
It takes away your strengths and feeds you with weakness
It robs you of learning to build a relationship with yourself, so it becomes your enemy

I never gave a hand to decorate the christmas tree again
My strength was forced to stop all the fun
I never smelled the baking of christmas dessert again
Its a sweet tooth that ill never use again
I never helped wrap presents late at night again
Its the muscles in my hands that were forced to stop working
I never road in a car again
The rides for christmas visits had to be stopped
I never loved christmas again
That part of my heart is with a golden heart who is missing every year

Whos safe in our hearts, is not always safe for our spirits
Whos safe in our dreams, is not always safe in our nightmares
Whos safe in a photo, is not always safe in our memories
Whos safe in our brains, is not always safe in our minds
They are safe on the other side, but not safe for our health
They are safe above, but not safe for our life
They are safe in our hearts, but now safe in our tears
They were safe being close to us, but its not safe for our sanity is they forever disappeared

My eyes are blurry and i choose not to see
I always hoped when they open, everything would go back to normal
But its like a waterfall; pouring all over me
Im drenched and cold from the liquid that takes over me
The drops that fell on the floor were for me to slip and fall
The puddles that were made for me to ignore a reflection
I took the drops and i made the puddles
I took the puddles and i made an ocean
The ocean that i was forced to swim in, but then i drowned
And when i drowned, was when i couldnt take no more

Im liking my nightmares
and loving the darkness
Im hating my dreams
and im despising the light
Im liking my fears
and loving the horror
Im hating the happiness
and im despising the excitement
Im liking every sad moment
Im loving every angry episode
Im loving every negative thought,
Because my mind taught me what the brain was told

I remembered the past,
because im living in fear
I remembered the pain,
because i dealt with it for years
I remembered the blade,
because i opened the cuts
I remembered being dizzy,
because i drowned in my blood
I remembered being weak,
because i stole my own strength
I remembered my heart,
because it shattered while i broke
I remembered my tears,
because my mind had me controlled

I pretended like i was a fortune teller,
because i was used to the negativity that happened all around me
For years, i never prepared for the worst,
but i prepared my emotions
I trained my mind to accept what was
thrown at me
And then i trained my body to accept what was harming me.

I got anxiety before things happened
I cried before i knew what would make me sad
I got angry before i knew what would upset me
I became bruised before i was hurt inside
I bled before my skin was cut
I fought before a fight was started
I fell before i ran

I hyperventilated before the anxiety
I poured out tears before i could cry
I screamed before i could get angry
I was marked before i could get bruised
I drowned in my blood before i could bleed
I lost a fight before i could battle myself
I broke before i could catch my fall

I was already immune to the darkness, because i never saw the light
I was already immune to the pain, because i knew what always harmed me
I was already immune to myself,
because im the reason i was prepared