I pretended like i was a fortune teller,
because i was used to the negativity that happened all around me
For years, i never prepared for the worst,
but i prepared my emotions
I trained my mind to accept what was
thrown at me
And then i trained my body to accept what was harming me.

I got anxiety before things happened
I cried before i knew what would make me sad
I got angry before i knew what would upset me
I became bruised before i was hurt inside
I bled before my skin was cut
I fought before a fight was started
I fell before i ran

I hyperventilated before the anxiety
I poured out tears before i could cry
I screamed before i could get angry
I was marked before i could get bruised
I drowned in my blood before i could bleed
I lost a fight before i could battle myself
I broke before i could catch my fall

I was already immune to the darkness, because i never saw the light
I was already immune to the pain, because i knew what always harmed me
I was already immune to myself,
because im the reason i was prepared

The noise of thunder starts as i have an outburst
Then the blinking lights of lightning strikes at my body; and so the rain pours when i cry
The storm hides my behaviour
I like the rain;
It hides all my tears
I like the thunder;
It hides my anger
I like the lightning;
It hides my scars
I stand under the clouds that was pulled from my mind
I  voiced the thunder that my ears had to find
I walked through the lightning that was made with a knife
I run through the rain that was made from my eyes
i find temporary shelter from the storm in my mind
But then i changed..
I kept wanting the feeling of the rain on my face, i became blind
I listened to the thunder too much, i became deaf
I played too much with the lightning, i became weak

So the shelter, that was my body, never lasted.
There was no escapism
I created a storm that was forced not to end
I tried, and i failed
How can a body be a shelter, if the mind is the storm

The noise of thunder starts as i have an outburst
Then the blinking lights of lightning strikes at my body; and so the rain pours when i cry
The storm hides my behaviour
I like the rain;
It hides all my tears
I like the thunder;
It hides my anger
I like the lighting;
It hides my scars
I stand under the clouds that was pulled from my mind
I  voiced the thunder that my ears had to find
I walk through the lightning that was made with a knife
I run through the rain that was made from my eyes

I started to run away from the mind that was chasing me all these years until finally my bones gave out
I accepted alot of heartache until the colour of my heart turned black
I kept appearing into the darkness and saw that nothing else helped me but the blades of a knife; who wanted to puncture me. the replaced my tears as i closed my eyes from relaxation
I met a stranger that friended me. A stranger that would only harm me. A stranger that was using me. A stranger that was me.
I saw that my soul was being stripped; and i was already to late to save myself

My bones that held me up became brittle as i ran
The heart that was warm turned cold when my mind stole it away
The skin that covered my weaknesses became scarred as i created harm
The mind that was sane became insane when the devil wanted to play
The soul that was living happy became dead as it fell into depression

After my bones became brittle, i broke
After my heart became cold, it shattered
After my skin became scarred, i bled
After my mind became insane, it erased
After my soul became depressed, it died

I kept myself in the darkness when i was scared
I wanted it to be darker so i couldnt see
If i opened my eyes in the light i saw every single wrong,
And every single mistake

I cant turn the time backwards but i can turn my back
I cant close the doors but i can close my eyes
I cant run away but i can chase my fears
I cant fight but i can harm
I cant erase but i can disappear

I cant forget but i try to ignore
I cant dream but i try to deal with the nightmares
I cant stop the pain but i try to heal
I cant stop hyperventilating but i try to breathe
I cant stop the anger but i try to lower my heart rate
I cant stop crying but i try to wipe away my tears

I tried to then everything around but in the end i actually turned it upside down
Even though i found different ways of coping, it never mattered anymore.
It was all darkness with a little nightlight on; and i was barely seeing

I came into my own world with sharp edges of a delicate body
A world that i created in the darkness
I was blind to see the truth behind all the lies; and so i became bitter
A bitter mind that my body couldnt turn sweet
A cold heart that my skin couldnt turn into heat
My nails broke whenever i scratched notes to myself on my skin
The blood from my veins didnt want to stay in
I cried with pointy tears,
The shattered glass that came from my eyes, harmed me till i went blind
I couldnt see no more happiness
I couldnt see no more light
I only saw deep within my body that was dark and broken inside
I couldnt breathe because my nose broke
And my lungs are collapse so i am only able to choke
My eardrums popped as i always heard myself scream
I scared my heart so then it forced itself to squeeze
I saw right through myself and then i knew what i really was
I have made the choice to unleash my own demons from my dark dreams
I was attacked from my own hands
And my body was thrown down to the floor by my own strength
When i hit the floor i heard a crack that came from my knees
Then my whole body broke as
I started to bleed

I feel frozen inside
My body froze over when i knew i couldnt hide
I feel hot inside
My heart burned when there was anger inside that made the flames grow
I feel numb inside
My body lost feeling from a sudden shock to my veins
I feel dizzy inside
My head spins as i try to hold before i fall
I feel broken inside
My body falls when my bones shift to pieces
I feel anxious inside
My lungs collapse when there is weakness in my chest
I feel anger inside
My body shakes as my nerves get tangled
I feel hyperventilation inside
My stomach turns as the waves inside push me down
I feel confused inside
My eyes are crossing as i get lost and cannot see
I feel depressed inside
My moodswings wont stop changing and messing with my mind
I feel scared inside
All my fears block me from moving, and so i feel trapped inside;
I trapped myself by losing control