When i never trusted, until i met you
When i never listened, until i heard you
When my eyes were closed, until you opened them up
When i couldnt speak, until you forced out my voice
When i couldnt stop crying, until you wiped my tears
When i was full of anger, until you made me smile
When i was outta control, until you calmed me
When i would run, until you stopped me
When i was scared, until you protected me
When i wanted to give up, until you made me fight
When i was weak, until you made me strong

When i was lost, until you found me
When i couldnt love, until you loved me
When i was half, until you made me whole

I thought i was cured
In the end my strength ran out
I ended up picking up the pieces from when i broke myself
All over again, i fall
I tried to run, and i ruined it all
Im at square one again
I want to quit, but i will give up on myself
I thought the struggle was over
But i saw a temporary bandage lasting most of my lifetime until it came off of my wounds
I started bleeding again
I cried, and i started suffocating again
Im breathing heavy; im back to being the enemy
My darkness is alive and once again, its after me
I thought i saved myself, but i was only inside a room that was locked for protection
The lock was broken, and the door had opened
My mind came inside once again
Inside the room; waking me from my dream once again
I thought my nightmares were over;
It was only the light that covered the darkness
I was walking with the light, and now it shut itself off
Im left trapped in the darkness once again; so i cannot see
I cant see the mirror
I cant see me
I thought i shattered the mirror; i broke my enemy
But it was glued back together with blood
Blood that came from inside me
Now i see again; but i dont want to look into my own eyes
Im broken once again
I see the past and now i see myself in disguise
I thought i stripped my enemy off
I thought it died,
But i guess i was wrong
It was in a deep sleep; it had woken up from my darkest dream
Im fighting once again; i want to run again
I want my strength again
It has started again

I shut everyone out
I kept everything inside
I showed i was ok
But inside i was always screaming
There was a lock on my heart that i never allowed to open
I threw away the key, and i coloured my heart black

I was kept behind invisible bars that i built
They became hot,
Whenever i tried to escape, i burnt myself
Behind the bars i still had no escape regardless if the bars melted me.
These walls never opened themselves for me to leave
They listened to me scream
They listened to me cry
They listened to me kissing my heart goodbye
I cried in every corner
I bled on their entire floor
I went crazy when i knew i couldnt free myself
I just locked myself in and i created a sell that turned cold

By myself everyday,
I just wanted to leave
By myself everyday,
I couldnt breathe
By myself everyday,
I had racing thoughts
By myself everyday,
I was so dangerous
By myself everyday,
I cried
By myself everyday,
I tried to fight

I begged my mind to let me go
I had enough
I wanted out
I was alone with myself so i became weak
As i began to have certain thoughts,
I became stranded from my own mind
When i was stranded, i turned to my heart
My heart was too weak when i wanted the help
I turned to a wall to listen to me
I turned to a second wall to hold me up while i fall
I turned to the third wall to take my punches
I turned to the fourth wall to save me

I questioned depression how to smile;  then it laughed at me
I question anger how to stay calm; then it ignored me
I questioned anxiety how to breathe; then it breathed hard down my neck
I questioned my mind how to change; then it changed my innocence

I acted as if everything was ok
I wanted to show everything was fine
I wanted to have everything hidden
I wanted to keep everything inside
I wanted it all to stop
I wanted to end the pain
I wanted to just bleed so i could start all over again
I showed no pain when i wanted to breathe
When i was alone, the anxiety strangled me
I showed no weakness when i wanted to fight
When i was alone, my strength ate me up inside
I showed i was happy when i wanted to cry
When i was alone, i drowned from my eyes
I showed i was calm when i wanted to be angry
When i was alone, everything took advantage of me
When i was strangled, i couldnt breathe
When the strength ate me up inside, i found my weakness and it brought me to my knees
On my knees i begged; i was drowning and i couldnt see
My eyes were covered it salty water and my lungs wouldnt set me free
I wanted to be set free, but i was being taken advantage of, i was lost
I became angry and my body suddenly collapsed
Everything was not ok
Everything was not fine
I continued to keep my arms hidden
I continued to be quiet inside
It hasnt stopped
The pain began again
I still bleed from the inside out
Im scarred and i want it all to end

What happens when your strong
And you keep yourself up
But what happens when you lose control and you appear to be cut
There was a monster who scared me
I wanted to run but it caught me
There was a darkness that closed me
I wanted to hide but it found me
There was a nightmare that terrified me
I wanted to wake up but my eyes wouldnt listen to me
There was a game that liked me
I didnt want to play but it forced me
There was anxiety that entered my body
I wanted to breathe but it choked me
There was depression that tricked me
I wanted to be happy but the sadness surrounded me
There was anger that covered me
I wanted to be calm but it tackled me
The monster was a tool that was used to fight me;
My innocence,
Taken
My mind turned against me
There was a tool that was used as a weapon
That took all my strengths;
And my happiness was forgotten
There was a weapon and i call it my mind
I tried to cut the illness
But instead i cut myself deep inside

When my dreams turned into nightmares
When my nightmares finally came true;
I indulged a sudden shock to my body
I indulged what i should have prevented
I wanted to feel what everyone feared
I wanted to do what people dont do
I tried to force myself to be strong, but that strength was my mind over my heart
And my soul over my body
I learned to appear in front of a mirror; blinded from the person i saw
My fears werent leaving
My anxiety kept rising
My anger escalated
My depression had me dying
One day i turned & i snapped
I explored & i had to act
I wanted to change what changed me
I wanted to hurt what was slowly killing me
I ignored my hearts attention when i heard the knife calling
I welcomed my minds whispers when the razors had me eyeballing
I couldnt control
I couldnt turn back
My mind was in charge
I couldnt fight back
As i start to cry
It was time to end my innocence inside
The new thing i needed, was already planned
It was my last resort
It was my escape
It was the love of my mind
But the master to my heart
And i was behind invisible bars
Chained; locked inside my own body
I couldnt go on feeling unsatisfied
I couldnt go on feeling lonely
& so i made friends with a knife, a razor, and scissors
They taught me how to hurt
Taught me how to bleed
Taught me how to aim
And taught me it wouldnt be easy
It wasnt easy; they were right.
But what they meant;
It wouldnt be easy to turn back and fight.
It was an addiction
I loved the pain
The pain was gone
But there was darkness that still remained
Everyday i would continue
Self mutilation was the only answer
The red lines on my body never faded
I cut deep
I cut deep in the past;
& so i took the knife deep with me
I cut deep in my nightmares;
& so i took the razor deep with me
I cut deep at my problems;
& so i cut it all with the scissors
There was no more pain, but i was bleeding
I needed the pain, but i was blinded
I loved the pain, but i was confused
I always had the pain, because now im bruised.
Inside was who i truly saw
Inside was who i truly felt
I have been played with,
****** with,
Used
And im the only one to blame for hurting myself

There is an invisible light thats blinding me
I want to shut it off but it wont let me
I wanna close the door and forget whats behind me
I wanna lay the past to rest
There is a reflection that shines on me
The mirrors around me wont shatter
I keep seeing a shadow that follows me
The lost soul of my spirit's nest
I breathe in anxiety
I breathe out hyperventilation
I gasp for air as my heart pounds faster
My lungs had finally collapsed
I feel numb & pain at the same time
I feel dizzy & stability working together
I feel heart failure & heart success
I feel my life had been put to the test
I see the mistakes
I see the disappointments
I see the sadness
I see the anger
I wanted correction
I wanted satisfaction
I wanted happiness
I wanted pleasure
I cried
I screamed
I hurt myself
I found escapes
I finally was calm
I finally was quiet
I finally was relaxed
But i was in danger from all the pain
I wanna forget
I wanna redo
I wanna erase
I wanna wipe away that life
The nightmares & fears
The pain & the tears
The aggression & abuse
The starvation of wanting to fight