Its all closed
Its all locked
And everything is dark around me
Inside but cant get out
Listening but cant make a sound
Looking but cant see clear
Speaking but noone can hear
Around me i cannot explain
When i try to speak, noone can u understand
And when i try to make them understand, they get confused
Reaching out; this isnt a game
Reaching out; cause im going insane
I wanna close my eyes and then open them without being afraid
But my fears are all around me
My nightmares are out to get me
Im so isolated with fire and i feel im going to burn out
The tension is around me when i try to breathe
I cannot put my air anywhere so i choke
Im hyperventilating inside body; theres no room to breathe
My heart pounds faster but my body is weak
It suddenly stops because im ******* myself in my bones as i try to squeeze
I have no strength; its taken away
My weakness escaped
My strength, locked away
I wanna speak but i choke
I wanna see but my eyes close
I wanna hear but my ears are injected with static
I wanna feel but im so numb
I wanna run but i fall
I wanna breathe but my airway have been blocked
I wanna scream but my mouth is covered
I wanna cry but my eyes are shut tight
I wanna be told that i can escape but im told that i have to remain locked up inside
I wanna ice my skin but i will get frost bitten
I wanna pick myself up but im pinned to the floor
I wanna take in the breaths but my lungs have collapsed
I wanna start over but i cant
I wanna turn back time but it wont
I wanna unlock to escape,
But i threw away the key

The heart that pounds
The breath that was lost
The weakness in the body
The blurriness in the eyes
The numbness in the hands
The headaches that wont leave
The sharp pain within the skin
The blindness in the eyes
The anger that was brought on
The anxiety that would carry on
The depression that wouldnt move on
The tears in the eyes
The reality that changed
The memories that wont fade
The nightmares that stayed
The fears that wont ever escape
The strength to move on
The thoughts that block the eyes
The darkness that forbids
The drowning in the night

The feeling when my mind is numb
Is when i lose all concentration when i try to think
In a sudden shock; i freeze
My body is frozen, and then i forget how to breathe
Silence is interfering when i try to look for hidden words
I cannot speak when i want to speak
Something is stopping me
I forgot everything i wanted to do;
Everything i wanted to say
It all got ripped out of me
I feel so empty inside
I use to write with my brain
I had words all over me
My stories were told
My memories would show
Then my mind erased it all
The good memories turned bad
The stories didnt end happy
The other side of me changed and stood out more then the light
I was covered in black
I cannot erase what got painted on me
Its all black
Its all dark
I feel blind
I feel scared
No words are allowed to be spoken
I know because i tried
Its like my memories restored
Its like the good ones were a dream
Im in a nightmare now
And now i can hardly see
Now i try to use my head,
But it just keeps blocking me
Im limited to my thoughts
Im limited to speak out loud
Then when i speak in silence, its so hard to think
My body got washed out
I cant remember how to move
My voice got washed out
I cant remember how to speak
My hearing got washed out
I cant remember how to listen
My sight got washed out
I cant remember how to see
My breathing got washed out
I cant remember how to breathe
My heart got washed out
And then my mind took over
There is emptiness within

Its silent
Its dark
And i only hear my breathing to the fast pace of my heart
Noones listening
Just myself observing
I tell myself that everything is never gonna be the same
My image broke years ago
Everyday i walk against invisible crutches; that i depend on to guide me through my fears
Sometimes i let go and i wanna fall
Lose all my strength;
Then lose it all
I try to keep my focus
But all i see is the past
I lay down and roll over and keep saying i wanna go back
I cannot return whats been brought to me
I tried to make things work
I tried to heal the hurt
Then reality got worse
The feeling of numbness
But then the feeling of knives
The feeling of loneliness
But then the feeling of my fears beside me
The feeling of hyperventilating
But then the feeling of intoxication
The feeling of anxiety
But then the feeling of being dangerously calm
The feeling of hallucinations
But then the feeling of the reality of life
When i think, I remember
When i remember, i feel the anger
When i feel the anger, i feel the sadness
And then i feel the tears from eyes run down as i cry myself to sleep..

My throat is clogged
And then my chest is tight
My hands are numb
And then my fingers tingle
My ears are ringing
And then my eardrums close
My eyes are tired
And then my eyeballs burn
My mouth is open
And then my tongue is dry
Im hyperventilating
And then i feel to faint
My body is exhausted from no sleep
Dehydrated without liquids
Weak without food
And this appetite that disappears only comes when im forced to swallow the anxiety; as i try to run away from it
Im shaky
I feel my legs are going to give out
I thought i got stronger
But my mind only made me weaker
And now i have to learn how to function all over again
My heart is beating so fast
I can hear it inside my ears
When my blood is boiling, my temperature rises
Im drenched in the sweat that got me choking on my own air
Through my lungs, i feel like everything has been blocked
It unblocks only when i open my mouth to hyperventilate
But then i swallow my own fears

A flower bloomed so nice
Full of life
Full of colour
The stem was strong and so were the pedals
Opening the clothing to show its glow
But then every flower dies at one point in life
My legs gave out and then i wilted over
My colour had gone brown
My skin had marks as it tore
My bones became so brittle
My insides became so dehydrated
Then my heart grew so weak
My air was the wind; just breathing so hard
My lungs couldnt handle it anymore so i just hyperventilated
I felt all my pieces to my body shake
It was like i was being blown around;
And then the dizziness started
A trail of pedals had marked up the floor
The pedals attached, were the parts that i will have to search for
I took my pedals off one by one
And they came off so easily because i was weak
My pieces broke off fast
I ripped them off so angrily
And then they all just fell to the ground
I tried to water myself with my tears but it was too late
I cannot grow anymore
I cannot replant what already died
I cannot change how my body didnt survive

I allowed myself to leave
I left without a sound
I shut the door and locked it
I turned everything upside down
Grieve;
I continue to have sorrow
Thoughts;
I continue to be dangerous
Silence;
I continue to hide
Weakness;
I continue to fight
Memories;
I continue to think
Pain;
I continue to experience my hurts
I wanna wash it all away
I wanna move it all away
I wanna let it all out
I wanna let myself go
If i wash away my wounds will it burn?
If i wash away my thoughts will my memories erase?
If i wash my fears away will my nightmares continue?
If i wash everything with my tears will it all disappear?
If i drown myself in my tears will all the pain go away?..