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Caterina Correia Aug 2018
What is happening
My demons are reappearing
The darkness has chased away the light
Now im left to cry
Im in shock
My body has been struck
I lay here broken;
Im unable to move;
Unable to talk;
Unable to breathe
My hands are on my neck
The bruises are inside my body
So im choking
And im not breathing
Im testing my pulse
Will my heartbeats disappear
Because i feel like im already dead.
And inside my body,
My bones are becoming brittle
Im losing myself all over again
Why am i disappearing again
Im pulling myself to stay
I feel so alone
Inside my head its only me
And when im distracted,
Im pushing everyone away
Im still holding on,
Im still breaking free.
The pain is not over yet,
It wont even let me sleep.
Im so lost
And im helpless
Im unsure of what to do
I dont even know this feeling
I just dont know if i can make it through
Again im squeezing;
My neck is being trapped
Im losing air
Im losing feeling
And all these things im trying to fight back
Save me from myself
Myself is being bullied
Bullied; im pushed
Pushed on the floor
And terrorized
Untie me from my hands
Release me from my mind
Im struggling; im fighting
To finally save my life
Broken; bleeding on the floor
I opened my own cuts
Only myself can stitch up the mess
Only myself can free my soul
Only i can save myself
It needs to end
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Broken
Damaged
Shattered
Taken
She lost herself
Depressed
Angry
Anxious
Desperate
She changed drastically
Helpless
Hopeless
Useless
Reckless
She is so not careful
Not normal
Not settled
Not all there
Not perfect
Not sane
She is so weird
Controlling
Ruining
Challenging
Stay away from her
Screaming
Crying
Breaking
Hyperventilating
Insomnia
Bleeding
­She is now a stranger
Fighting,
She lost
Losing,
Shes weak
Weak is her mind,
Her mind is me
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I escaped
I broke free
I was my own enemy and fought my fears
Its a memory i dont want to remember
The bruises are inside of me
And the pain still remains
& all it takes is something small to make me turn again
Its buried,
But i accidentally dig it out
I remember
Im spacing out
I feel the pain
And so im anxious once again
That moment to remember
That moment to not breathe
That moment to try to forget
That moment to try and make it leave
Times
Places
Pictures
Things
My mind is being manipulated
Im depressed once again
My mind is being bothered
My anger is back again
My mind is being feared
Im scared once again
My mind is being played with
Im hyperventilating once again
Anything and everything
Can make the pain even worse
Anything and everything
Can release the enemy
Anything and everything
Can make me remember
Going back;
Its all making me think
I just shut my eyes and try to forget
Undo this pain once and for all
I thought it was gone forever
I guess i was wrong
And i do remember
And i dont forget
Thoughts running through my head
Memories open the door again
Im just forced to allow them back in my life
Can i just forget
How do i forget
Forget the life
That was full of regret
And then i feel like im retracing what i damaged
And what i damaged, im retracing
And what was damaged,
Is now always in a bandage.
But every so often it rips off of my mind.
Then i bleed once again
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I became settled
But i feel uneasy again
I chased away my fears
But now im scared again
I became strong
But now my weakness found me
I fought my nightmares
But now my dreams are slowly escaping
I learned to breathe
But my anxiety is attacking again
I learned to see but now my eyes are slowly closing again
I learned to speak
But my mouth is being forced to close again
I learned to hear
But the sounds are slowly getting silent again
I found happiness
But depression is trying to bring me down again
My anger was controlled
But im slowly on edge again
I was stable
But my moods are changing again
I was convinced
But now im not sure
Im still not sure if i found myself quite yet
My body, mind, and soul is getting too comfortable
They have been nourished
And now its too much
Im getting used to this feeling,
That my brain wants to stop
Why are my moods not stabilizing themselves again
Why is my anxiety acting up again
Why is my breathing starting to become difficult again
I guess i didnt lock the door properly
I need to try harder
I need to work faster
I thought it was the end;
The end to that evil soul
Its slowly coming back
Im pushing myself to ignore
Its so hard to do
Im pushing myself to just snap out of it
Because my mind is playing a game again
Is this intake too weak
Am i wanting it to be strong
I cannot handle who i was
I need the person who i am now
I cannot lose control again
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
We can only pretend
We can only remember
We can never forget
All thats left is pictures
And its the only image of you i can see
All thats left is a movie & tapes
And its the only voice of you i can hear
All thats left are treasures
And i hold them close to me
All thats left is gifts
And i will never give away
All thats left is your table
And its where you are alive to me
All thats left is tears
And that will never stop
All thats left is memories
And memories never fade
All thats left is my voice
Because i know i cant hear you speak
All thats left is my eyes
Because i know i cant look at you see
All thats left is my ears
Because i know i cant see you listening
All thats left is the mind
And i will never stop thinking of you
All thats left is a mirror
And i see you when i stare inside
All thats left is the sky
And its the only closest way to heaven
All thats left is flowers & small things
And its the only gift i can give
All thats left is a tombstone
And its the only closeness i will ever be to you
All thats left is goodbyes
And then it starts all over again
But it always will end with tears so all thats left is memories
And it never escapes my mind
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Riding inside sorrowful wheels
Our minds were so lost
Still to this day i continue to cry,
And i saw no colours but black
Because she made the colours bright
Now she doesnt drive anymore
But shes inside a car
Unable to move
Unable to speak
Unable to breathe
And we were forced to ride behind her
Blind to see the roads,
I wanted to turn back time
When is this pain going to end,
It should have never began
Alone,
Unbreathing,
Layed down to rest,
Its forever
Slowly we move,
Faster our hearts beat
Around in a circle,
I couldnt live through it
Then i made it;
But blinded;
Crying, and broken
The waving of their hands had me confused and locked up inside
Now this is the end
This is how we made her say goodbye
The hurst is what held her
Closed, and hidden inside
Arrived at the forest
With silent bodies around
Now its her turn to leave;
We had to say goodbyes above ground
She who was buried,
I felt like i was too.
Half my heart was gone
Half my heart was taken
Half my heart was shattered;
Broken
Forever gone
Half my heart was buried with her soul
So today i still cry
The black car that i see
As soon as it appears
Im unable to set myself free
The black car that i see,
It happens all the time
Everytime i see a funeral,
That day is in my mind
Like a light switch that turns on;
My anxiety turns on.
Im hyperventilating;
I cannot breathe.
The terrible memory i had to see,
This vehicle triggered a tragedy
Today i see the black car
The hurst that i hate
Today i think back when i had to witness her body escape
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Crystal clear water reveals a **** silhouette
Shiny bubbles show off a beautiful body
The waves iron long silky blonde hair
The flowers rub their colours onto a gentle fair face
And the the plants secure her tiny body
The strength of her arms
Pull back the sea behind her
Shes moving
Shes swimming
Shes singing
And shes so free
And when she moves,
The waves move with her
And when she swims,
The fish swim with her
And when she sings,
The sea shells capture her voice
When the waves move,
Her hair glides along
When the fish swim,
Her fins ride along
When the sea shells steal her voice,
Her heart is so alive
But another side into her life;
The sadness in her eyes;
When she cries noone can see
Because the water hides her tears
Creatures will never know her story
Singing to hide the pain
Noone understood her pain
Alone everyday;
So then exploring makes her thoughts go away
Fears of ships
Fears of boats
Fears of people
Fears of dying
She doesnt want to be found
Her hopes and dreams can never be broken
Hoping to survive,
Dreaming to love
Love another one;
Another half human with fins
And she continues;
Moving
Swimming
Singing
Her journeys continue
Her fears are strong
But her hopes are stronger
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