Its back
I feel it
It found me
Is it really going going to destroy me again
Break me again
I thought my fears left forever
I guess it was a lie
Now i sit, and lay down to cry
Why is this happening again
I dont understand
My enemy is back
And this time it wants revenge
I made sure it was gone
I made sure it was done
And i was so sure the stranger had disappeared forever
I was wrong
It only lightened
Now the darkness is back again
And now im blind once again
I thought it was over
And it only left me alone for a little while to allow myself to finally breathe;
To finally find myself
Now my breath is stolen once again
I need to try to breathe on my own once again
And i know im going to struggle once again
Why is this pain back?
Im being abused again
Now i need something stronger to help me fight once again
The changes are so intense,
& im so confused
My mind is exhausted
My body, again being used
Because im chained once again
And forced to swallow the key
Its all beginning again
I have to fight again
Fight the enemy; its me
Where do i stand,
Because im falling again
The pain,
Its back
Now im wondering,
Is my mind going against what was helping me?

Heart of gold
Heart of kindness
Heart of emotions
Heart of strength
What happened to those days that she was moving forward
And life was getting better
Life was finally making sense
What happened to those days she helped so many
And nothing was returned
But her heart was still shining
What happened to those days she was told a thousand lies
And then the truth broke her
But her face was always smiling
Where did she go
I still dont believe it
It feels like that day is still happening
Over and over; my head is a record player
And there is no forward button
Memories sharp
Memories make pain
I wish i could undo what was once taken away
I wish i could bring back a treasure that couldnt be touched
I have been bent and broken way too many times;
But now im shattered
The pieces lay with her resting soul
Until we meet again,
Im separated in a thousand bits
Teary eyes will never leave me
My head is a theatre;
And this movie had a sad ending
One day to be happy
Another day she had to know
Other days to suffer
The last day she was forced to go

Why am i weak when i used to be strong
Why am i depressed when i used to be happy
Why am i scared when i used to be brave
Why the anxiety when i used to me stable
Why the anger when i used to be calm
Why did i forget when i used to remember
Why am i hurting myself when i didnt know what a weapon looked like
& im a puppet on invisible strings
I continue to be pressured into negativity
All my strength has been stolen from me
My body is a trade for a living monster
Im slowly disappearing
When i use violence is when im trying to make them leave
But they know how to fight
When i run, im actually walking
But they know how to slow me down
When i sink, is when im trying to drown my demons
But they know how to swim

Attitude; is it just the teenage spirit
Yelling for nothing
Rude amongst the world
Mood swings; is this normal
The thoughts that run
The thoughts that walk
The thoughts that jump
My stomach is in knots from the switching
What emotion do i hold inside?
Insomnia; why is the bed pushing me away
Awake for days
What is sleep?
Hallucinations
Am i actually seeing things
Am i actually hearing things
My mind is playing games and tricking me
Anxiety; why cant i breathe
These anxiety attacks are beating me up
My heart is racing and its leading to...
Hyperventilation
The nerves put pressure on me
Im chocking;
Unbreathing;
And now its leading to...
Dizziness
I know im going to fall
Anger; my vocal cords are being scraped
Things thrown
The pulling of my hair
The slamming of my door
Yelling for nothing
Yelling so quickly
This will never stop
Depression; the sadness isnt leaving my body
Didnt want to leave the house
I wanted to drown in my tears
Turning away from everyone
Not wanting to talk to anyone
And the phone calls that i ignored
Made friends come save me from my jail
Everyday i drowned in my tears
Self-mutilation; the knife became my new best friend
I opened my own cuts
And forced the red liquid out of my body
My skin was so torn apart
But i wanted to bleed until i felt dizzy,
Until i hyperventilated
Until i felt so relaxed
It was my only escape
Promiscuous;
Left my friends for strangers
Everyday it was someone new
There was no caring
Not for them, and not for myself
Relationships were too challenging for me
I needed to relieve the stress
Road rage; i almost died
Driving away from it all
I needed to be free
Trapped once again,
My bones got damaged
Another story to tell
Now this is me: scarred for life
Physically, and mentally
Low self-esteem
Ugliness
Fat
Stupid
Just not worth anything
Impaired memory;
Memory loss stole all my strength
Everything i knew, i forgot
Everyone i knew, i forgot
Everything i owned, I misplaced
Im too young to forget
Shopping sprees;
Spending to have excitement
But then later my moods go back to normal
Alcoholic; drinking to create happiness
On the driveway
In my room
The love for intoxication was so normal to me
Denial; i was ok
I thought i was ok
I actually wasnt ok
Medication; my decision was finally positive
No going back,
No more killing my spirit
This is for life, but im finally alive
Medicated, but finally strong
Depression faded to happiness
Anger faded to excitement
Insomnia faded to sleeping patterns
Self-mutilation faded into throwing away all the weapons
Promiscuous faded into a relationship
Intoxication faded into being sober
Finally strong but controlled for life

Caged prisoner was in the past
I was dead inside my own body
I locked the door behind me because i didnt want to know how to escape
And so i buried the key
Like a caterpillar, im so slow
Most of all my strength was not fast
Going knowhere;
I just gave up
As the sun opened my eyes,
I knew i had to move on
This was the end
I undid everything from my mind
My chains
My thoughts
My scars
I unleashed myself and started to grow again
I had to learn to be trapped,
So that i can move again
I was closed in
But my body woke up
My mind turned on
I took my first breath
And the darkness around me,
Melted to colours
I finally took a proper breath
I finally opened my tight eyes
The trembling heart in my body,
Finally stable
My confused brain finally functions
No more worries
No more fears
No more drama
No more self mutilation
No more hating the mirror
Strength grew on me once again
I escaped the negativity
I undid the cocoons i once was in
My colours blind the evil
I moved fast away from it all
Now im in the sky,
Watching everything i once missed
That i didnt know from before
Butterfly;
Im finally free

I had to learn to control my anger
It turned into danger
When i get angry
Im thought as a drama queen
When my voice is raised
But noone understands
When my body throws itself against the wall
People think im crazy
When i throw things across the room
They think im a maniac
When im hyperventilating
They think im overreacting
When i cry
They just laugh
I picked up my own pieces with some help
I dont want to be broken again
I finally spoke
Dont try to shut me up
I finally opened my eyes
Dont try to cover them
I finally came back to life when i nearly killed myself
Dont make me start over again
Im sane
When i was insane
Im medicated
Do you want me to stop now
Move away from my anger
I can turn into danger
Stay back
Dont speak
Dont look
Dont even breathe
Mind over power
My brain rescues me
Heart over people
My body protects me
Do you remember when she screamed
Do you remember when she cried
Do you remember when she ran out
Do you remember when she wanted to die
Undo yourself from your stupid thoughts
Undo yourself from trying to control me
Talk to me about what you think
And ill pretend im even listening
I wont listen
Im not weak anymore
Im strong enough to fight the pain away
Try to break me;
Try to snap me;
I will only bend like an elastic;
wrapping the nonsense right out of your brain
Dont draw these thoughts again
I broke your pencil
Do you want to test my strength again

Pieces of the mind
Pieces of the body
Have been torn apart
The strength that was present is now buried so deep within
All the weakness has risen
And now the spirit and soul is so heavy
This pain of every emotion has suddenly struck and shocked
Chipping away the tragedies,
The puzzle slowly breaks
Stretching away the mind,
Its getting pulled so fast
Breaking of the heart
Its in pieces on the floor
Eyes are blind
Ears are plugged
Mouth is mute
And i cannot breathe
Damaged, hurt, broken
Its the end
There is no explanation for pain
There is no explanation for negativity
There is no explanation for life
Ive been moved
Ive been touched
Ive been filled with different emotions
Ive been pushed
Ive been knocked over
I flew through the air
I met the floor
I broke to pieces