Laying in bed and I notice how
empty it is.
how empty everything is.
It all means nothing.
Everything I do and have done.
It was all for this nothingness.
I want to shatter it and break out.
I want to scream until the world is deaf.
I don't want to be here, in all this emptiness.
...
and its not that I'm suicidal.
I just don't want to be here or with all these
fake people who are and do nothing.
I'd take you, and maybe a few others away from this
life with me.
we'll never come back to this, our, hell.
I promise.

It's too dark in the corners.
I watch the shadows in my room
as they shift and step towards me.
Shivering I push myself away,
only to feel as my inner demons
claw their way up and out of me.
Emerging slowly and painfully
through my conscience
my personal hells hover over my body,
then seep into my mind
and their soft voices sicken me with their torment.
They sweep themselves through me,
leaving red moons and lines and
their victim begs for them to stop
but they refuse and continue to burn
the numb girl in her own insanity.
crying into the night,
pleading and sobbing for them to let her go.
Her voice does nothing to break
the quiet that now pulsates and suffocates her.
she can still feel the demons razor-like hands
as they had traced her body,
shredding her skin and
tearing her mind from the reality.
Shaking violently, tears streaming down her face,
she holds her body and rocks back and forth
back and forth.
It is a weak attempt at safety and protection...
and she knows it.
But she chooses to believe if she
protects herself like this,
the demons won't be able to come back
and tear her from everything
and leave her screaming at the darkness outside
and within.

I sit in my cold bath
It holds the even colder girl.
Slowly deteriorating.
She breaks from a love
that makes her strong...
But when it's gone,
the girl is weak
and slowly rots in her head.
Without those arms that
held her safe from the monster,
It invades her again
and makes her choke on her own
poison and pain.
Without that voice that sang away her fears,
She's lost in her ocean of nightmares.
She shivers,
colder than ever and feels as
her spirit numbs her from the inside out.
She is weak and so vulnerable.
She needs the love whose happiness is hers
and can make her day brighter than
the night stars and the sun.
Reminiscing in her memories,
the frozen girl becomes black and blue.
There is red too
From the bite and pull of her fingernails.
Leaving scars instead of her lover's marks.
Finally calming herself,
She remembers her love is coming home soon
and will protect her from the monsters.
No more pain or fears.
For the first time in the dark night,
the girl smiles and is safe in her mind.

Memorize.
I memorize the details of your face.
You're leaving for a week,
I know that doesn't sound like much
but to me, it's forever.
I memorize the way you close your eyes
and the way you take a breath.
I memorize how soft your skin is.
I memorize the shape of your cheeks
and the feeling of your skin beneath my fingertips.
I memorize the shape of your brows and shuttered eyes
and the feel of them beneath the pad of my thumb.
I memorize the gentle ***** of your nose
and how it felt as my fingertips trailed it.
I memorize the soft silk of your hair
and how it felt as I brushed your bangs back.
I memorize the shape of your lips
as I trace them with my fingertip.
I memorize your smell
as I bury my face into your neck.
I memorize the feeling of your
arms wrapped around me.
Finally, I memorize the taste of your kiss.
The way your mouth moves against mine,
and the flavor of your tongue.
Now you're leaving and I feel
the tears fill my eyes as I watch you leave.
But I know I'll be okay.
I have you in my memories.
Just know, love,
I'll be waiting until these
memories are no more
and you're back here with me.
I love you.

There was something soft about the way she moved.
It was quiet and slow.
She was thinking of something,
deep in her own mind.
She wanted to be left alone to her thoughts.
She didn't want to talk tonight,
her thoughts were too heavy for her voice.
They would break her if
she tried to utter them
and she wasn't quite ready to break,
even though she knew that later in the night
when everything was dead,
her thoughts would become too loud
and she'd break out of fear and pain.
She would pour herself into the night
and it would all be gone by morning.
She smiled to herself, and thought
this is why she loved the night.

I'm scared.
I'm scared of waking up one day
and realizing I didn't do anything.
I didn't do enough.
I'm scared I'll never travel or go places.
I didn't try hard enough.
I'm scared I won't be successful or secure.
I didn't work hard enough.
But most of all,
I'm scared for my happiness.
I'm scared for you,
of losing you.
And knowing that
I didn't love enough.
Please.
Don't let me wake up scared.
Let me wake up to you.

Beauty is a child's game,
A lie they say.
And so I believed.
My world and all of it's nature
lost it's beauty.
But then one day,
months later,
There was you.
And you were beautiful.
You came into my world,
my empty, gray and numb world,
and showed me what beauty was again.
It was in every ray of sunshine,
every breath of fresh air,
every moment of light and laughter.
It was all in you.
The beauty of the world was in you.
And now....
you are my world.

Reach out to the corner of darkness
in your mind
Wrap it around you
It is your shield from the illuminant
From the fake, shiny and perfect
Break away and turn inwards
Towards your pain,
            your twisted,
     your imperfection.
Nobody knows of the red and the black
Of the glint and the pulse
Nobody but the voices and the broken.

A soft word on parted lips
Gentle, warm and moist
Chocolate brown eyes that understand
Light kisses against my skin
that hint at something more.
I feel her laughter that bubbles forth
and we're both smiling,
it deepens and an unspoken tension
flits between us, luring and tempting.
begging to do more.
My lips part willingly for her
And I taste her on my tongue.
She is sweet and glowing against me.
The heat rises and ebbs,
touches become wanton and frantic
I plead with her to give me my desire.
wish granted
sleep stole over her after the deed,
but I am wrapped in her and awake.
My fingers slip through her hair,
at some attempt to tame it.
Giving up, I chuckle
and kiss her.
Just her.
Her forehead, her hair, her nose, her eyes, her cheeks.
And lastly her lips.
My love and my life
*how I love you.