I don't think love has a definition. So giw do I know that what I felt, what I feel for you isn't love? And I know that I'm just me and I'm not inside if your head but I want to believe that you feel something for me too. Maybe it was all just a game. But I believed you when you said it wasn't. Everybody deserves a happy something and even though this whole **** thing blew up in my face I did get that. I got that happy something for a little while. What about you? I want to say that I wouldn't go back but honestly. If you showed up right now I would make love over and over again with you. I would feel pain and happiness religiously if you wanted it too. But that's the thing. Maybe I love you and maybe this is just wishful thinking but I get to decide. I choose more. I know you don't and I get it. But I would kiss you in the rain and make you laugh and try to be **** and cuddle and listen to your sleepy mumbles. I'll sing in the car and eat not enough food and go mini golfing and make love and kiss you until our breathes become one. Know this. Know that I am an option. You simply chose to give up.

I am gluing my eyes
shut
with mascara and tears.
I can't bear to see you strive to not see me
and to
look at her.
I am bruised and I feel so
stupid.
I should have known.
I should have known.

How can you do this.
I trusted you.
Did I do something?
I can't deal with it.
Sorryy. I'm sorry
Please..
My heart is ******* hurting.

******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* *******
I deserve someone who loves me back

Why do
I
keep believing
you?

God. I am in so
**** deep.
I don't know if I can
get out.
I know that I
don't mind.

I have decided that I
do not
believe in love.
Which is easier?
To knew that
it will never work and
become
heartbroken
daily or to
hope that it will and fall apart at the
end.
I do know this.
"I can write the saddest thing of all."
To look into his eyes
To kiss his lips
To laugh, to be silly.
To fall.
I am. I am. But I
I don't believe in love.
Everyday I break my heart so that you cannot.