I want
love

I'm sitting here
reading poetry and listening to
"please cheer me up"
music.
It's not
working.
I'm texting a boy. Gonna get
laid. I just read
a poem about
a girl who liked
pain during *******.
And I'm thinking
me too.
So tired.
So tired of love.
It only gives up.
***. Well that can't hurt.
Unless you want it to.
And that, it's a pain
but one I
control.
Deserve.
Want.
Bite me and break me and bruise me and
show me what I am made of.
I don't know. What is it?
Tomorrow I'll brag.
"I'm getting the D. Yeah. ****. Women want it to."
(I'm a feminist)
Tonight, I'll cry. Tonight I'll break.
This weekend.
Then I'll **** until I can't feel anything
but your sweat against mine
and the breaking of my skin.

Writers lie
we create works of fiction and we pour our souls into it.
It's no wonder that we lie.
About the silliest things.
I can't stop it.
I am so passionate.
About everything.
Maybe
that contributes too.
But I don't know.
I like to blame it on
being a
writer.

For some reason
when I think of
the
texture
of hope I keep seeing
a woven basket.
I have no idea why.
I guess maybe because they're easily
broken
like hope.
Or maybe
it's not a metaphor.
Maybe that's just what
hope
feels like
to me.

There's this guy at my school and he
likes me.
He's not my type.
He's naiive and not tall or skinny and he's nice.
But he likes me.
And I want to be like.
I'm not who you
think I
am.
I am a *****.
I am a liar.
I am a poet.
I am not
not
not
not.
I don't know what his thought process is.
God.
I want to be
ya know,
right.
Funny and nerdy and cute.
Maybe
I am
those things.
But I'm also the reverse.
And my humor is mean and dry.
And my ADD kicks in making it hard to play Magic.
And cute? Hell, no. I wish.
I don't know
what
I'm doing.
There's no way I would ever get in a
relationship.
I'd ruin him.
Literally.
I want to be
what others need.
But I'm just
me

When I hear the shower running after dinner and know that my sister is throwing up
2. Realizing that I am alone and I can't run forever
3. Knowing that I'm never gonna be good enough
4. There are other people hurting and it can't be stopped
5. I'm Giving Up On You by It's a Big World
6. Poetry
7. My parents
8. Seeing him and knowing that it's not him I want, just love
9. I don't know if I'm strong enough
10. Everybody leaves

Forget
Feel
Stay awake
Stay alive
Not self harm
Find love and feel loved
Breath
Think
Not think
Express myself
Cry
Hear the keys click clack
Smile
Feel relief
Be real
Do the things I'm scared of