She closed the door on the world.

Shutting out the cold wind, the pouring rain.

Closing her eyes
embracing the silence
warming her broken heart with emptiness

My heart beats fast in my chest
as friends this is a big step
as a friend in love with a friend
this could be the end of the world.

My knees get weak at the thought
of you sleeping with just a wall between us.

My stomach clenches at the thought
of seeing you every morning as I sip my coffee.

I'm saving up jokes to tell at night
so I can fall asleep to your laugh.

I'm saving up compliments for the day
so I can go to work with your smile.

My heart beats fast in my chest
this could ruin our friendship
as a friend in love with a friend
this may as well be the end of the world.

I've got a lot to think about
now that we've spoken
nearly three years have passed
since I called you friend.

I've been filled with doubt
ever since that fight awoken
feelings of long last
that have come to their end.

I don't need you in my life
as harsh as it may sound
our friendship was expendable
but for some reason you seek contact.

All the years caused such strife
words thrown like glass shatter on the ground
you weren't so dependable
memories and laughter I retract.

Like falling down stairs
you know before it happens
that misstep
the drop in your gut

Like falling down stairs
you know the pain before it's felt
that initial shock
the suppressed cry of pain

Like falling down stairs
hoping no one was witness
the embarrassment
the fear of getting back up

We stood at the top
when you pushed me down
the falling
hurt more than the landing

Falling in love with you
arrested my heart and
left a pain
lingering through my body,
infusing into my soul,
never ceasing to
grind my emotions.

I** had
never

loved anyone before
or think I ever will again.
Verified loneliness leaves me
expecting your return,

whether for love or friendship,
I will forever hold a place for you.
Threatened by no other man, my
heart is completely

yours.
Other boys may try to persuade but they
underestimate my feelings for you.

I don't want to cry
but I can feel the tears.
The words pierced my heart
as they fell from your mouth.

Anger spewed from my soul
as you sprouted an apology.
Those words were too late
they shouldn't have been needed.

But you chose to break me
the cracks are visible to the world.
I try on a smile, it's too fake
I try out a laugh, it's too weak.

I missed you before the words
but this fault has made me loathe.
You can't take them back
and I can't forget them.

I thought about you today,
fifteen,
sitting on my couch,
my parent's couch,
when they were not home,
when we were alone.

I thought about the little details,
the ones you remembered from that day,
the picture on the wall,
the color of my sister's jacket,
the name of my dog,
how you wanted to hold my hand.

It's been almost ten years
and all I remember is regret,
regret for not kissing you on the boat,
regret for never telling you how I felt,
regret for letting her be your first kiss,
regret for my naivety at fifteen.

Don't worry
I'll be just fine
sitting here
waiting for your text

Don't worry
I'll be just fine
sitting here
waiting for your excuse

Don't worry
I'll fine
waiting alone
contemplating your words

Don't worry
I'm fine
waiting alone
reading between your lines

This feeling nags,
tugs at my heart strings,
Composing a sad song.

Dear love,
first love,
where did we go wrong?

I saw myself in white,
I saw you by my side,
the only place you belong.

Now love,
first love,
you are long gone.

I miss your eyes,
how they shined,
they've been gone so long.

Dear love,
first love,
where did we go wrong?

Was it how you forgot to love me?
Was it my betrayal before you left me?
I thought our love was lifelong.

Now love,
first love,
You are long gone.

But love,
first love,
your memory lives on.

When I first met you
you were just a boy
I'd hoped I could help you grow up

It didn't take me long to realize
that would never happen

I was angry
I was hurt

But when we talked the other night
you were so much more than that boy
you were the man I'd longed for

It didn't take me long to realize
my feelings hadn't changed

I'm falling in love
or maybe I never stopped

Would my words flatter you
or start a tailspin
that ends with you running
in a direction away from my arms?

I hope you would run into them,
my arms.

If my words did flatter you
would you have words
that would turn my cheeks red
as you press your lips against mine?

I imagina they are soft and gentle,
you lips.

If my words didn't flatter you
I would burn them
before you could truly understand
that I want to love you.

I imagine they wouldn't flatter you,
my words.

Your tongue tastes of cigarettes
Your hands are cold against my skin
My heart beats faster, my hands find your chest
I should push you away
but I pull you closer
I can't just be happy with what I have.

My forbidden fruit
you linger in front of me
irresistible
I will hold you, taste you, enjoy you.

I can't forgive you
for getting in the car,
no, for getting behind the wheel
of that car.

I won't forgive you
for drinking the whiskey,
no, for drinking before you drove
the car away.

I can't forgive you
for taking that corner,
no, for driving way to fast
on that road.

I won't forgive
for taking my friend,
no, for taking our friend
out of our lives.

For now
I'm over your eyes
your laugh.

For now
I don't feel the need
to call you.

For now
I can put the bottle
in the cupboard.

For now
you are a hundred miles away
from my mind.

But in the spring
you'll be back
close enough to touch.

And when you see
the bottle in my hand
do not ask me to dance.

This heart is fragile,
bearing a sign 'Handle With Care',
but it has been thrown around,
hammered with wear and tear.

Just when it's patched,
and packaged for shipment,
the box gets dropped,
and the result is torment.

The last delivery scheduled,
not all that too long ago,
the recipient assumed to be a man,
with hopes of becoming beau.

He left the box unopened,
left the package out in the rain,
nothing but a selfish boy,
who created all this pain.

What has he done to this girl,
'Handle With Care' is no longer readable,
she longed for just one kiss,
but thoughts of love are now inconceivable.

His laugh promised happiness,
but the pieces no longer fit together,
her heart stranded out in the storm,
unable to sustain the weather.

With every call he rejects,
she applies more stitching,
hoping one day, one night,
he will realize all that he is missing.

From across the room
I'm falling in love with you.
Your eyes, your smile, your hair, your voice.

From across the room
I noticed your demeanor.
Your hands, your back, your legs.

We've barely talked
We only have one week.
But,

from across the room
I noticed how much I could love
you, all of you.

It's girls like her I envy.
The in place hair,
the flawless skin.
The tiny waist,
the long legs.
The easy laugh,
the wealthy family.

But there's one thing I envy most:
she gets you.

Get over yourself.
Remember how I used to make you laugh
or how
we talked until 2 am.

Under appreciated,
partially insane.

(Believe me, I never wanted to fall in love,
especially with you.

After all,

meeting you was,
always will be,
nothing to forget.)

Burnt out lanterns
          swaying in the wind.
Harsh Winter bares his glistening teeth
          biting at my exposed flesh
          tearing at my tattered layers.
He whispers in my ear
          threatens my life with
                                               hunger
                                               thirst
          promising death
                                               in the end.
Harsh Winter wears a mask
          of white, glittery fabric.
He walks around impersonating
          instilling images of
                                                family
                                                friends
                                                love.
Harsh Winter tempts you
          only to take your heart
                                                freeze it
                                                shatter it.
Harsh Winter is not your friend.

Should I hate you?
For all the things you've said,
I should hate you.

Should I love you?
For all the smiles we've shared,
for all the secret glances,
all the dreams,
the kisses,
I should love you.

I want to love you.
I want you.

You think I'm crazy.
I should hate you.
I love you.
I shouldn't.

Does he think about the girl he hasn't met yet?

Does he wish she was there when he's upset,
when he's happy,
when he's lonely?

Does he think about what her hair  feels like?

Does he wish he could look into her eyes
tell her his hopes,
his dreams?

Does he think about what her laugh sounds like?

Does he want to see her smile
when he's had a bad day,
when he brings home flowers?

Does he wonder if she is thinking about him?

Does he picture me
the way I picture him
as the man I haven't met yet.

Have you ever thought about
your lips against mine,
your hands in my hair?

Have you imagined my hands
on your back
holding you close to me?

Have you ever thought about
spending the night,
waking up next to me?

Have you imagined the day
spent in the sun
just you and me?

Have you ever thought about it?
Have you imagined it?

It's inconvenient
one needs a beating heart
when I have given mine to you.
Betrothed it has become
without your consent
to your cardiac system.
I sit here cold
'fore I have no blood
without my vascular *****.

The last rays of sun
linger like this dream of you
the heat barely lasts.

He never called it love,
but I held his world in my hand.
How strong he felt we never spoke of.

A pedestal he had me sit, high above,
to look upon his heart, his sacred land.
He never called it love.

It seemed we fit, our hearts, like a glove.
Reciprocation was too much to demand.
How strong he felt we never spoke of.

Persuaded was the heart, gentle shove
to a feeling not willing to expand.
He never called it love.

Up on a pedestal, so high above,
wind blew feelings away like sand.
How strong he felt we never spoke of.

Losing him I never thought of.
Eternity was pictured and
he never called it love.
How strong he felt we never spoke of.

How can
I help it? They're
something I

long to taste.
If only he would
press them to mine time might
stop.

These are times I wonder
if he even really sees me.
Am I only there
when he needs me to be?
Sometimes I think to myself
and ask, "Am I invisible?"

These are times I know
he watches what I do.
But not the way
I watch his every move.

These are times I believe there's hope,
but most of the time I know there isn't.

I've gotten my hopes up.

Angry at myself
frustrated with this feeling
I let him get to me.

Heart always on a shelf
I must begin dealing
with what isn't to be.

Maybe I shouldn't give up,
quite yet,
but it still hurts.

It may be just a bump
I shouldn't be upset
I'll still flirt.

But,

I've gotten my hopes up.

It's amazing to me
how many poems I can write
about the way you say my name

I find it quite silly actually
after all you're just a man
and it's just my name

But here I am
pen in hand
Pouring out the emotion I feel

i can't do this anymore.
i can't take the pain.
it Hurts so bad,
so bad.

i need someone to talk to.
to tell you that i Hurt.
i Hurt not because you left me
but because i never had you.

I can't say that I'm happy for you
because you were so awful to me
all your hurtful words ran me through

what did you expect me to do
simply let my broken heart be
I can't say that I'm happy for you

the ringer that you put me through
all the tears that you wouldn't see
all your hurtful words ran me through

my skies were clouded, never blue
I told you I wasn't anymore happy
I can't say that I'm happy for you

I don't wish hurt for you
just a taste of what you did to me
all your hurtful words ran me through

and, no, I can't say either that I loved you
but you brought out the worst in me
I can't say that I'm happy for you
all your hurtful words ran me through

I saw your smile from across the patio,
it lit up the night.
I heard your laugh as I talked with friends,
it rang in my ears.
I glanced your way and my heart stopped,
blood ceased to flow.

I didn't know you'd be here.

I long to touch your lips,
I long to hear your voice saying my name.
I long to feel your heart beat in time with mine.

I saw your smile from across the patio,
I saw you smile for her.
I heard your laugh as I talked with friends,
I heard you laugh for her.
I glanced your way and my heart stopped,
I heard your heart stop for her.

I didn't know you'd be here.
I didn't know you'd be here.

I wish him unhappy
each night I close my eyes
and dream him heartache.

I wish him lonliness
everytime I see his smile
I pray for him ten times the tears.

He would be unhappy
he would be lonely
if there was no her.

I couldn't live if you loved her.
I couldn't breathe if you kissed her.
I couldn't move if you touched her.
I couldn't speak if you whispered to her.
I couldn't sleep if you dreamt of her.
I couldn't smile if you laughed with her.
I couldn't feel if you cared for her.
If you don't love me
love anyone but her.
I couldn't live if you loved her.

So quiet,
but your eyes spoke volumes.
When they met mine from across the room
it all seemed so clear.

I had to get to know you.

So soft,
but your words are burned into my brain.
I needed to know all about you
so I asked more questions.

I had to get to know you.

So sad,
but I knew we would have to part.
I plan on seeing you again
even if you don't know it yet.

I had to get to know you.

So sorry,
but I can't let you just get away.
When your eyes met mine
it all seemed so clear.

I had to get to know you.

When I look at you, I know,
if I was someone else
maybe we could fall in love.

When I hear your voice, I know,
if our paths crossed at the right moment
maybe you'd write lyrics just for me.

When I see you smile, I know,
if you could take the time to get to know me
your world would tilt and I'd be your sun.

I'd be the gravity that kept you grounded.
I'd be the reason for the light in your eyes,
the reason for your song,
for your laugh.

You'd call me,
"the reason you live".

I

looked into his eyes
overlooking the pain in mine
vanity
enveloped all other emotion

touching him
overtook my heart with
overwhelming devastation

i
never
thought he wouldn't change his mind
even after my pleas, my tears he
never budged on his
stance to
erase me from his
life and leave me
yearning.

I'm back,
back to loving you again.
I never really stopped.
You've always had it all,
my heart,
my love,
my life.
My life isn't a life without you,
without hearing your voice,
your laugh,
oh, how I love your laugh.

I miss you so much,
too much to bear.

I
never thought I'd find someone like you
appealing
carefully avoiding this situation
creating a fantasy in my head
evaluating the consequences
sick of myself for the thought
someone else's husband
I** could never do that to a family
believing you're not that kind of man
leave it alone
entertaining the thought

Its in a song
in every line
in every note

Its in a chorus
in every beat
in every crescendo

Its in a song
on the radio
on an album

The way I felt about you
Its in a song
Everyone else sings about it
But you wouldn't believe it

Now I realize I never really knew you
but I cried when you left
I could have really loved you
I could have got to know you
Then I could have loved you

I wonder what would happen if I saw you now
Would my heart break or beat
Would I cry or would I laugh

With you I could have loved again
but now it'll have to wait
My heart will have to heal
because I never really knew you
It seems silly to cry over

Tonight I found the letters,
the pages you never read.
Tonight I tore out the pages
of words that I never spoke aloud.
Tonight I didn't read those words,
tonight I tore those pages in half
and then in half again.

Two years ago you found my heart,
the heart you never cared for.
Two years ago you tore out my heart
and left it lying on the ground.
Two years ago I gave you that heart,
two years ago you tore that heart in half
and then in half again.

The first time I saw your smile
all inhibitions were lost.

Calling time my own, it's been awhile.

The first time I saw your smile
I knew for you I'd walked a many mile.
I'd do anything, pay any cost.

The first time I saw your smile
all inhibitions were lost.