Slinking in the dark,
Lying low,
Yearning to taste the hunt.
Freeing the wild instinct,
Opening up his senses,
X**-ray vision in the black night.

Burnt out lanterns
          swaying in the wind.
Harsh Winter bares his glistening teeth
          biting at my exposed flesh
          tearing at my tattered layers.
He whispers in my ear
          threatens my life with
                                               hunger
                                               thirst
          promising death
                                               in the end.
Harsh Winter wears a mask
          of white, glittery fabric.
He walks around impersonating
          instilling images of
                                                family
                                                friends
                                                love.
Harsh Winter tempts you
          only to take your heart
                                                freeze it
                                                shatter it.
Harsh Winter is not your friend.

I'm back,
back to loving you again.
I never really stopped.
You've always had it all,
my heart,
my love,
my life.
My life isn't a life without you,
without hearing your voice,
your laugh,
oh, how I love your laugh.

I miss you so much,
too much to bear.

Untrusting.
You never called back,
You never want to see me.

You Never Called Back!

Nameless.
I'll scream to your face,
I'll give you a name.

*******!

You never ******* called back!
You *******.

I thought you would be different, but you're all the same.

Now I realize I never really knew you
but I cried when you left
I could have really loved you
I could have got to know you
Then I could have loved you

I wonder what would happen if I saw you now
Would my heart break or beat
Would I cry or would I laugh

With you I could have loved again
but now it'll have to wait
My heart will have to heal
because I never really knew you
It seems silly to cry over

Waiting,
like the last leaf for the wind.
     Lonely,
like the lone tree in the field of wheat.
     Forgotten,
like the change on the floorboard.
     Distracted.
     Lost.
     Afraid.

     *Waiting.

Remember when you killed me?
You left me bleeding in your bed.
My heart stopped beating as you walked out the door.
Now I'm dead.
No more talking
No more laughing
No more loving
No feeling.
**Dead.

You hold me as if you know me.
You kiss me as if you won't miss me.
Skeptical? I think not.
Trusting? I know I'm not.
Suspicious? I try not to be.
Willing? More than likely.

I know you won't miss me.
I know you don't know me.
This is what I will be believe.

there was a stillness in the air.

no leaves rustled.
no frost crackled.

no air stirred.
no birds sung.

i didn't blink.
i didn't breathe.
i didn't feel my heartbeat.

there was a stillness in the air
to echo the lull within my chest.

no tears boiled atop my open eyelids.
no sobs escaped my tranquil lips.

there was stillness in the air.

She's pretty.

I bet she's really nice, too.
Someone you can count on,
someone to help you through.

I've never met her,
and I don't really want to.
I don't want to get to know her.

What do you want me to do?
Fight for what I never had?
Fight for you?

I'm better off watching,
although I don't enjoy the view.
Not at all.

I wanted to love you.
I was ready to fall.
I was ready to give my all to you.

Now here I sit,
pining for something new,
other than this thought,

She's pretty.

There is one thing
I miss about you

the way you held me.

There is one thing
I miss about winter

the way you kept me warm.

There is one thing
I miss about our apartment

the way it smelled like you.

There is one thing
I miss about that year

the way I was always smiling.

There is one thing
I miss about being in love

the way I was in love with you.

you never took a second look
you never looked back

I was giving you a chance
a chance to let you love me
a chance to let me love you

but you threw it away
you threw away a chance

As the snow softly falls
drifting on the breeze
is a whisper
telling my secrets
repeating them back to me

Secrets
images of us
kissing in the cold
you holding me tight
keeping us both warm

Snowflakes on my nose
you kiss them away
I taste them on your lips

I can't stop thinking about you
why can't you be mine?
why can't we love?

All of a sudden
your face came to mind.

The feel of your hand
on the small of my back,
the feel of your lips
tickling my neck.

The sound of your laugh
Haunting!

The smell of your skin
Intoxicating!

All of a sudden
your face came to mind
my heart broke
again
and I realized

just how alone I am.

All the stars in the southwestern sky
couldn't add up to all the tears I cried.

When you walked away that February day
after three years we had shared
on a day meant for love
you proved to me you'd never cared.

When I saw you that chilly November night
nearly two years after that fateful break,
you had turned into something I hate.

Silence encompassed the space we occupied
and once again my heart cried,
shattered in front of you
I realized
I will always love you.

Its in a song
in every line
in every note

Its in a chorus
in every beat
in every crescendo

Its in a song
on the radio
on an album

The way I felt about you
Its in a song
Everyone else sings about it
But you wouldn't believe it

Should I hate you?
For all the things you've said,
I should hate you.

Should I love you?
For all the smiles we've shared,
for all the secret glances,
all the dreams,
the kisses,
I should love you.

I want to love you.
I want you.

You think I'm crazy.
I should hate you.
I love you.
I shouldn't.

In my sleep,
dreams,
we are civil.
We are friends.

We laugh and smile like we used to.
We talk and share secrets.

You are no longer my enemy.
Someone I loathe

hate

In my sleep,
dreams,
we are not lovers again.
We are friends.

And that is all I ask for.

In a room of hundreds
it is you I pick out,
it is you who stand outs from the rest.

Your jacket
Your hair,
dark
mysterious

Your face
Your smile,
innocent
young

It is you,
in this crowded room,
I want to be close to
I want to get to know you.

Hold your hand
Kiss your mouth
Be your girl

Be the girl,
in this crowded room,
you want to be close to.

Now
          when I hear our song
I don’t forget to breathe
I don’t choke on the memories
I don’t drown in the tears

Tonight
          when I wish on shooting stars
I won’t wish for you
I won’t count our days apart
I won’t close my eyes to dream of your kiss

Tomorrow
          when I wake from sleep
I will unwrap my body from the blankets
I will go out into the world alone
I will survive without you





I can’t remember who you are
I can’t remember who I was with you

Being close to you felt warm,
felt safe.
Being close to you felt right,
felt real.
I still feel your memory,
I still feel your kiss.

The tears that still fall are all I have left of you.






Now I don't know where you are.

Hope is the color blue,
clear blue.
     Not ocean blue,
     nor sky blue.
     A special blue,
     your own blue.

     A color I want in my world.

The sunlight does not brighten
The warmth sends a chill.
The birds sing noise,
never song.
Darkness is a comfort,
silence company.

I see him in you
Your eyes hold the same shine.
I hear him in you
Your voice whispers the same words.
Your lips I long to kiss,
will they taste like his?
Your hand I long to hold,
will it feel like his?

Physical pain
masks the emotion
accompanying it, easing it?
Proving I can feel more?
But the ache of the heart overpowers
coloring the light red, black.

Nearly a year, a million tears.
Flooded by memories
breached dams of distances.

Is it the wine that makes me honest?
Brings out the feelings?
Make me want to call you,
tell you everything?

So many tears,
only a year.

The bottle warms in my hand
only a sip but I'm already numb
My heart couldn't beat any slower without completely stopping

Like a sunset that lasts too long
beautiful but painful

Like a song without a chorus
forgetful but unique

Your tongue tastes of cigarettes
Your hands are cold against my skin
My heart beats faster, my hands find your chest
I should push you away
but I pull you closer
I can't just be happy with what I have.

My forbidden fruit
you linger in front of me
irresistible
I will hold you, taste you, enjoy you.

The heavy weight on my shoulders slows me down
The guilt in my stomach ties it in knots
There is no regret
just fear tugging at my heart.

Omission and lies
betrayal and dishonesty

I would apologize
but it would require an explanation
An explanation I can not share without hurt.

Loathing and hurt
tears and anxiety

Grateful for secrets and those who keep them.

In this night sky
     pregnant with little lights
          love has a chance to last.

Tonight's sky so vast
     bringing more stars
          a chance for dreams to be cast.

Cigarettes on your breath,
your lips moist despite summer's heat,
they're not dry, cracked, or swollen.

Holding me close with your scent so distinct.

Your presence,
sending chills down over my body.
Just you, simple YOU.
That's all I need.

**YOU

In anticipation she grips his hand tighter
In anticipation he leans in toward her
The lights spin before their eyes
the cold air rushes past their faces
'Hold on' she thinks
'Let go' he thinks

Now she realizes she was temporary
a moment in time that had to be filled with passion, a short-lived love

She fell hard
pressing herself to the ground she landed on trying to fall farther
'might as well' she thinks 'I'm never getting up'

Tears, hot and uncontrollable, burn and moisten her cheeks
The sunlight blinds her
she squints into the sky
sees his eyes, his smile
hears his laugh, his voice

"It'll always be you" she whispers to the memory of him

The one she thought she couldn’t live without
she has forced from her being.
The pain he inflicted, the tears he created
were not worth the will to survive.

She kept breathing
she kept walking
she kept living

She let go of the memories.
She forgot the kisses and  promises.
She burned the bridge back to him.

What she thought was love
was nothing close to hate,
but more of a longing for acceptance.

She won’t deny she’ll miss the feeling of being wanted
but it’s nothing compared to the self-respect she’s gained.

It started as a wind
rustling grasses, stirring up dust,
it ended as a lightning strike
cracking the sky, igniting a fire.

Flowers bent by force, scorched by heat.
Trees black from flame, dead from being parched.
Skies dark from smoke, lit by flashes.

The world around, scarred

the girl in the middle, scared

A cross on the side of the road,
a head stone amongst other loved ones,
is all we have left of a boy.
It’s all we have left of you.

More than a cross on the side of the road or flowers on a grave
you’re the sun that wakes me every morning
you’re the smile on the face of a laughing child.

There isn’t a day that goes by that you aren’t with me.
There isn’t a moment that passes when you aren’t on my mind.

Taken from us before we were ready,
but maybe you were.

I’ve prayed
I’ve asked God why.
He never answers.
I’m left to find out on my own.

Thanks for making me smile
laugh
cry
love
believe

Thanks for the memories
Thanks for the lessons.

I can love you again,
my heart is open again.
The one problem is that you’re not around.
You’re not here to love.
You’re too far away to feel.

I look at the stars,
the same stars we watched together.
I count our time apart with dying stars.
As they fall across the dark sky
your face fades a little more in my mind.
Your laugh becomes a distant memory,
a memory, that one day, will be lost.

I dream of us meeting again,
a moment in time that I pray for.
Accidental or purposefully,
I will see you again.

I will love you again.
My heart is open again.
You will be around to love.
You will be close enough to feel.

She closed the door on the world.

Shutting out the cold wind, the pouring rain.

Closing her eyes
embracing the silence
warming her broken heart with emptiness

The silence fills the empty heart
clouded by unsaid words
bruised from being beaten,

The loneliness breaks the crying soul
cold from being untouched
dark from being hidden,




The shattering hope breaks the silence.

Is love supposed to be poetic?
Or is real love this painful,
burning sensation
in the pit of your stomach?

The heart is not involved.
It is left whole
beautiful.
No scars, no breaks.

But the butterflies,
their wings catch fire
like paper,
they fall
silently screaming, crying.

But the heart is never hurt.
Just the innocent butterflies
that make you smile
laugh
cry
fall in love

they die.