I want to know how you got your scars.

The physical,
the emotional.

I want to know when you cry.

So I can hold you,
so I can help you.

I want to know of your past lovers.

So I can love you better,
so I won't hurt you.

I wish him unhappy
each night I close my eyes
and dream him heartache.

I wish him lonliness
everytime I see his smile
I pray for him ten times the tears.

He would be unhappy
he would be lonely
if there was no her.

I've got a lot to think about
now that we've spoken
nearly three years have passed
since I called you friend.

I've been filled with doubt
ever since that fight awoken
feelings of long last
that have come to their end.

I don't need you in my life
as harsh as it may sound
our friendship was expendable
but for some reason you seek contact.

All the years caused such strife
words thrown like glass shatter on the ground
you weren't so dependable
memories and laughter I retract.

It's amazing how the little things
we shared
stay with me.

Our favorite show.
Our favorite band.
Our favorite restaurant.

It's strange how the little things
we shared
don't bother me.

Even though you broke my heart.
Even though I cried for three years.
Even though I you still haunt me.

It's different being without love
we shared
everyday.

But I'm moving past it.
And I'm finding I can love again.
And I want it to be with him.

When I saw a car like yours
my head didn't do a double take.
It was steady.

When our song came on the radio
my heart didn't skip a beat.
It was steady.

When someone mentioned your name
my body didn't shiver.
It was steady.

When I returned to the edge
my emotion didn't falter.
It was steady.

As I turned and walked away
your memory didn't knock me over.
It was steady.

So quiet,
but your eyes spoke volumes.
When they met mine from across the room
it all seemed so clear.

I had to get to know you.

So soft,
but your words are burned into my brain.
I needed to know all about you
so I asked more questions.

I had to get to know you.

So sad,
but I knew we would have to part.
I plan on seeing you again
even if you don't know it yet.

I had to get to know you.

So sorry,
but I can't let you just get away.
When your eyes met mine
it all seemed so clear.

I had to get to know you.

From across the room
I'm falling in love with you.
Your eyes, your smile, your hair, your voice.

From across the room
I noticed your demeanor.
Your hands, your back, your legs.

We've barely talked
We only have one week.
But,

from across the room
I noticed how much I could love
you, all of you.

For now
I'm over your eyes
your laugh.

For now
I don't feel the need
to call you.

For now
I can put the bottle
in the cupboard.

For now
you are a hundred miles away
from my mind.

But in the spring
you'll be back
close enough to touch.

And when you see
the bottle in my hand
do not ask me to dance.

We laid in my bed
as the snow fell all around
but I felt the chill.
You stroked my hair
as I kissed your lips
I felt you pull away.

I still see red
with feet firmly on the ground
you took away the thrill.
A vacant stare
my beating heart skips
if only to end the day.

Trying to clear my head
my ears pounds
trying to find the will.
All I did was care
as you vied for my hips
but you wouldn't stay.

My feeling left for dead
falling making no sound
river of emotions comes to a still.
Love is hard to bare
tears from my cheek drips
how could you leave me this way?

Distracted
is how I remember feeling when I
saw your eyes sparkle in the fading light,
too young, so naive,
remembering that summer is
accompanied by a rush of emotion,
complete with lust, regret, and it
taught me so much,
even to this day I find myself
d**istracted.

Lonelier every day
a strange tugging on the heart
this girl can't walk away.

Wishing he would stay
never would they be apart
lonelier every day.

Making your own way
leaving would be smart
this girl can't walk away.

Edges of the heart fray
where did it all start
lonelier every day.

Blue skies fade to grey
seas begin to part
this girl can't walk away.

Waves splash and spray
salt in the wounds smart.
Lonelier every day
this girl can't walk away.

Last Sunday
I was curled up in bed
dreaming of you next to me.
Sharing a pillow,
sharing a kiss.

This Sunday
I want you curled up
next to me.
Sharing the space between your fingers
sharing the same feelings.

Next Sunday
I'll be curled up alone
cold spaces next to me.
Sharing my shivers,
sharing my tears.

I
never thought I'd find someone like you
appealing
carefully avoiding this situation
creating a fantasy in my head
evaluating the consequences
sick of myself for the thought
someone else's husband
I** could never do that to a family
believing you're not that kind of man
leave it alone
entertaining the thought

This smile is so easy to paint
even when this mind is so faint

to curl up inside
to run and hide.

I need to leave
this tangled weave

of lies
of lies.

I run away in my sleep
only to wake and constantly weep

drowning in tears
confirming all fears.

Scared to lose
hurts to choose

to go
to go.

I had a dream
you were in it
I wasn't asleep
I was wide awake
it was a few years ago

Now I can't dream
you're not around
I only sleep
I don't like to wake
This is now

Falling in love with you
arrested my heart and
left a pain
lingering through my body,
infusing into my soul,
never ceasing to
grind my emotions.

I** had
never

loved anyone before
or think I ever will again.
Verified loneliness leaves me
expecting your return,

whether for love or friendship,
I will forever hold a place for you.
Threatened by no other man, my
heart is completely

yours.
Other boys may try to persuade but they
underestimate my feelings for you.

I wonder
is your chair still in the corner
do you still sit there every Saturday
with your pepsi and bag of chips

I wonder
is your life still fairly solitary
do you still walk after the sun sets
with your hands in your pockets

I wonder
is your favorite band still Snow Patrol
do you still turn up the bass for Postal Service
with your fingers tapping on the desk

I wonder
is your life still playing out the same
do you still dream of all you used to
with or without me by your side

I remember when
that song came on
we danced like fools
(well, we were).

I remember then
the summer gone
we broke all the rules
(we were sure).

I remember when
I got the phone call
I forgot how to cry
(you were gone).

I remember then
sitting against the wall
why did you have to die
(you became dawn)?

Just when I thought (frown),
'I'll never see you again',
I hear you are back in town.
In memories I finally drown,
can we go back to "then"?
Just when I thought (frown),
'you'll always bring me down'.
I don't know where you've been,
I hear you are back in town.

Young and in love, me the clown,
I always "remember when"
just when I thought (frown).
Nine years ago my world turned upside down,
six years since your blue eyes, your grin.
I hear you are back in town,
"my first love", you wear that crown.
Of all the emotions suppressed, I feel chagrin,
just when I thought (frown),
I hear you are back in town.

We acted like teenagers
never saying what we meant
hinting with smiles and compliments.
We acted liked fools
when we were near one another
never ceasing to smile or laugh.

We acted like teenagers
staying up late talking
over messenger or text.
We acted like fools
stealing glances across rooms
enjoying each other's company.

We should have acted like adults
expressing our feelings
telling the truth.
We should have acted our age
then you'd be here beside me
not playing house with her.

didn't you understand
the first two times
but you kept coming back
and i kept letting you
even though i couldn't love you
i didn't want to be alone

didn't i understand
the first two times
i let you crawl back
and you kept trying to stand up
even though you didn't love me
you didn't want to be alone

Why
when the snow begins to fall
do I feel your arms around me?
How
many more winters
before your memory becomes buried?
When
will the avalanches of pain
finally cease and fill in the cracks?

Why
do the blizzards of memories
come back to me in frigid storms?
How
do i come out of it alive
when every winter I nearly freeze?
When
will my heart thaw
and let the icicles fall?

When I look at you, I know,
if I was someone else
maybe we could fall in love.

When I hear your voice, I know,
if our paths crossed at the right moment
maybe you'd write lyrics just for me.

When I see you smile, I know,
if you could take the time to get to know me
your world would tilt and I'd be your sun.

I'd be the gravity that kept you grounded.
I'd be the reason for the light in your eyes,
the reason for your song,
for your laugh.

You'd call me,
"the reason you live".

Your whiskey eyes
drunk with lies
call to my gullible soul.

But to feel your touch
to want it so much
burns a hole in my heart.

When I smell your skin
I feel that I can win
over the love of a boy.

The lights flickered, went out
my world turned upside down.
Memories I've forgotten to forget about
form an ocean in which I drown.

Walls around me collapse
images of you wash over me.
I suffocate with this relapse
of a distant memory.

Words left unspoken
tears spilled into the tide.
Nothing left me more broken
rubbing raw a tender hide.

Never so easily replaced
never to be forgotten.
All the kisses I still taste
but feelings have gone rotten.

Are you so insecure
that you will let
any guy
who crawls into your bed
take a little piece of you?

Do you think so little of yourself
that you will let
any guy
who buys you a drink
follow you home?

Is your self-esteem so low
that you will let
any guy
tell you all his lies?

Are you so blind
that you can't see
how beautiful
you really are?

You
I see
imagine
us together
we could be happy
developing the love
like putting together a
sentence for a story, but I
know you can not reciprocate all
the feelings I wish you were able to.

When are you coming back?
I miss your smile.
I can't wait for you to unpack
I've been waiting quite a while.

I miss your smile.
There's something I need to say
I've been waiting quite a while.
If only I could find a way.

There's something I need to say,
I've heard about her,
If only I could find a way.
There's so much to infer.

I've heard about her.
All these feelings I conceal,
There's so much to infer
hoping they turn out to be real.

All these feelings I conceal
I can't wait for you to unpack
hoping they turn out to be real.
When are you coming back?

fading wintertime
blankets of white melt away
exposing cold earth

That night you took your smile
     and put it on my heart
Like a brand it burned
     away the hurtful words
     a hole so charred and black

With each new sun the feeling of your hand
     on the small of my back
     clasped around mine
fades a little more until
     the memory no longer
          makes me smile
     the memory only
          makes me cringe

at being so naive
     again

It's inconvenient
one needs a beating heart
when I have given mine to you.
Betrothed it has become
without your consent
to your cardiac system.
I sit here cold
'fore I have no blood
without my vascular *****.

Last night
your soul
occupied my dreams.
Last night
I saw
your face in my mind.
Last night
in my head
you told me you never loved me.
Last night
I awoke
in a fit of tears.
Last night
I cried
myself back to sleep

because everything
about last night
was true.

In the dark

I consider turning on the lamp
beside my bed
so I can write my words on paper
or read someone else's that are bound.

In the dark

I pull the covers under my chin
and close my eyes
pretending that sleep will greet me
or at least tease the edges of my conscience.

In the dark

creativity seems to come to life
but I push it aside
hoping I'll remember my thought come morn
when I won't have to roll over to turn on the light.

if i would've been the bigger person
spoken for myself
thought of just myself
been selfish
would you be here with me

if i would've thought about you
considered your feelings
asked your opinion
taken your advice
would i be here with you

When you smile
I forget you broke me
and I love you for a little while.

I've stored it in your memory file
things I love to see
when you smile.

To witness I'd walk a million mile
recalling what use to be
and I love you for a little while.

My heart seems to be in denial
I want another shot at us, at we
when you smile.

All the memories I can compile
seem to set emotions free
and I love you for a little while.

Although the ending was hostile
my heart and mind disagree
when you smile
and I love you for a little while.

If you knew I wasn't over you
would you feel pity
or think I was weak?
You moved on before the seasons changed
and this new light is a harsh reality
casting shadows on this vacant pillow.
My eyes bleed tears with every sunrise
because I know your heart has left
and I can't bait it back to mine.

The last rays of sun
linger like this dream of you
the heat barely lasts.

The dream is so vivid
so fresh in my mind
thoughts wander,
no where else,
but the memory of your eyes.
Pain in my chest becomes unbearable
because you're only a memory.

Over the airplane hor d'oeuvres
war of nerves
your blue eyes
no disguise

It could have lasted forever
words so clever
left on red lips
dreaming of hips

I will never know your name
play your game
the terminal
a lonely girl

The thought of seeing you
at such a joyous event
breaks my heart in two.

Will you be with someone new
celebrating under the same tent?
The thought of seeing you,

I don't know what I'll do,
knowing I'll never be content
breaks my heart in two.

I begin feeling blue
and I suddenly resent
the thought of seeing you.

Since you there have been few
all because the word you never sent
breaks my heart in two.

Someone should tell me to get a clue,
the love we had has came and went.
The thought of seeing you
breaks my heart in two.

now i'm wide awake
thinking of your face
knowing it was a mistake

there was so much for you to take
you stole it with such grace
now i'm wide awake

more than hearts at stake
feelings wrapped up in lace
knowing it was a mistake

wounds left in your wake
never leaving any trace
now i'm wide awake

delicate moves for you to make
heartbeats begin to race
knowing it was a mistake

holding on for my own sake
letting to go due to haste
now i'm wide awake
knowing it was a mistake