It is my secret, hidden this
fever that boils under my skin.
Burning sensations through our kiss.
It is a secret, hidden this
heartache for a man I can't miss.
In a battle I can not win.
It is my secret, hidden this
fever that boils under my skin.

The first time I saw your smile
all inhibitions were lost.

Calling time my own, it's been awhile.

The first time I saw your smile
I knew for you I'd walked a many mile.
I'd do anything, pay any cost.

The first time I saw your smile
all inhibitions were lost.

To my face
you were sweet
Behind my back
you were anything but

I put faith in your words

To my face
you paraded a smile
Behind my back
you displayed a smirk

I was coaxed by charm

To my face
your eyes were trusting
Behind my back
your lips betrayed

I returned your dally

To my face
you were a man
Behind my back
you were a boy

I wanted the gentleman

To my face
you can't hide
Behind my back
you will be alone

I am not
who you think I am.
The girl you met
late one night at the bar
who so easily let down her guard.

I am not
the girl you spent
the night holding so tenderly.
The girl you called
so pretty, so beautiful.

I am not
who you think I am.
The girl with no defenses
has rebuilt all her fences
with steel, iron, barbed wire, voltage.

I am not
so easily bought
with pretty words, gentle kisses.
The girl who I am
would never let you in.

I am not
who you think I am.
The girl you like so much
doesn't want your touch
or anyone else's.

I am not
who you think I am.
I am independent,
fine with being alone,
taking care of myself.

I use to love a boy.
He meant the world to me
and I to him.
I use to call a boy mine.
We would walk the streets at night
sharing all our secrets.
I use to kiss a boy.
He was so special to me
and I to him.

One day the boy decided he didn't love me anymore.
One night I cried into his arms as he told me we'd always be friends.
One summer we talked everyday as the sun set.
One night we got closer than we ever had been.

But he still didn't love me again.

I use to hope he'd come back to me.
We'd make ourselves a home
our kids would grow up there.
I use to dream of us growing old.
His hand in mine
as we slipped from this world.
I love a boy.
He means the world to me
but I not to him.