The heavy weight on my shoulders slows me down
The guilt in my stomach ties it in knots
There is no regret
just fear tugging at my heart.

Omission and lies
betrayal and dishonesty

I would apologize
but it would require an explanation
An explanation I can not share without hurt.

Loathing and hurt
tears and anxiety

Grateful for secrets and those who keep them.

In this night sky
     pregnant with little lights
          love has a chance to last.

Tonight's sky so vast
     bringing more stars
          a chance for dreams to be cast.

Cigarettes on your breath,
your lips moist despite summer's heat,
they're not dry, cracked, or swollen.

Holding me close with your scent so distinct.

Your presence,
sending chills down over my body.
Just you, simple YOU.
That's all I need.

**YOU

In anticipation she grips his hand tighter
In anticipation he leans in toward her
The lights spin before their eyes
the cold air rushes past their faces
'Hold on' she thinks
'Let go' he thinks

Now she realizes she was temporary
a moment in time that had to be filled with passion, a short-lived love

She fell hard
pressing herself to the ground she landed on trying to fall farther
'might as well' she thinks 'I'm never getting up'

Tears, hot and uncontrollable, burn and moisten her cheeks
The sunlight blinds her
she squints into the sky
sees his eyes, his smile
hears his laugh, his voice

"It'll always be you" she whispers to the memory of him

The one she thought she couldn’t live without
she has forced from her being.
The pain he inflicted, the tears he created
were not worth the will to survive.

She kept breathing
she kept walking
she kept living

She let go of the memories.
She forgot the kisses and  promises.
She burned the bridge back to him.

What she thought was love
was nothing close to hate,
but more of a longing for acceptance.

She won’t deny she’ll miss the feeling of being wanted
but it’s nothing compared to the self-respect she’s gained.

It started as a wind
rustling grasses, stirring up dust,
it ended as a lightning strike
cracking the sky, igniting a fire.

Flowers bent by force, scorched by heat.
Trees black from flame, dead from being parched.
Skies dark from smoke, lit by flashes.

The world around, scarred

the girl in the middle, scared

A cross on the side of the road,
a head stone amongst other loved ones,
is all we have left of a boy.
It’s all we have left of you.

More than a cross on the side of the road or flowers on a grave
you’re the sun that wakes me every morning
you’re the smile on the face of a laughing child.

There isn’t a day that goes by that you aren’t with me.
There isn’t a moment that passes when you aren’t on my mind.

Taken from us before we were ready,
but maybe you were.

I’ve prayed
I’ve asked God why.
He never answers.
I’m left to find out on my own.

Thanks for making me smile
laugh
cry
love
believe

Thanks for the memories
Thanks for the lessons.