Cassie

Cassie Sep 2020

I keep telling myself
Other people's problems are more important than my own

And here I sit at 25

Nothing (or at least it feels/looks to an outsider) accomplished, except maybe extend a couple lives a little longer

This seemed of greater importance than some cash in my bank account or pocket.

But I wish job applications would accept this experience, because otherwise the gaps in my years of work make me look like a failure.

Cassie Aug 2020

so that means yes, right?

Should I get a Brazilian **** lift?

Nope.

When I explained to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about the size of my ****, and he said he loved it and it was perfect the way it was, but if I wanted to change it I could do x,y and z,

Did that mean he didn't like my **** the way it was?

Nope.

But thats how I heard it.

I hate you brain.

Cassie Aug 2020

6 month slip up

I hope I don't die tonight
I just don't feel right
I've had half a pint and I'm feeling not right

I had a xanax too, but it was split through the night
All in an effort to feel alright

But here I sit in plight

Knowing tomorrow I'll regret what I let happen tonight

Even if I feel good enough to run a mile in 5 minutes tomorrow, I know what I did tonight isn't right

I'm sorry brain and body
I know what I'm doing to you isn't right

I've been doing really well not drinking and tapering off xanax the past 6 months. Was pretty disappointed in myself for slipping up and getting drunk, and doing it with my nightly xanax dose. In case anyone doesn't know, apparently you can die from mixing the two. Been under so much stress, I'm honestly surprised I didn't slip up sooner. This just further confirmed that I can't have a lot available to drink when I'm under extreme stress, because I end up drinking too much since I feel like if I drink enough, I can escape my anxiety for a night. Also, this was written drunk so, that's also clearly not true haha.

Cassie Jul 2020

Untitled

I've lived too many lives

Been too many different people

I just want to figure out what my life looks like, and live it

Figure out who I am, and be her

Cassie Jul 2020

dissociation

I haven't felt the ground beneath my feet
The wind tickle my skin
For more than a moment since I can't remember when

Unless I try, very, very hard

And all that trying takes a little of the magic away

I know the feeling/magic will come back again soon without having to try to hard though. It always does. I just get dissociation when I've been anxious/under constant stress for a while.

Cassie Jun 2020

Schrodinger's Syndrome

I think I’ll be alright

Maybe my cards will play out right

But it’s the fear that they won’t

That keeps me from enjoying the possibility that they won’t

Oh, anxiety

I hope you humor yourself because you sure as hell don’t humor me

A little confusing, but when I put "keeps me from enjoying the possibility that they won't", I mean the possibility that things won't turn out badly since I'm so used to thinking the worst is going to happen.

Cassie Mar 2020

Untitled

Sometimes I think my long (ish) lost love has come back
That maybe she realized we were good together
We could be by each other's sides forever

That maybe we both realized we didn't need men to be princesses or queens

But I feel hesitant

Because she is too much like me

Locking onto a person who forces her to become a better being

And what if we can't hold each other accountable for what we want to be held accountable to be?

I love her too much

I can't even risk the possibly