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Feb 2014 · 332
pull me down
Cassidy Vautier Feb 2014
that’ll **** you
you screamed at me

you’re killing me
i whispered
but you couldn’t hear me
as you lifted me from the floor

mediocre adolescence
told me
that to live
to exist in a meaningful way
is to burn your lungs
to break bottles
over your soul
to quiet a throbbing mind

i was refusing to look into your eyes
yet i was starring straight into them
were you scared of me?

you were the ocean
wondrous
a delightfully tempting invite to jump in

i was a storm
the kind of devastation you relish to watch
but dont dare to touch

we met
breathtaking, it may have been
but you were beautiful on your own
and i was nothing without you

you shook me
screaming my name

i couldn’t hear you
yet your words
resonated
even now still
ringing in my ears

dont let me go
dont let me go*

i swear
your eyes were the only thing
keeping me from being torn from the earth
Feb 2014 · 594
2:58 a.m.
Cassidy Vautier Feb 2014
months ago at this exact time
i found myself
pouring another cup of coffee
to continue a daydream of you
months ago at this exact time
i found myself
clinging to my phone
awaiting just a few words from you
with heavy eyes
and hopeful heart
months ago at this exact time
i found myself
discovering the dustiest corners
of your souls
one night at a time
months ago at this exact time
i found myself
daring to ask you how long
forever would be
with lit eyes
and hungry heart
months ago at this time
i never would have imagined
that months later at this exact time
you would be falling asleep
and i would be falling apart
because
our forever
wasnt what I wished for
months ago at this exact time
Cassidy Vautier Feb 2014
my biggest reach for myself
is to love the person i see in the mirror
and i cannot love every single person
in the pursuit of loving my own self
Cassidy Vautier Feb 2014
i see the distress marked across your face
the fade in your smile
the way you look to the floor
for comfort
when he walks by
seemingly not giving your presence
a second thought

but i see
just as you pass him
he steals a last glance of you
from the corner of his eyes
he wonders
are you doing well?
do you still think of him?
is the reason
you turn your head
because you don’t remember?
is your heart still filled with anger?

i see the conflict behind his eyes
i’ll bet
he lays awake at night
missing you

missing the way
you stole his little things
although returning them
before the day was done

missing the way
you waved your hands
mind wandering
lost,
in the recollections
with the stories you would tell
hoping he would smile

somedays
when you pass him
on your way to class
ear buds in
world closed out
he mourns to push the hair back from your face
to steal away the sadness in your eyes

but there are days
where he is content
without
your lips upon his own

there are days
when he is sure the decision he made was right
but
there is not a day when you don’t cross his mind

he has days full of regret,
but
he has days of certainty
in some way
you have a piece of his heart
a corner of his mind

so don’t
close your eyes
turn your head
try to make yourself so small
that you disappear

don’t loath
the way you laugh
or your crooked tooth
the loudness of your voice
when you try to make others smile

don’t let the thoughts
that scream to you at night
win
telling you
that you did something wrong
that you weren’t good
that if you had
worn your hair down that day
or sang in a better key
he would have stayed

don’t
don’t wish for him to come back

because you deserve someone
who is sure
of having a heart
that skips a beat when you appear


because
you deserve someone
who’s smile meets the rising sun
on sunday mornings
with a bubbling excitement
that hours from that point
they will see a radiant you

don’t stop loving yourself
because somebody else did

and don’t wait for someone
who will make you love yourself
either

love yourself
because one day
someone so wonderful
will grow
into your days
who has fingers
that entangle so perfectly with your own
and a presence
that wraps around your heart

because one day
somebody
will look at you
with the same fire in their eyes
as you do
when you watch a burning sky

one day
you will be a sunset
that sends kisses
that reduces
a fading purple sky
into stardust
Feb 2014 · 354
February Nights
Cassidy Vautier Feb 2014
you can feel the silence
the weight of the quietness in the room
the incurable ringing in your ears

you can feel the cold
seeping into all corners
of the room
of you
there is never a contenting lack of warmth
that can match the lukewarm feeling
of the blood wrongly pulsing through your veins
emitted from a self loathing heart
as the air settles it offers
the sensation of an uncountable amount needles
being evening sunken into your skin

the february night offers you no consolation
so you remain still
begging to hear
the whisper of the trees
as if they can find  some words
to leave you with an impression
that will make you to love yourself

there is a haunting truth
no one will
pick you up from the freezing floor
no one is creeping silently up the stairs
to tuck you into your bed
no one knows
that you suffer

you wonder
is their anyone in the world,
who maybe feels the same
mixed up emptiness
that you do?
who lusts to lay against you
to mend the heartbreak swelling in your chest
and
to soak the misery from your bones

you hope silently
in the bitterness of the night
that somebody does
the window was open
Feb 2014 · 1.7k
please stop forgetting me
Cassidy Vautier Feb 2014
[please] dont grab her hand
and flash that silly smile
when shes sad
[stop] being someone elses thoughts
late at night
when they drift off into there dreams
while i am
plagued by the thought of you
you’re [forgetting] the way you
wrapped your arms around me
and held my head against your heart
when i was drowning in my own sorrow,
breaking.
the thought
of losing my only love
was tearing me apart
you’re killing [me]
when you look at me
with a lost light in your eyes
that i used to give you
im so sorry
i couldn’t love you
the way you should have been loved
im so sorry,
my only love

— The End —