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Cassidy Vautier Feb 2014
she looked at you and smiled
i looked at you and smiled
you looked at her and smiled
Cassidy Vautier Feb 2014
i see people
they’re wearing those sneakers
i’m wearing those sneakers too
but i first saw them laced
upon my music saviors feet
in 1980 something
and not on the pretty girl's

her poetry is sad
i throw my head in the voice’s direction
i sigh
when the girl who mourns for consolation
claims ownership
they think she’s specials
beautiful broken
deep as the sea
i wonder if i seem just like her
i wish there was something special

i touched your back
as you cried
because i wished for your repair
you didn't feel it between all the other's
as they touched your back
filled with curiousness
searching for a cause of your woe

you declaimed your hate of the world
to me
i sat beside you
grasping your words
tossing them between the fingers of my thoughts
they sat beside you
anticipating their next turn to speak
and what that would lump consists of
feeling only a fraction of apprehension for your words
you thank them for listening
and not me

i wish the world turned on genuine intent
now it feels wrong and mixed up
to exist as i do
despite assumable unawareness
i understand them
i have no right to say this anyways

i’m scared because
i’m probably just like them
and maybe they’re just like me

everyone is different
are we though?
maybe we all have the same soul
just different comprehensions and articulation

i’m scared because
i’ll never know
i cant explain half the things i feel
nobody can explain half the things they feel

maybe i’m wrong about it all
we're all so small
it doesn't matter that we wear the same shoes
really rough, this doesn't begin to explain my inner conflict on it all
Cassidy Vautier Feb 2014
far away from the world
where you hold her hand
kiss her cheek
don’t give a second thought to me

is a land in rewind
where she becomes
a beautiful stranger

backwards in time we go
reversing the fade in your smile
when your eyes met mine
back, back, back
so we grew stronger
invisible cracks sealing
instead of breaking

and finally once again
i can feel your breath on my neck

a land where your eyes
don’t hesitate to meet mine

the only place
i find the relief  of your smile
this is the only space in the universe
where i connect the freckles on your face
and
grab your hand
when i feel the claws of nostalgia
tickling my mind

always
my eyes will meet the light of a morning gleam
and your touch
is such a distant memory

just a reminiscent kiss
that makes waking up
so much harder

but oh god
i pray you give me a sigh of regret
before you fall asleep at night
its been 5 months and i've dreamt about you nearly every night
Cassidy Vautier Feb 2014
that’ll **** you
you screamed at me

you’re killing me
i whispered
but you couldn’t hear me
as you lifted me from the floor

mediocre adolescence
told me
that to live
to exist in a meaningful way
is to burn your lungs
to break bottles
over your soul
to quiet a throbbing mind

i was refusing to look into your eyes
yet i was starring straight into them
were you scared of me?

you were the ocean
wondrous
a delightfully tempting invite to jump in

i was a storm
the kind of devastation you relish to watch
but dont dare to touch

we met
breathtaking, it may have been
but you were beautiful on your own
and i was nothing without you

you shook me
screaming my name

i couldn’t hear you
yet your words
resonated
even now still
ringing in my ears

dont let me go
dont let me go*

i swear
your eyes were the only thing
keeping me from being torn from the earth
Cassidy Vautier Feb 2014
months ago at this exact time
i found myself
pouring another cup of coffee
to continue a daydream of you
months ago at this exact time
i found myself
clinging to my phone
awaiting just a few words from you
with heavy eyes
and hopeful heart
months ago at this exact time
i found myself
discovering the dustiest corners
of your souls
one night at a time
months ago at this exact time
i found myself
daring to ask you how long
forever would be
with lit eyes
and hungry heart
months ago at this time
i never would have imagined
that months later at this exact time
you would be falling asleep
and i would be falling apart
because
our forever
wasnt what I wished for
months ago at this exact time
Cassidy Vautier Feb 2014
my biggest reach for myself
is to love the person i see in the mirror
and i cannot love every single person
in the pursuit of loving my own self
Cassidy Vautier Feb 2014
i see the distress marked across your face
the fade in your smile
the way you look to the floor
for comfort
when he walks by
seemingly not giving your presence
a second thought

but i see
just as you pass him
he steals a last glance of you
from the corner of his eyes
he wonders
are you doing well?
do you still think of him?
is the reason
you turn your head
because you don’t remember?
is your heart still filled with anger?

i see the conflict behind his eyes
i’ll bet
he lays awake at night
missing you

missing the way
you stole his little things
although returning them
before the day was done

missing the way
you waved your hands
mind wandering
lost,
in the recollections
with the stories you would tell
hoping he would smile

somedays
when you pass him
on your way to class
ear buds in
world closed out
he mourns to push the hair back from your face
to steal away the sadness in your eyes

but there are days
where he is content
without
your lips upon his own

there are days
when he is sure the decision he made was right
but
there is not a day when you don’t cross his mind

he has days full of regret,
but
he has days of certainty
in some way
you have a piece of his heart
a corner of his mind

so don’t
close your eyes
turn your head
try to make yourself so small
that you disappear

don’t loath
the way you laugh
or your crooked tooth
the loudness of your voice
when you try to make others smile

don’t let the thoughts
that scream to you at night
win
telling you
that you did something wrong
that you weren’t good
that if you had
worn your hair down that day
or sang in a better key
he would have stayed

don’t
don’t wish for him to come back

because you deserve someone
who is sure
of having a heart
that skips a beat when you appear


because
you deserve someone
who’s smile meets the rising sun
on sunday mornings
with a bubbling excitement
that hours from that point
they will see a radiant you

don’t stop loving yourself
because somebody else did

and don’t wait for someone
who will make you love yourself
either

love yourself
because one day
someone so wonderful
will grow
into your days
who has fingers
that entangle so perfectly with your own
and a presence
that wraps around your heart

because one day
somebody
will look at you
with the same fire in their eyes
as you do
when you watch a burning sky

one day
you will be a sunset
that sends kisses
that reduces
a fading purple sky
into stardust
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