Needles dipped in India ink. We're used to the way it stings as it presses under our skin. We read Frankenstein three times that summer... funny how everything makes sense directly after it becomes irrelevant... like the line we liked to quote but weren't sure why, "Nothing is more painful to the human mind than after the feelings have been worked up by a quick succession of events, the dead calmness of inaction in certainty which follows & deprives the soul both of hope and fear." Or the way we swore it was too good to be true.

Here I am, lover lost before falling
Lust taking over.
Left with nothing but
imagination of hopes, dreams.
Of falling softly and slowly.

I'm walking away from you.
Walking away.
Because I believe you are no good.
But hell, how would I know?
I'm just afraid of you not feeling anything.
So I'm walking away, silently,
unexplained.
But Baby, I wish i can have you around.
Keep you in my palms, play around,
then let you go when I want.
Always twinkle your interest,
without losing my sense of self,
My own strength.
But human are not to be controlled…
**** i wish there was a way.
You seem so perfect with your body around me.
You, me where we fit.
And I love your little ways,
and your warm face, and your kind of beard…
AND...
I love that you are a silent rock,
only sometimes unravels
but even then, not really.
& I love your little ways.
Your quick, non-lasting smiles.
Your stubborn heart.
Your stubborn hands, arms, body…
Your stubborn words.
Your shy words.
Your quick ways,
your changing moods.
Your silent mysteries,
your loud and goofy mysteries… I love it all.
I love it all.
I love it all.
But I must leave you to my mind.
A book,
a poem,
a song.
I must leave you for
other women to enjoy.
I hate the thought.
I hate the thought.
I fear it all.

"You are such a ******* child."

Nice try, my dear, but you can do better.
See, darling, those words mean nothing.
I am a child. If you asked, I'd tell you.

Can't you do better than that?

Don't you want to crawl under my skin,
set up camp in my head, tent stakes pounded into my brain,
keep me awake at night with a gnaw in my gut?

Try this, instead, love --

"You are a manipulative attention ***** who skips around wielding her emotions like an assault rifle without giving a thought to how that affects anyone around you. You've never had to work for anything, never once in your life, and the minute you do have to try at anything, you will fail. You'll spend the rest of your life looking for someone to take care of you, but you'll never actually let them and you will be alone."*

Isn't that better?