I don't know.
I'm just so confusing.

One day,
I'll want nothing but your
large hands
tracing lines
on my cold body.

Then, I'll want to rip my skin off
because of your ***** fingers
being etched into
my skin.
Symbolically, of course.

And I'll want to do is sit and mope
and be depressed.
I'll want to completely ignore you.
I'll turn off my phone,
maybe keep it on, to show you I'm in no mood.

But on the other hand,
I love when you come after me.
Grab my arms and look at me.
But really look at me, right in the eyes.
"I love you."

Maybe this is why
I can't help but be alone.
Because I don't want to put you through all of this.
All of me.
I'm sorry if you can't see it now.

But you will.
Of course you will.

Reach out and touch my cheek.
Don't be offended when I turn away.

Take me out to the dark beach for a walk.
I'm not sorry I don't reschedule for another day.

Wrap your arms around me.
Try not to cough as I fall to ashes.

Yell at me and get angry.
Apologize when I bat my sorry lashes.

If you call me beautiful, I'll tell you you're lucky.
I know you won't find someone like me.

And that's what I'm aiming for.
You can tell I'm not right. All I feel is misanthropy.

Broken hearts, broken by me.
But I've been broken too.

It's painful, depressing, you feel ripped to shreds.
So don't act like I can't feel you.

I know the darkest roads that can be travelled in my mind.
They're all paved with memories of your face.

So don't be hurt when I let you suffocate on yourself.
I want to watch you disappear without a trace.

I'm not the bad person, you know.
I'm simply confused and lost.

Is this what you accomplished?
A sense of power. But at what cost?