A vacant room of dark spaces,
where furniture once lay
An empty lot of trash and cracked concrete
Where weeds take root with hopes of becoming trees
And cobwebs span for miles
Worn wind chimes still glisten in sun
Papers of bad handwriting fly with the wind
This place left unoccupied for so much time
Small lives make home in the walls,
While this home settles further beneath dirt
This place reminds me of our forgetfulness, our need to not rebuild
As a place turns old we leave it behind,
never to fix again,
never to feel loved again
Weeping floorboards
Walls crying tears of yellow paint
Roof caving in feeling hollow
Abandoned places
Forgotten
Always forgotten

It can be slow and gentle
Let your waves crash in perfect harmony
Each ****** a breeze in the ecosystem of you
Simple moaning of melodic pleasure

Or

It can be fast and rough
Hurricanes and waterfalls
Each ****** a windstorm in the ecosystem of you
Screaming, still melodic

I can do this often or seldom
This ecosystem can have many visitors or none
*** is mine to have
Whenever I please

You label me
But sweetie,
I'm too wet for your labels to stick

I've asked myself to start looking at things not easily seen
Like the pieces of you, you smother between sheets subconsciously
For example, your compassion
I gulp down my empathy in hot tea so the person sitting across from me
Never knows how I really feel
Society said most importantly do not feed the animals
Each slimy creature comes with claws and fangs and each slight difference you posses is a dangle of fresh meat destined to be torn at the seams
So you spill
Each pill you take makes you fall deeper inside the well
Tell each of your wishes, fare well because with each passing hour another hole is dug
Another life swept under the rug, with a pull and a tug
You fit
Into every gender role, stereotype and statistic
It's like our life is a mission of self hatred and wrong decisions
So we can slip in to more fitted opinions
Like we're living in the terms and conditions made up of fine print and "read between the lines"
Because the lies were fed taste like a sugar and dread
But we turn our perfectly make-upped cheeks because it's served with a smile
All the while we live to die, it comes slowly, but I break down and cry at the thought of me not living compassionately
The thought of me not loving unconditionally
The thought of me not being happy being whatever the **** I want to be
So now I'm uncovering the pieces of me I previously smothered between sheets
And I encourage you to do the same

Her calming, gentle auroral light can turn to a blazing inferno of everything red and hot in a matter of seconds
You blame her womanhood for all her anger and anguish
While your manhood ironically suffers an inferiority complex
Which you reveal through your anger and depreciation of all life
Her womanhood is what held you
Cradled you, and fed you
Her womanhood whole-heartedly accepted you even when she knew you could become so cruel
So you blame her womanhood for all her anger and anguish
When it was your manhood who told her, her place is on the ground while you flew through the sky

paper airplanes cut through thick air
under a wide blue sky
filling the eye with the beauty of flying
vast space controlled by nothing
where you can be above it all,
planted firmly, or in the middle of it
watching the strom from above it's roots
ripping holes in clouds as I soar
learning to just breathe no matter the height
this is where you close your eyes,
empty your mind, breathe steadily,
and be
the challenge is finding this serenity
on the ground

said it's easier to be told who you are
darling, if only you could see yourself through my eyes
all you have to work with is a mirror
but keep in mind,
inside carries on, while outside decays
life can't replicate, so go find yourself

dance in the rain
sit outside all night till the sun shines again
leave your compact, for it holds no answers
sit still, eyes closed
remember every lie you told
stamp checkmark on your past,
no need to look again
just go find yourself
take nothing that ties you down
Just allow yourself to be found

sheer curtains allow for street lamp glows
passing through, illuminate the walls
playing with shadows, silhouette of life not there
silence of all things, but thoughts screaming
comfort in being alone, spending time with myself
serenity, surrounded by dark
like I can glow when the light is all gone
when street lamps dim and shadows die
I can be alone
loving myself, as if I am the only thing I'll ever need
it matters, finding comfort in being alone
room of closed door and windows
walls of lilac, cold hard floor
where the walls tell me secrets
and lilac smiles through its cracks
cold hard floor chuckles as it chills the air
bliss if I have ever known it
surrounded by nothing but feeling everything
as I play with the shadows
stare at the silhouettes of life not there
I feel the comfort of being alone

We can travel to the badlands  
Sleep on the barren earth
Hold hands
Watch the sunset fall over this place of nothing
Deep grey boulders and oversized hearts beating
This flat, cracked floor
This place of earth unfed
Badlands give life to nothing
The sun like a lamp focused on our skin
Slowly begin to look like this cracked floor
We feel so unfed
These badlands give life to nothing
Still, they take life from everything

I think I'll just keep the memories already made
you chose to follow the sun, where only light fuels your life
while I follow the moon, where I can chase the dark
where fear walks next to me instead of inside me
you said sadness and anger are too painful to feel
I say if that's how I feel then I will embrace it
I cry in the shower, throw things across the room
scream until my voice runs away
and yes, I wallow in a pool of my own tears
but know, I smile until my cheeks beg for rest
I laugh until my stomach hurts and my eyes water
dance everywhere, unburdened by confused stares
I'm sorry some thing are too painful for you
but that's why I follow the moon
he watches me cry it all away,
then he reminds me to smile

Please stop saying "All Lives Matter" in response to someone saying "Black Lives Matter". It's time to open your eyes. Ignorance isn't bliss.

We live in the badlands
This world is a bad land
We killed it
drew lines all over it
And sold it

We live in the badlands
This world is a bad land
We stole them
Tried to draw chains on their souls
And sold them

People rose up from the badlands
Took its name as their own
They run around
Killing people
Drawing lines thru their names
And burying them

deep pink creature of sense, tingling
craterous chasms vibrant in themselves
keep them cool, soft heat may be applied
mistaken for volcanoes rupturing
birthed yummy, tasteful goodness
what happens when you give fire away
your candy shop mouth breathed fire
I only knew of the sweet it contained
new sides of you surfaced every day
make me play hide and seek with your smile
but we never played in the dark,
where it's easy to see
finding it, only to receive a burnt tongue
filled mouth of forest fire
flame throwing lips, teeth of everlasting coal
my tongue caught fire, burned away taste
now I speak, to burn holes in your chest
words that warrant ice packs when thrown your way
don't get to close to this burnt tongue
for it lost it's beauty,
when it became a volcano of rupturing words

Hair of black, fingers like wax
soft, slimy on skin
sticks of candy, sugar sweet touches
landmine bones, cracking when worn
sliding over cracks in your smile
fill them with wax, drops of gold
now shimmering smile, you have
given by fingers of wax
complain of the smell
honeysuckle scents so invasive
spreading like disease in slow motion
fill you up entirely, with my fingers of wax
slime covered cape, take you places
go ahead, you know wax doesn't bite
(in a way you would know)
wax, given you a real smile
my landmine bones, too worn
your wax smile, too much like mine
now I give you, fingers of wax
go slide over the cracks in another's smile
tell her to complain of the smell
then giver her fingers, fingers of wax

I won't stay a minute past when I am welcome
The tea can sit cold, while the fire dims slowly
Shadows of angry hands eat the walls alive
And stomps make drums of the floor
Windows pull and stretch as light leaves the room
And the door tenses with a cold touch
Wood creaks, but knows when to silence

I won't stay a minute past when I am welcome
Now you sit, with cold tea and dead fire
No shadows or stomps
Light remains steady, door relaxed
And the wood creaks, as I leave

Tiny crescent moon
Strings of silver light fall upon each crack in concrete
Dew drops caress the greenery
Reflecting shadows on pavement
While capturing moon light
Every chirp of a morning cricket lost in the night
Like the sap filled tree covered in chemical love
Destined to be suffocated by a promise
Growing tall and old in woods of the past
Seemingly untouched
Yet ran through the filters of this society
Broken and damaged
Just as the morning cricket and the sap filled tree
Tiny crescent moon
Seemingly untouched

To the man who shouted his ignorance at my aunt and uncle in the parking lot.

Sir, you see, you must be mistaken
Your slur was not comedic,
yet you laughed
I want you to know your words have weight
Spreading hate seems to be in style
While I exercise compassion for you
Yes, I know you're wrong  
I've struggled with this for so long
You know, I'm sad you're missing out on life
Happiness in short supply
Love on the back burner as hope continues to die
You see, I can't help but feel pain
Your kids in the back seat watching your hate being displayed
Like a bad movie
Terrible quality, script repulsive
You chuckle
"One ******, two ******, three ******, four"
Out your drivers side window
I clutch firmly on the door
Hoping, I heard you wrong
If I could tell you one thing it would be this,
Life is to short to have hate in your heart
Part of me feels so dark
Anger welling up inside
I cried the whole car ride home
Unable to fathom how they must be feeling
Dealing with a world rooting against them
I never knew people could be like this
Our skin doesn't define us
Not its color, texture, or shade
You sir, may think you have it all figure out
But I can promise you this,
The day you stop being hateful of our differences,
you'll realize life is so much more than one color,
It's the incredibly indescribable combination of them all

how can we be one complete person but different depending on the situation?
well middle school told me i cant, but not directly
they gave me a word
fake
please, tell me who i am
please, tell me when I'm not being me
please
"A man has as many social selves as there are individuals who recognize him"
William James
last time i checked everyone in this room recognizes me, so recognize
all the social selves I have to offer
the first time someone called me fake
7th grade, a girl told me i was fake
because I had cornrows in my hair
"you're white" she said
"white girls can't wear their hair like that, stop being fake"
but my aunt is black and told me my hair is pretty like that
and I loved my cornrows, and I didn't know cornrows were black
I knew cornrows were hair, hair a part of me
a part I loved
it never crossed my mind that I was stealing from
black men and women with my white scalp, with my white hair
her black hands gentle on my head as she braided
"braided to the scalp" she said
you tell me my cornrows make me fake but they were the realest thing about me
I didn't have to wash my hair for a whole week, I stared into the mirror
admiring the beauty on my head
the hair style I am thankful for because it showed me what pretty looked like
it showed me melting ***
it showed me black hands, white scalp, work together
it showed me black hand, white hand, work together
it showed me human
and you tell me that's fake
what about human is fake?
my cornrows weren't fake, they were as real as the breath in your lungs
as real as the blood in your veins
as real as the white hands of my grandma
perfectly sculpting the hair on the black scalp of my aunt
"you're fake", shouldn't be for me, because nothing about me
is fake
especially my cornrows

So skillful with strings of silk
Give the world an illusion of life
Seeming to move like me
Seeming to look like me
Mr. Puppeteer
Elegant in his wrists
Passion dripping from his finger tips
All knowing of expectations
The show of a lifetime
Only let's you see it once
Mr. Puppeteer
I saw your silk covered chains
Shouldn't have painted my eyes with such life
I touched your elegant wrists
Shouldn't have made them so cold
I tasted the passion from your fingertips
Tastily sour, unsettling
Illusion of life only works if controlled
Funny, your smile was painted on too
Mr. Puppeteer
I see the holes in your limbs
See the dangle of your legs
Why are your eyes wiped away
You couldn't get away either

short and thin
thick feathers dancing in the wind
sitting on the gate
statue face
how hard I try making my eyes as wide as your own
deep black sky, eating away time
soon to fly again
for now each of my limbs lay stiff
widening my shoulders for you
land here, if you'd like
sitting on the gate
fixated stare
how hard I try making my stare pierce as yours does
taunt me
tantalizing, your allure so magnificent
I'll be the field mouse, if you'd like
sitting on the gate
time to fly away
see you tomorrow, same time

it had an attitude, so very backwards
on rainy days, it was friendly
spared the splinters
on sunny days, it was angry
gave me splinters like acupuncture
minus the goal to alleviate pain
it liked to yell as I swung back and forth
screached as I pumped my feet
pumping my feet to my heartbeat
I held my breath for fear of becoming off beat
it liked to cry, especially in the morning
I gallop through the misty grass
it's tears glisten with morning sun
my favorite air is the wet kind
when a slight chill tickles your nose as you inhale
but it was also my least favorite air
it made my swing set cry
I asked mom if I could take it inside
she said it liked being outside
but she'd never seen it's tears
it had an attitude, so full of life
now, that backyard has no life
because my swing set died

treat me like an animal
don't act like an animal
time turns mind to mush
implanted impressions
like footprints on a muddy mess of a mind
stamp the mark of madness on the base of my skull
enter a room, wear it like a flower in my hair
spring kissed my neck
the nectar of my skin burnt away
summer sun stole my fingerprints
guess I'm done being, me
fall covered me with leaves, sent a chill to my spine
all I do is shake, tremble, fall
winter froze my eyelids
no more shutting them to hid away
treat me like an animal
time to act like one
step where you like
I'll wear your footprints like a necklace
draped over my heart
mark of madness, now mark of me
scowl, growl, bark, howl
my voice like shards of glass
pierce your ears until...
mind of yours turned to mush
you treated me like an animal
now you hate that I act like one

Small tank, stale water
I keep hitting the glass
Wondering if it will someday stretch and break  
Still wondering if this glass will someday stretch and break
I can't leave, can't breathe outside this glass
Glass box here to keep me safe, alive
Made this way
Think outside the box you're put in
Guarantee you'll stop breathing out there
I was comfortable in this tank
Finding myself smile at the ease of not questioning this glass
The ease of staying in this box

Maybe I'll stay here
No more running into glass
Just keep smiling

We suffer, from the forgetfulness of fish

The worst kind of man, is a man with a deflated ego
Now it is easy to **** the rich, thick, pompous air from their egos
Because it's all too fragile
These egos were made fragile because they stood on bones of so many others they didn't need to be strong
Everyone else holding them up allowing them to caress the clouds while
We crumble from the weight of their world
You see I don't hate men I simply despise their brains
Those matter filled masses inhabiting their skulls
Taking up space but not filling the space with something worthwhile
The worst kind of man, is a man who has learned the word "sorry"
Sorry meet sarcasm, sticky fingers, and silence
Stripping the comfort from the word and giving it a smirk
Smacking me in the face with a word I was taught to use when I was wrong
When I wanted to give comfort to a friend
When I wanted to cry away the pain and leave a hole to fill with a smile
But you gave me a smirk and an empty word
The worst kind of man, is a man who has those kind of eyes
The ones that tell you what you want to hear while his mouth breaths fire down your neck
And burns your flesh until you scream
Until your skin bubbles over creating a mold around yourself
Made of yourself but tainted with his sting
The kind of eyes that don't seem like eyes they seem like caves
So empty, and what are you do to, fill them of course
And that's why you ignore the burning
Ignore the mold, ignore the smell of you sizzling away as smoke
Filling his lungs as he breaths you in only to release you as waste, unwanted air
You thought he needed you to survive but his lungs are doing just fine
While you, trapped, left to wash away the layers of you two as one
He's gone but you still feel the burn of the worst kind of man

we slip away, in a sleep of rhythmic breaths
darkness consuming the room
but one corner basking in light
tall glass, deep purple wax
so long being burned, a ring of black surrounds
top of the glass, black, but not masking smell
flickering in and out, in tune with the flame
as the candle burns we sleep
as the candle burns dreams soar
fragrance so fine
flirting with my lungs, playing hard to get
even as it burns low, light still as strong
smell still as rich, as the candle burns

found so much life, in inanimate objects
how I define imagination
give me play kitchen
plastic food, small empty boxes
label pretzels, popcorn, cake mix, candy
stickers for buttons, my mouth makes the sounds
imagination heat cooked my hotdogs
while imagination water moistened my sink
every shelf and cabinet filled to the top
no one starves with imagination food
5 course meals, cook in five minutes
each dial turns with a click
turn right for high, left for low
"DON'T BURN THE EGGS, HEATHER!!"
no time to buy more, the store, is closed
In my kitchen we reuse, everything
when you finish those eggs,
put them back in the fridge
when box of popcorn is gone,
back to the cabinet it goes
they said "perpetuating gender stereotypes"
well my play kitchen,
never said "you must cook for a man"
as I served my dinosaurs and dolls,
I remembered cooking is for all
smile at you while my brother cooks beside me
my play kitchen held so much life
actually, it still does

how you caress the flames
burning fingers as you smile
as the tip burns blue
spark of an eye, it sees you
likes the way you hold it
light so enchanting, warmth so surrounding
an all-encompassing pleasure
heart mimicking flame
when skin boils, bones melt
beautiful suffering
as the tip burns blue
eyes gone wild, feet planted firmly
fire, tells tales of running
legs, forgetting it could
every breath, breathing life back into the flame
every heartbeat, earthquake inside
when you caress the flames and your fingers burn
think of release, but stay enchanted

You are a sunken ship
Kept buried at the bottom of the ocean
Out of sight, out of mind
Keep in mind, many things find life
In a sunken ship
Surely they knew the mold was too restricting
Condescending tone
Plot thickening
As we introduce so many versions of you into the world
It's difficult to twirl down here but when I stand still it doesn't feel like I'm in water at all
Moment of being surround by everything but feeling nothing
You're a wonder, you know
Like a sunken ship
Forgotten but astounded when they find you again
It's hard to breathe, so far under
But I stay here still
You are a sunken ship
Lay there, as time passes
People come and go
Marvel and pass
You know, you're the worlds greatest wonder

never have I ever...

been in love...

so many people have I loved
my short 19 years proven fruitful
yet, it'd be a shame to ascertain
that I have actually, factually
certainly and definitely
been, in love  
I have loved whole heartedly
But in love, no, sorry
people ask if I have been
answer "nope" with a smile
squinted eyes, furrowed brows
figure I'm lying,
everyone has been in love with someone...
guess I'm the exception to the rule
the odd one in the bunch
I'll let you in, on a little secret
falling in love shouldn't be rushed
wanting a fairytale, wanting it now
I guess I missed the tutorial on how
I didn't look at Disney movies that way
maybe that part skipped over my brain
regardless of how you thought it worked

never have I ever...

been in love...

hold him in your palm
jump into the middle of the ocean and bury him at the bottom
tell him to let the water surround him
let the water engulf him, inside and out
when that doesn't work, sing to him
soft melodies, calm and quiet
tell him to let the sound of your voice take him away
let your voice engulf him, inside and out
when that doesn't work, place your lips on his forehead
kiss away the worry that wilts his mind
tell him to let your kiss release the poison
let your kiss engulf him, inside and out
when that doesn't work, take him to the field
lay him in the grass
tell him to take root, on his own
let him stand, on his own
he doesn't belong in your palm
you gave him enough

you can't revive a wilting flower
but you can breath the hope of revival
it's up to him, to be engulfed by it

I want to write with hieroglyphics on the walls
image of time, unravel, unwind
rewind to a blank canvas of life
dripping ink on mind
sketching memories
pressing pen until it bleeds through cracks
filling mind with black
wait for sun to come
drying up ink, as it leaves a faint stain
we write with hieroglyphics on the walls
image of pain, deep blue, untamed  
refrain from all consuming
making you feel heavy
bite your flesh to find sour
blood turned thin, starting to run
coursing through you
desperate to wear veins thin
fill you up with pain, I dare your heart to beat again
given the right tools we can cut through anything
including the whole of you
write with hieroglyphics on walls
let the hurt run through your veins
pour out of your fingertips
unleash a waterfall onto the walls
let it lay there
let it fade into nothingness
once you're empty
I guarantee you'll be most fulfilled

You, the satellite filling the sky
Looking down on me as you often do
Tell me what do you see,
As you circle my world
Do your metallic limbs stiffen when you see my smile
Or do they remain lifeless, the ones I'm all too familiar with
Envy turns my teeth chattering and my eyes swollen
You, getting to hold the stars
As I get to cry beneath them
You soak up the suns warmth, less delayed
You, actual freedom
You, shiny even in the day
I don't envy you
I envy your strength to get away
I guess I'm too attached
Too many feelings demanding to be felt
Do you feel sad way up there?

We spit the words "this world is messed up"
But we can't swallow their reality
White privilege

Their bellies are full of reality and they starve
We nod our heads and pretend we know how it feels to starve
White privilege

Everyone else says it exists
But we "just cant see it"
White privelege

this room is burning
eyes set ablaze with fever running
disrupted passion flooding
ease of comfort not coming

angered bones shake
paper walls quake
once soothing words turned fake
as I beg for this to be a dream, I ache

how quickly this turned
paper walls of our love burned
said this isn't given, it's earned
maybe it's time you learned

this room is burning
eyes set ablaze with fever running
disrupted passion flooding
ease of comfort not coming

I didn't know touching a tree could actually make me feel connected
each blade of grass different, every noise, leaf, stick, and stone
the feeling of looking over the edge and knowing you could fall
and what if you did, what if the end was in a place where you found a beginning
people have died here, people have fallen here but I'm not afraid
if I were to fall and be no more, leave me there
let me melt like raindrops into the soil
let me provide for a planet I've only known how to take from
let each strand of hair whisper to the ants
let my once beating chest, beat life back into the earth
let my once soft cheeks turn coarse
let my teeth become chew toys
and my eyes glossy turn to gravel
I didn't know I could taste the clouds
wispy, whirlpools of stale rivers and oceans
air, air is different there
it doesn't feel the same in my lungs
my body reacts different, smooth
every step I take shakes the earth
like the earth is my drum, my legs drumsticks
playing a song of life reminding me
touching a tree can actually make me feel connected
I think I'm in love with the simplicity
the lack of man made messes
messing with mother nature
marching to her drum but forgetting it's hers you're marching to
a place filled with things it has always been filled with
changing on it's own, without our help
enjoying it
the idea of falling, I flirt with it
one hard fall can lead to a soft bed of life, after becoming lifeless
but my feet will stay on the ground, my feet will keep caressing the grass
and I will continue going there, to the gorge
where life remains lived and falling remains mystery

I smile for the day,
When any two people walk down the street and everyone smiles
For they have found love, a rare occurrence
I smile for the day,
When race is nothing more than a crayon in the colouring box of life
And we learn to appreciate people, not pigment
I smile for the day,
When no person fears whether or not they will have food to eat,
clothes to wear, or a bed to sleep in
I smile for the day,
When money stops ruling our minds,
And we sit down and give thought to what happiness truly is
I smile for the day,
When people start living for themselves,
And not to please others
I smile for the day,
When we forget to pass judgement on everyone we see,
For it serves no purpose
I smile for the day,
When we all become truly proud of ourselves
Not what we look like,
How much money we have,
Or our social standing,
But truly proud of who we are

You underestimate the power of your words
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"
Oh no, they run deep
when did compassion fly out the window and hatred step thru
Iv'e been through this many times in my head
"It doesn't matter what they said, it isn't true let it go"
but they know that what they say hurts, after all that is why they said it
Your words hit me like a train, full speed ahead on the humiliation express
we've learned to suppress what you say, hide it deep in the back of our minds
minding our own business, while you pick and scrape at the flesh that holds us together
because it isn't perfect
open your eyes, clear your mind, look in a mirror if you must
but yours isn't either
I'm in an empty room
It's all white, no windows or doors, the floor is cracked
Your words, crawl out of the cracks like slithering serpents
They sound like sirens screaming
I run
When they catch up I open my mouth to scream
But nothing comes out they slide their way into my mouth down my throat
And land in my stomach like a brick
They tear through my flesh to find a way out
They did their damage, it's time to move on to the next victim
They slither away, leaving me alone with a hole in the centre of me
Feeling vulnerable, empty
They took away everything I had inside all the things I was using
All the things I was saving for a rainy day
Now everyday is rainy
I still see the teeth of your words in every raindrop
And they say
"Sticks and stones may break my bones. But words will surely **** me"

we made dandelions cry
until their tears painted golden suns in our skies
we made butterflies fly
until their wings made a breeze cold enough
gave us a reason to cuddle
we made rain clouds run away
until there were no more left to threaten our perfect day

we stole the world
you said you needed a canvas,
so I gave you a planet
ran around with our backpacks filled,
with paper smiles attached to strings
when we came across a frowning face,
all we had to do was hold our strung smiles
cover their frown, didn't want to taint our eyes with sadness
if ever your eyes seemed to dim,
I would ****** a star from the sky,
kiss it softly and sprinkle it like glitter
all over your body, let me cover you with shine

we counted blades of grass
until our minds intertwined like vines
we counted sidewalk cracks
until we traveled so far our feet started to resemble them
we counted each freckle, blemish, and scar
until all we saw was perfectly imperfect beauty

****, a woman who has many casual *** partners
where do i begin, shouting, shaming, throwing a word at a woman
who uses her body in a way you deem, "wrong"
well let me tell you about a woman's body
a woman's body is hers, no ones but her own
her body is a vessel, a shell, a beating drum of life and choice
and what she choses to do, doesn't pertain to you
every part a different branch, teeming with life unseen
seeing beauty in each and every piece of her
casually isn't catastrophe
casually isn't calamity
casually isn't carelessness
casually is taking control of your body or completely giving it up, giving it to someone
even if only momentarily, even if only once
even if love never crossed your mind
some people like to say your "number"
follows you around like a burden, but your number
shouldn't follow you around at all
it isn't a number at all
it's a piece of time, piece of paper, piece of you
bundled up inside never meaning to hurt you
you never thought your own body would be used against you
where you put some of your most intimate parts
isn't to entertain the minds of people who don't know casually
isn't to give them a definition to put to their word
isn't to give them anything, because it isn't their's to take
it's yours to give
i think love has levels
you can't equate love and every ****** act committed
commitment doesn't come with every encounter
it's counter productive to shame an act because you wouldn't do it yourself
I'm not asking for acceptance of "*****"
I'm asking you to accept your unacceptable ignorance
and learn, learn about a woman's body
learn about her branches
learn about each and every piece
then, and only then, can you tell if her "number" truly matters

sometimes all there is, is dark
the sky, the room, the eyes
sometimes all there is, is pain
the heart, the mind, the body
guilty of being human
humming because you forgot the words
the words, humiliating
guilty of trusting first
you don't have to earn mine
I earned stripes on my back
stripes, from being burned
guilty of loving hard
not knowing you but loving you anyway
any way you could hurt me, you did
did you know, my heart isn't glass
my heart is steel in a pretty pink case
steel can get cold easily
so I love unconditionally
love undoubtedly
love without sorry
guilty of over analyzing glances
gouging out my eyes
putting them in my palms
passing them off as marbles
little glassy ***** with a sprinkle of color
rolling my eyes over to you
you tell me what a glance means
because now you have my eyes, both of them
in your palms to roll back to me
I gave you my glance, now give me yours
guilty of giving away time
you want some of my time
here you go, like a free pen
you use it when you need it
the rest of the time its lost and useless
it took me so long to realize
time doesn't come back
every second lost when a new one is gained
again and again
second lost second gained until
no more seconds gained
guilty of being me
this is who I am
I am human
I trust first
I love hard
and over analyze glances
I give away time
and sometimes all there is, is dark
sometimes all there is, is pain

You thought my heart rendered useless,
when you put it on my sleeve
locked your sights on my bulls eye heart
head start before the wolves join the party
puzzled is my face, as you stand straight across
so obsessed with winning
mind telling you to finish me off
as the last dart flew you saw the drum in my eye
my eyelashes batted causing ripples
your dart, it struck me, in my center
there is no gasp
you fear not winning
but baby I told you what I'm made of
I'm made of steel, my heart steel
assumed I'm cold, oh no
I'm the sun, ball of fire
and so I melt easily
I'm ice cream in the summertime,
consume me quick
can you handle my sugar on your tongue?
can you digest my love?
see, sometimes I'm not ice cream
sometimes I'm the bitter dirt under your fingernails
wash me away, clean your self of me
can you handle my bitterness on your tongue?
can you digest my flaws?
see, sometimes my name doesn't taste good
sometimes I'm the salt in between your teeth
the invasive lemon causing you to cringe
but baby I told you what I'm made of,
you thought you could break steel
there's your biggest mistake

If you would have asked me yesterday
I would say
4 beautiful kids, that's what I want
now if you ask me today
the answer may have changed

come home with a blue eye covered in black
went to the sleepover with long hair,
comes home with a chopped mess
as he walks down the hallway and his books hit the floor
or the giggles behind her back echo while she sleeps
when they come home crying, what do I say?

the world is nasty, and sometimes it hurts
even when you have all the love in your heart,
you will still get hurt
no matter how kind you are,
people will be incredibly unkind to you
some people will try to steal your happiness
and some people may succeed
and when they do remember this

the world is beautiful, sometimes it hurts,
but you have so much love in your heart
no one can ever take that away
you are so incredibly kind
it radiates further than those who are unkind to you
no one can ever steal your happiness,
as long as you remember this

so if you ask me now,
I would say
I want 4 beautiful kids,
I know that's what I want

My biggest fear is being permanent
I don't want to be permanent
I don't want to sit still
Let's move across the world, find a small home
Always rearrange the furniture and when everyone knows our names
We will run away
Let's build a shack in a field of naked land
Make love until the weeds grow tall and the roof leaks
When we've spent our nails and the hammer runs dull
We will run away
Let's float on our backs in the ocean
Until our fingertips look like waves and salt eats away our worry
We can wash up on the shore and lay there for awhile
When the waves on our fingertips die
We will run away
And when you decide you want to be permanent
We will find you a home,
Where everyone knows your name, and you stay
When your nails are spent and your hammer is dull, you stay
And when the waves on your fingertips die, you stay
I'll cry when I leave and you will too
And I'm sorry, but I can't be permanent

Big brown door with sweaty palms slightly heeled shoes  
I press the button to let me in
locked, it is always locked
make sure it's locked
they can't get out for they know not where they will go,
or what they will do
Large building filled with gated in spaces,
Here, tears come by the bucket usually from the ones who can leave the locked doors behind
Here, for the first time I experienced someone who lost every memory every memory including love including family including friends
room after room filled with people who saw me yesterday but don't remember
Room after room filled with people who get visitors every week but still don't know who they are
Here they have a whole world in one building,
There is always with pudding
My second week there
A young man, maybe 25 walked in
his father looked at him and said
"I don't know who you are please go away"
he cried
"Dad, it's me"
This would be the first time I went to the bathroom to cry because I couldn't imagine forgetting a whole lifetime
The people here, most of them forgot a whole lifetime
A woman, 87, believes she is in fourth grade
we sit at a table and I teach her math
she tells me I am the best teacher ever
A man, 92, believes I am his granddaughter
I visit him every day
tell him stories of my childhood
he tells me he doesn't remember but that's okay because I can remind him
He isn't my grandpa but his actual grandkids don't visit
I'm happy to fill space
I get to leave the locked doors
I choose to go back in

An untainted breath fills my lungs
Tingling from an unexpected breeze
The moon so curved to the point
I imagine my body
Silhouette matching the moon
Dark colours invading my eyes
Bringing my senses to life
Wet grass so curved to the point
My body's imprint lay there lifeless
Wet grass cold to the touch
Shiver sent goosebumps
Chasing each other in a game of tag
Your lips so curved to the point
Fingers opening to the sight
I only want to know of curved lips
Eclipse of a mouth
As foggy mirrors lay in between
Stars like bonfires of reaching wood
Covering me in an unfamiliar scent
Asking each moment to be followed
By an even greater gift
This life so curved to the point
Destination
Give me journey

Believing were all compassionate and loving is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Morning,
I cry for the hurt
The body covered with 6 feet of dirt
I cry for the mistake
The painful longing for us to wake
Up in the air are hands
Down to the bone I feel it
Nod my head
It won't happen again

Afternoon,
Tell myself I'm grateful for my skin
When did it begin?
Me being thankful for this pigment
I hate it
Again, I cry
For those who try to be strong
When the world has been so wrong
Nod my head
It won't happen again

Evening,
When it all gets a little too much
Hope becomes a crutch
Keeping my head above water
Still drowning in sadness
Being eaten whole by disappointment
Feeling stunned and cold
Nod my head
It won't happen again

Night,
Nod my head
It always happens again

whispering secrets that slowly seep through lips
as their ears bleed, stained red they are
yet they listen every time
something irresistibly juicy about a secret
can you handle such raw communication
your bright white teeth cutting through succulent words
filled with a concoction of lies and truths
figure out which is which, dare you
you crave it, knowledge that isn't your own
words skewered on a stick in a way you've never known
eat them up, but you'll never get your fill
don't give it away too fast, make them beg until they're ill
you can tell them the grass is green
and baby they will run with it, run fast
the only words they run with,
are the ones that slowly seep though lips
and make their ears bleed

"When you stopped wishing things wouldn't fall apart, you'd stop suffering when they did"
John Green
when I have kids I won't want them to suffer
so I'll tell them, things fall apart
things crumble like cookies in milk
sand castles meeting salty feet
wooden swing sets worn thin and fragile
by kids who never thought a swing set could die
maybe if they'd have known that things fall apart
they wouldn't have swung so long, pumped their feet so hard
but that wouldn't have mattered after all
because everything falls apart
when I have kids they will know what it means to accept
acceptance isn't always agreeing, you can disagree with every fiber of your being
but you can still accept
acceptance is recognizing what being human looks like
what being human feels like
what being human means
when I have kids I'll tell them love isn't right or wrong
love isn't a puffs tissue "ultra soft and strong"
love is after all a battlefield
but you don't have to bring guns and knives
you can bring open arms and an open mind
your choice, but you have to chose
and I will do my best to prep you for battle
I will tell you I love you always
give you a million reasons to smile
remind you of worth, your worth
not a price tag
there is no discount on feelings and flesh
love isn't buy one get one free
it's the 99 cent box of assorted chocolates
some good, some bad
but you find yourself eating them all
yes, I just compared love to a box of chocolates
but I thought it was relatable and you would get it
so, when I have kids I will tell them to smile
because you can't fake a smile
it's the truest part of your face
and if all things good inside of you were truly lost
your mouth would forget how to smile altogether
so, smile
when I have kids they will know
no matter how hard life gets or how easy it seems
things fall apart, you can always accept
love is a chocolate filled battlefield
and smiling, smiling is always real
because it tells the world
"Hey, I'm right here!"

when things get real
tack covered pavement
sticky shadows pulling limbs
destined to be torn down the middle
breathe in pain, take it out of the world
add to the core, I can handle more
they surround you, call out for me
for I will come running
fire in eyes yet still they water
what I would give to fix you
the battle you fight, is inside
scream in the night
they lie in your head, the monsters
I told them to go
little did I know, they are you
different you, I've never seen
what I would give to fix you
you make love to the monsters in your head
but you said, you hate them
you made me crazy,
you taught me,
no more trying to fix,
sometimes you just can't fix

Paint me a picture so breathtaking you have to breathe life back into me
With colors forcing me to stare, transfixed
Beauty isn't questioned, it's known
Narrow mindedness is buried in the backyard at home
Taught our arms to stretch further to hold more love
Your heart was granted elasticity all the way to the moon
Eating icing with a spoon, in your colorless, empty room
Sat there until all of the world blurred together
Take in infinity, until our worries are as light as a feather
We don't have to hold the weight of the world,
Stand underneath the stare of unforgivable eyes
We can float into the skies, break free from a world of lies
We get to paint our own picture,
hang it on the nose of the world, a fixture,
Everyone, so blind to simplicity
But for me, it's all i see

When the massacre of who I am begins,
You can look away
I am the reason I believe people can change
It happens, just happens, all the time
The world is so grey, I can't be definitive  
I am the eye of the storm
As I twirl around you, pain is never intended
Intentions get clouded
You know, I can't control what you think is implied
Implication of clear fact to protect your indecisive emotions
Swimming in devotion, it fades in and out
When in doubt, look away
Your love for me may fade
This ever changing girl may become a burden
I won't blame you,
if you choose,
to look away