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Sunk onto those  wooden steps
The ones with dust so thick
You could drown

Feeding on old habits
I wondered where you were
And whose lips you were kissing
Since you last told me you missed me

They say you spend your whole life
Trying to rewrite the first poem
You've ever loved
Maybe that's why
I've been searching for someone
With smile lines in the same place
Around their eyes
And a breathing pattern
like a song

A cigarette for your thoughts
And a flame for your demons
A breeze for your tears
And a hammer for your heart
 Nov 2013 Carrie Wentzel
Holly
I am bored
of routine,
of familiarity,
and of repetition.
I just exist,
I am unimportant,
but really, we all are.

Who created us?
What do we live for?
Why are we here?

Top of the food chain,
the most advanced product of evolution,
more intelligent than all other creatures
and yet we barely understand our own kind.
I don't even fully understand myself.

Humans are ignorant.
We are just the inmates, eternally confined
and restricted to the spherical dome-shaped prison that is planet Earth.
There is no way to escape.
We are trapped.
a bit pessimistic but I wasn't in the best mood when I wrote this poem so meh
 Nov 2013 Carrie Wentzel
Holly
Night time
Is the worst time of day.

It's not the darkness,
Not the shadows,
Nor the scary noises.
But I dislike the echoes
Of all my negative thoughts,
My doubts, my worries
And my fears
That keep me awake.
It's impossible to sleep;
Repetitive in my mind
They grow louder and louder,
Piercing the silence,
Haunting the night.
 Nov 2013 Carrie Wentzel
Holly
Music
 Nov 2013 Carrie Wentzel
Holly
music
makes me so much
more content,
more peaceful,
more real
and more myself

it revives me,
it clears my head
and it keeps me grounded
but most of all
it makes me feel less alone

it comforts me
when no one else can.
I don't go a day without listening to some music, and I don't think people appreciate how dull life would be without it
Cuba, where are your wings?
Have you lost your umph?
Coconuts, bananas and sugar cane,
all taken by the time you get there.
Where are the lines on the highway?
Simple lines which guide you.
An oxcart here, truck there, person in uniform, whoah.
Watch out, do not speak out,
do not look like you are full.
Confusion lurks in the dark.
The light is coming, it has to be coming, the matches are
in the next delivery, just wait...
wings and matches are coming.
I used to live
In nowhere land
Where I was stuck
And nothing ever changed

I was full of hatred
And nothing else
For no reason at all
But a sick mindset

But then you came alone
And pulled me out
Kicking and screaming of course
You taught me not to live in nowhere

And now
There is nowhere
I'd rather be
Than your arms
You probably understand. Or maybe you don't, after all. Either way, it is jumping around inside me and if I don't let it out soon all my carbonation will fizz up and run over the side of my glass and I don't want to waste all that sweetness.

I want to kiss you underwater.

I want that kiss to be the only thing keeping us alive. Down there we are foreigners, aliens. Grasping, I want to feel your flesh in stark contrast to the smooth wetness all around me, like a secret.

All that life where we cannot live. Exotic, forbidden, so lovely. I am sick with love.
What happens after we tumble down?
The fast falls are easy fixes.
We remember clearly where we were at the start,
we can just climb back on the other side of the crevasse.

But when the decline is gradual,
we have no clue we’ve finished falling until we look around,
confused at the immense walls towering up,
penning us in and obscuring the stars.

We don’t remember what it’s like above,
where we started.
We don’t remember starting
nor how we got down here,
into this dry valley,
so dark and disorienting.

We only know,
with sudden urgency,
that this is not where we want or ought to be.

Panicked, we scramble to find a way out immediately,
needing only the rescue of now.
With each passing minute,
each now becoming then,
the panic intensifies.
If we let it consume us,
we get lost more deeply and wholly;
we struggle more and more to find the right way,
we ignore options in search of the one path we think is
right.

But there is never just one path.

Even after finding a way out,
the challenge has just begun.
We must realize when we are back up to where we started.
But we don’t remember where that is,
we don’t recall the feeling of that height or the look of the stars.
Stop too early and the world will never be as
bright and airy
as it was before.
Push to far,
and the path never ends.

That final point,
that place that’s just right
just where we started,

That is what we call home.
 Sep 2013 Carrie Wentzel
Robb
My Sea
 Sep 2013 Carrie Wentzel
Robb
Start
where my world had ended
ten years have passed
but the sights
sounds
feel hasn’t bended.
I still can picture
like a photograph of the past
the tree that marked
the step that was my last
before the world disappeared
into the land of unknown
at the age of seven
in the woods
all alone

My mind froze
like the ground in October
as I gazed out past my tree
my line
the Pacific to a kid who was trembling all over.
I turned from the place that had been told to me
as being the limit
of where I was allowed to be.
The queen
the leader
the one I call Mom
the one who I’d been trained
to think had known all
requested,
NO
commanded,
that “I shall not pass”
but she was the Balrog
and I was Legolas.
But still,
I was scared
trained to trust in the words
but oh
how my heart ached and how it yearned
to be set free
from these boundaries on Earth.
In the mind of a child
Up
up
was away
so I began to climb
And I'll climb to this day.
From the branches I’d gaze
out across the fields
and the trees and the blades
Weren't  green
they were black
as if cast in a shadow
about to attack.
I screamed, inside
outside I fell,
from the branches
of my mind
no rope
not a repel.
Fast was the descent
for I caught myself
on the truth of the words I had heard from
no one else.
They were mine,
not the queen’s
not the leader’s
not my mom’s
and the fact that they weren’t
made them seem twice as strong.
No field could haunt me,
No field could do harm
so as I envisioned prior
I began my journeyed on.
Past the tree,
past the line,
past the Pacific of my mind
and into the darkness
that was only black through the blinds.
For all I had to do was draw them back
and then i could see,
that past my line,
my Pacific,
there was nothing but more trees.

So now,
seventeen
I journey back to the place
at the edge of my ocean
that is an ocean I now crave.
The point past the tree,
past the line I had drawn
and into the green,
and the light
and the thoughts
that now come to mind
not of fear or
of doubt
but of joy
and of fun
and I can’t live without
the knowledge that the tree
that has meant so much to me
instead of a line
is
an ocean,
My sea.
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