On Sundays I feel a little bit hungover
Last night I was drunk with the thought of you
Laying in your bed in your arms
The warmth spreading in my chest like alcohol
Positively dizzy with lust
Having to leave is like a premature walk of shame
I stumble like I'm lost
But I am far from ashamed

I wake up feeling like I'm still dreaming
I don't even know if I was or
I'm just replaying last night in my mind
In the shower I wash away the smell of your bedsheets,
clear lines dried on my skin that you traced
In the foggy mirror the passionate bruises are clouds
Pouring this need inside of me
And I feel like I'm overflowing, already falling

It can be hard to be alone
When I leave, I feel everything and nothing
I want to open the car door and run into the night
Clutch fist fulls of ice in both hands just to feel
I shiver within your absense
Because you were just right there
And it has effects like sudden withdraw
What I would give for a higher dose

Waiting is something I can't do
I'm eager and impatient and yours
The rest of the week I am moping
Practically ill with longing
Hoping the days will go quick
I am pathetic but truthful
I can't help but feel lovesick
While the world knows no cure

deep in my mind it seems so dark
only a few venture there
existing is a delicate thing
some can hardly bare it
it is so hard to see
the air is heavy to breathe
to you, all is silent
really it is loud beneath
outside you cannot hear the connections
unknown to you are these endless sounds
blue skies are just a mutation
lies of your mind's creation
eyes report what you want to see
you get to decide
observe but leave the ***** work
ultimately, there is beauty in the weak
rage is often ugly and raw
maybe it is too late to care
internal gore is much easier to hide
not like a ****, these wounds
do you know why?

I wonder what you think about
When you are all alone
Do you ever lose reality,
and go somewhere no one else can see?
My mind is like a pendulum
Sometimes straying, but always coming back
I feel like I'm never not thinking of you
Like my conscience loves you too
To and fro, my thoughts toss and turn
I feel restless in the dark,
And exposed in the light
My weakest parts are hidden from your sight

I've got this current of emotion caught in high tide
It feels like I'm floating,
Lost in the ocean of my mind
but something below is lingering
I close my eyes as not to see
But it will not leave
Tickling the bottoms of my feet reminding me
This safety is not forever
How could I forget?
Wrapping around my ankles
I do not fight, only wait
Breathing this air
Questioning my fate
As I cling to you
like the last life jacket
And pretend to be immortal

Which is worse
Red tear streaks down your cheek
Crying but you do not know why
A black pearl in an ocean of light
Curled upon yourself
No one else can see your internal fight
Or white teeth between pink lips
Eyes that wink in your direction
They are open doors
Painted like wings to fly
Stretched out, ready to soar
Doomed to die

Life is like paper
We are always tracing,
Arms like rulers, hands like graphite
You leave smudges on my skin
Hard lines softened by your touch
Marking places no one else has been
You make my indifferent linear mouth
curve into a smile
I didn't realize how much I wanted to see you
Until it hit me like a permanent pen
The question I had written wasn't what,
It was when
I find myself thinking of you
Trying to draw you in my mind
In this world of accuracy
It's far from perfect
Doesn't do you justice
It's like the cause but not the effect
How can your flaws be so alluring
I just love you more
As more of your picture forms
Shadows and light
Like an artist's final sweep
Nothing has felt more right

All I can see is the red beneath my eyelids
Harsh rays still shining through like it demands attention
The spot light of affection

I feel the gritty path under my bare feet
My trail of heartstrings pulled too tightly
And hopes taken too lightly

Composed of the barely contained
Shall I lock my thoughts in a cage?
Because I cannot control this rage

I wish I was a sculpture
Shaped to artist’s perfection
Maybe then I could face my reflection

Sometimes I cannot think straight
I can only see with the curves of my eyes
It is distorted, twisted like crude glass
So much that I cannot tell truth from lies
I have learned the difference
Between what you do
And what you actually mean
Because I do that, too
These pieces do not fit together
Push too hard, they will break
Tears cannot mend
What was always fake
I hide under a mask
you think you can see through
But that is not me
It is all for you

I’m the type of girl who will write you love poems in the middle of the night because I can’t sleep
Because every time I close my eyes I imagine yours staring back at me,
I can feel your arms wrapped around me, hand on my waist, skin to skin
Instead of the screaming below
The screaming of my parents, my brother’s cries for it to stop
The screaming of demons I hold inside but my grip sometimes slips and I cry too
So I think, instead, your voice inside my head
I hold that hand, your hand in my memory so tightly because right now I want to bite my nails
I want to bite down the cubicles and peel my skin down to the knuckles and keep in place so
I cannot scream myself when red drips down my palm, across my wrist mimicking the shapes of veins
Red. Red is blood, ribbons, hair. Flame. I think of candles and the ghost they leave behind
That trailing scent of not-so-happy birthdays and old perfumed women with a failing sense of smell
Smell is a powerful thing, almost a phantom of memories. Never in my life have I smelt sawdust and not thought of my father’s garage, his eyebrows pinched not in anger
Whenever I wear your jacket, I am constantly breathing in the scent. Never am I not reminded of your bedsheets, my fingers through your hair, quietly listening to each other breathe
I wish I could breathe that easy now, lay back straight rather than hunched over the white of a screen
This position is starting to hurt; the way I’m sitting, where I’m at, my future direction
I can't move without giving in to listen
And I can’t leave without saying goodbye