You make me sick:
Your happiness.
You're blinding me
In your sea of eternity.

It's disgusting
What I'm feeling.
I wish I could take it back,
But it's already blooming.

It's the elephant in the room.
It's in the center;
Shadow looming over
Yet we ignore it.

Where is this going?
We're moving way too fast.
I only have time to think
"This moment will not last."

I told you that
I miss you.
You said that
You do, too.

You say you waited,
Looked all over.
Why is it when
I look, you're not there?

You say these perfect words;
You're such a sweet talker.
I listen so desperately,
Lo and behold, again, I believe.

You say you don't want
To lose someone through the cracks,
But now I'm the one
Falling off your lap.

I want you to catch me
But your hands pull back.
You seem so disgusted
By everything I lack.

But now he's here;
Listens when I hurt.
He catches every tear
Where you left me in the dirt.

I wish I could trust.
I wish I could believe.
But when I cry, I'm hushed.
I'm scared of silences you leave.

You're still in my heart;
Still in my soul.
You still saved my life,
That much we know.

You'll always own a piece of me,
No matter how big this family.
I know you still care,
But no longer are you there.

Do you care?
At this point
I don't know
Give me something

Where's the love?
You seem so gone
We haven't spoken
In so **** long

It seemed so perfect
That honeymoon phase
Now I'm broken
And you forgot my name

You were there
You saved my life
I said not to worry
I'm done with the knife

But I need you now
I need you again
I feel you're gone
And I've lost a friend

In the silence of this night
you’ll never know what I fight
bleed out these evils
rid yourself of the poisons
you keep on knocking
but no one’s there
desperation triggers adrenaline
nothing can stop me now
I just ignore the daggers
because I know it’s all a dream
I can’t even die
and what would it be like
to be able to practice
your final act of being alive?
dying in your sleep
but still able to wake up
still able to see the morning sun
those thoughts just load the gun
I shouldn’t think these things that pop up
I should try to filter my brain
but why?
when nothing can filter the pain
just watch me fade away
all this is just part of that fight
that I fight every night
silence is a beautiful thing

Where did you go?
Living your dream
You seem so happy
Did you forget about me?

I hope you did
I was holding you back
You were so worried
You just need to laugh

I want you gone
I want you happy
Though I could use a hug
Every now and again

You don't need me
I'm the dust on your feet
I'm baggage you never needed
Shake me off and leave

You're better than me
You don't need this
You deserve the best
Not this burning nest

So I'll see you around
In my dreams I'll love you
In my mind I'll keep you near
But you will forever be free of me

Thank you for my life.
Thank you for lending me time.
Thank you for easing my mind.
Thank for your guiding light.
Thank you for love.
Thank you for your hugs.
Thank you for being
absolutely cute as bugs.
Thank you for music;
It’s gotten me through it.
Thank you for caring
instead of just staring.
Thank you for everything;
I wouldn’t be here but for you.
Thank you for existing.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for your charm.
Thank you for your wit.
Thank you for helping me
Get away from all of it.
Thank you for your humor;
Thanks for that.
I always love you more
when you make me laugh.
Thank you for chasing your dream.
Thank you for inspiring me.
Thank you for living free.
Thank you for embracing me.
Thank you for the warmth;
You’ve given me so much.
Thank you for the love;
I’ll never be able to pay you back.
Thank you for saving me;
I’m so glad I’m still here.
Thank you for braving my seas
of sadness and fear.
Thank you for the beauty
You bring to my world.
Thank you for helping me see
The beauty there is in me.
I couldn’t see it before,
But every now and then,
I begin to look for it,
And it brings a degree of happiness.
Thank for what you’ve done for me.
Thank you for how you’ve cared.
Thank you for proving me right,
and for proving me wrong.
I love you so so much
With all my heart.
Thank you so much
for helping me restart.

I awake to the screaming
That fills the house.
I hate the fighting and seething.
it kills me now.

Don't you see
What it's doing to me?
Don't you know
How to leave things be?

I'm scared- no
"Terrified" is the word.
Next sign of trouble
I'm off like a bird.

I'll take flight
Leave in the night
I can't take your fights.
I'm in such a fright.

And the silence after
Is so petrifying.
I'm trying to understand
But it's such an unreachable feat.

And now it's done.
The tension is so thick
As we all pretend
It didn't happen.

I'm a broken soul
Broken and bruised.
I just want to be whole
Instead of self abused.

I'm alone right now
Afraid of my brain,
Trying to learn how
To cope with my pain.

I need you to know
How lucky I feel
To have ever met you,
To know you're here.

But still I'm lost
In my life's grand journey.
To the side I've been tossed
And I fell to a gurney.

But the doctors can't fix
What's inside your head.
It just precious tricks.
They pretend with the meds.

I tell them it's worked.
I say that it's helping.
But I still have urges;
I'm still feeling crazy.

I'm alone in my mind,
Though not in my pain.
I just want to grind
My life down the drain.

I feel so stupid.
You're not oblivious.
But I'm in love still,
although it's ridiculous.

I'm useless
You don't need me.
I'm not even a part
of this family.

I don't stand out.
I'm nothing special.
I'm your roundabout.
My presence isn't colossal.

I don't belong.
I shouldn't be here.
You all get along
So well without me.

I guess I'll go.
You won't have to know
Who I am or where I'll be
To know the me I let you see.

You are so loved
Everything you do
I fall more for you
And now I wonder

How do you feel about me?
What do you think of me
When I'm not there?
What is there to keep you here?

I can't help but to think
You're far too good for me
You're living your dream
I just continue to bleed

You were my bandage
You held me tight
You protected me
Through my darkest nights

You loved me
You cared
You helped me
You were there

Here I sit
Writing you down
Sifting through this ****
Before it all comes pouring out

You passed me to another
Like food upon a plate
You took one bite of me
Then threw me away

I trusted you
I held you so dear
I don't want to hear it
I'm covering my ears

I'm done, we're through
Please, leave me be
Just let me die
Like a bird in the sea

As much as she pushes him away,
He just won't get it.
Can't he see
how desperate she is?

She can't take much more of this:
He doesn't seem to care.
He's having his fun
forcing her to the gun

She doesn't know
what else she can do.
He just won't leave;
She's begging him please

Someone help her.
Shove him back.
She can't do it alone,
her efforts falling slack

Listen to the wind
Look through holes in the screen
she's there looking in
trying to hear her own screams

She swears it will be over soon,
Her pain will ebb away.
But are her words true?
Or will he continue to play?

You let it slice through your soul
You let it punch through a brick wall
You let it tear out every hair on your head
You let it break you down to the ground

You let it in and spit it back out
You move past it without a doubt
You scratch through the surface
You want something deeper

You don't want to die
So you sit there and lie
It begins to show through
You begin to lose you

All your friends try to do the impossible
You pull away though they mean well
You sit alone in your room
You hate the world but with no proof

You just want to give it all up
You don't want to talk it all out
What even is there to talk about?
"I have no problem, no lie, no doubt"

They say you don't deserve it
But you know the truth
There is absolutely nothing special
Inside of you

Where are we?
I can't see
Can you hear me?
I can't breathe
In this world of make believe
You're in me
You're what I need
Think you know, baby?
You've scratched the surface
Time to dig deep
Take down my screen
See my world for real
Quick, before it's sealed
Take the bait and leave
You've got what you need
Now give me what I crave

I miss you
I miss the gleaming smile
And the way you shine
I miss our old life
Take me back
To all my old ways
Let me get lost
In my own gaze
You were always there
Caressed me when I hurt
How do I repay you?
I throw you in the dirt.
I'm sorry
I miss you
Please come back

As the noose of pain
begins to strangle her neck
the strings of her guitar
vibrate as they come to help

She's not sure what's happening.
It's all so **** confusing.
Her life flashed before her eyes
but this instrument helps her realize

She never understood
how to get herself out.
This music is good
it's the water in the drought

They'll never know
how much it means to her
to run plastic across steel
the rhythm of her earth

she can never explain
at least not fully
how it calms her soul
though they always wonder

to her it's that feeling
of eyes closing after long days
that beautiful feeling
of beings able to look past that gaze

it's like trying to say
the exact feeling of the way
you live and love and stay
alive and safe

don't you know
she can't tell you everything
it's not a to and fro
she's incapable of some things

this separation is difficult
don't you feel
how she just wants to scream and yell?
but instead, she, herself, steels

she shuts herself off
and begins to strum through
every note on the scale
just so she won't cry and wail

leave her be
please, just go
listen between the words you hear
look between the cracks you broke

Not everything is what it seems
but sometimes as you can see
everything that happens
is exactly what it seems to be

They are fading.
They were so beautiful.
I'm sadder than I should be.
They were so beautiful.
I should be so happy.
They were so beautiful.
They're almost gone completely.
They were so beautiful.
I'm really going to miss them.
They were so beautiful.
Their color is leaving.
They were so beautiful.
Although they're no longer bleeding.
They were so beautiful.
Feels like they are burning.
They were so beautiful.
Goodbye my old friends.
You were so beautiful.
I'll never forget
You were so beautiful
No matter how I try because
They were so beautiful.

I ran away
In spite of myself
I pushed back
From your selflessness

You were so good for me
I couldn't bring myself to believe
I guess I just didn't see
The good in you or the love in me

I'm left to wonder
What could have been
I'll continue reading over
I'll continue to listen

I'll remember you
Forever and always
I gave you me
Now I've gone out in a blaze

I'll fizzle out
Like a firecracker
I'll drizzle down
And burn the earth

You're there watching
Waiting for me to come back
I'll promise you this
I'm well on my way

Be patient, please
I'm trying, I swear
Soon I'll be
Nowhere but right there

Please let my words ring true
please let me say I’m fighting through
please understand my words to you
please let my message be used

I don’t know where I am
I’m not sure where I stand
I’m living on the edge
but I want your safety pledge

I need to know
what you’ll do.
How do I get it through to you?
Why won’t you try, too?

You’re the only reason I’m alive.
You’re the only star in my sky
but I’m afraid it’s all just lies.
What have I lost from my eyes?

You said to write so now I’m writing.
You said it’ll help but now I’m dying.
I’m so confused by this world
I’ve built for myself

I’ve strayed so far away
from the path I intended to stay.
I know you said you wouldn’t forget
but please don’t let me, my decision, regret.

Oh, my love
you just need a hug
you wouldn't hurt a bug
I'm sorry, so sorry, love

it's time to live life
you deserve a happy light
a sun that makes your day bright
don't worry, I'll be alright

I'm so proud of you
you know that, right?
I love your smile
it's always so bright

Your laugh makes me laugh
your tears make me cry
I want-no, need you to go
I won't be left behind

We'll keep in touch
you need this rush
Your happiness is at risk
You gotta make the jump

You won't blow this
Please, stand your ground
I know you want this
don't lose your nerve now

You want this so bad
I know you need it
I don't want you to be sad
Don't you dare leave it

Your beauty will shine
Your face will glow
your smile will radiate
your talent, you'll know

I love you so much
I believe in you
You're gonna make this
You're gonna make you.

To die would be an awfully great adventure.
Happiness must be in Never-Never Land.
I want to fly high and dry;
I want to flit through the sky.
I hope to follow a piper of pied attire
Meet in our secret place through the mountains.
There will be many lost kids
Looking for a way to live.
I don't think I know the way out.
How shall we be together again?
I don't want to grow up.
I want to stay here.
I want to fight pirates.
I want to play with ticking alligators.
I want to love in the most innocent ways.
I want us to be lost in this phase.
You just seem so perfect for me;
I want time to just freeze.
So, let's steal the dust of a fairy
and take to the night sky.
Play on the clock tower
Fight for our own power
We can be whoever we want to be.
But, flash forward now
I come back to visit.
I see you've found out
What growing up is all about.
I can't help but to feel alone.
Where do I stand now?
Where is my home?
I don't know how to get through to her;
But to die would be an awfully great adventure.