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There was nothing plastic
About the way your smile showed
Or about the way your arms felt
But a voice in the back of my head told me so
And last weekend
I melted a carpet I thought was wool
You could have fooled me
Except now there is a hard, shiny, iron-shaped mark
Plastered into the carpet's soft mat
To be honest, I was a little disgusted
When I pulled the iron away and found
Strings of green and red clinging to it like bubblegum
And to be honest, I felt a little disgusted with myself
Not to mention you
When I left a handprint in your soft back
And strings of skin still sticking to my palm
Prove you, my little plastic boy, are just a doll
By all the tests that matter
A human illusion too easily destroyed
By an excess of warmth
"Make of yourself a light"
said the Buddha,
before he died.
I think of this every morning
as the east begins
to tear off its many clouds
of darkness, to send up the first
signal-a white fan
streaked with pink and violet,
even green.
An old man, he lay down
between two sala trees,
and he might have said anything,
knowing it was his final hour.
The light burns upward,
it thickens and settles over the fields.
Around him, the villagers gathered
and stretched forward to listen.
Even before the sun itself
hangs, disattached, in the blue air,
I am touched everywhere
by its ocean of yellow waves.
No doubt he thought of everything
that had happened in his difficult life.
And then I feel the sun itself
as it blazes over the hills,
like a million flowers on fire-
clearly I'm not needed,
yet I feel myself turning
into something of inexplicable value.
Slowly, beneath the branches,
he raised his head.
He looked into the faces of that frightened crowd.
There’s a patch of old snow in a corner
  That I should have guessed
Was a blow-away paper the rain
  Had brought to rest.

It is speckled with grime as if
  Small print overspread it,
The news of a day I’ve forgotten—
  If I ever read it.
Black skirts and black blouses,
Black slacks and black jackets.
One hundred black bruised hearts.

Black faces and phrases;
“I’m sorry for your loss”s and “If I can do anything…”s.
I’m burning up and down,
Dying to run from this place like a tiger escaping his stripes.

Anger spills over,
Punches are thrown like whipped cream pies into a clowns face,
Fists fly, crows on great gusts of pain,
Noses bleed and suddenly

                      I am home.

Sliding on the ***** of death
up to see her,
knowing she would be ashamedly proud.
Watching for effervescent soda bubbles,
thinking this a terrible,
terrible April fool’s trick
only to be greeted by her ashen smile
inside a tiny                  
              wooden
                    box.
2010
She said:
"We were warriors
and lovers.
I killed him
with my love
sharp and shining,
he fell dead
like a plucked  sakura blossom
peacefully smiling
surrendering
to  my love.
I am a killer,
and he is the victim
in the eyes of the
law of the world!
Don't you see
we made our love
immortal for all times to come
defying death?
For your eyes he is dead,
but look! he will never die.
He is a legend
I am indeed dead
for the sake of my love
by  remaining  alive
killing him.
We were comrades in arms
who vanquished death
by our sacrifice,
for raising the banner
of love higher than ever
challenging death"
You are my heart and upon it
I have etched my secret hopes for you:
My hope that you burn brightly, and long—
That your most heartfelt desires lash themselves
Upon the winds of passion
And that your heart’s love flows
Out of eyes and mouth to the tuneful ears
Of those who surround you.
That hope survives and blooms in the inclement weather
Of disappointment—
That you find and etch your secret desires
For your own child—
And that when I am gone,
That in a flowering corner of your soul
That you feel my love for you—


Copyright/All Rights Reserved Audrey Howitt 2011
I caught my mother crying once,
at the kitchen table, face in one hand
dishtowel in the other,
real crying, out loud crying;

I wanted to be anywhere else,
and would have run
had she not heard me,
had she not pressed the dishtowel to her eyes
and said

“I'm just so tired of walking on eggshells.”
like an eight year old would understand,
but I did,
kind of.
The ice on the river thins
and it's time to go home

We'd always take the longer way home
Entwining our scarves together and holding hands
Only parting at the crossroads, when I'd stand on the mound
And watch as you skipped away.

The barn and its hay
Always tickled my nose
Its rats climbing the walls easily
While we giggled beneath their posteriors

Holidays in the summer when
Fields bathed in the sunset scorched our heads
Bellies full of peaches and innocent love
And the little kisses we'd give

The rain pours through the leaves and
We find the roots of an old tree
Sit to huddle together and sneeze
Licking the water off each other

Bliss and yesterdays
Treats to my heart
While I sit here and wait
Wait for something to happen
Wait for you to come back
As I watch you skip away.
© Helios Rietberg, September 2011
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