I don't know why but I think
that drinking after someone is great.
It's almost as if the person says
"my germs are yours."

*-c.a.

What do you do when you've met someone but you haven't physically?

What do you do when that someone loves you?

What do you do when that someone asks if you love them?

Do you say yes and lead them on because you've never met?

Or do you say no because you've never met?

So then tell me what to do when you say "i love you" to that person but then realize you didn't mean to?

Do you cease conversations in hopes that they'll forget about you?

Or do you continue conversations and slowly rip their heart out bit by bit?


What do you do?

*-c.a.

Slipping in and out of consciousness
Nausea is back, hold on a sec
I run to the room to spew my troubles
Hoping that this will be the last
I venture back to my room
Back on my bed
Trying to get comfortable
Before having to get up again

*-c.a.

Dream on dreamer
Accomplish what is needed
Go on with life
Live like you should
But be careful of the storms

Keep out of the way
Hold on tight
I think we're going for a ride

Death holds you by the reigns
And life pulls you along
When everything changes
Nothing can be wrong

Magic in the air
Fire in our hearts
This is a revolution
Don't try and stop us now.

*-c.a.

"Hi." you said to me
My mind races
it's going a mile a minute
Please don't say anything stupid
Please
Come on
You can do it
Just say hi back
It's simple
It really is
2 letters
1 syllable
but so many hidden meanings.

*-c.a.

Beautiful,
such an overly used word.
How about you call them:
                                                        Stu­nning                       Delicate
                                    Magnificent                 ­   Lovely                    Radiant
                            ­  Enticing                                                       ­                    Exquisite
                           Tantalizing                                                      ­                   Dazzling
                                 Wonderful                                                        ­      Mesmerizing
                                               ­  Alluring                                          Ravishing
                                                          Captiv­ating            Enthralling
                                    ­                                      Enchanting

How about you call them something other than beautiful?

*-c.a.

My life is a roller coaster.
                          up
                                and
                                        d
                      ­                        o
                                                   w
                                                         n
I can't decide which,
                          s i d e to s i d e
which way am I going to turn next.
It takes me upside down
It makes my heart spin
It turns me around
Crash
Looks like I've hit a dead end.

*-c.a.

Words are powerful,
so choose them carefully.

Words are your fate,
sentences to your destiny.

but the lies you tell
make up the spiderweb of your life.

Spin a web of lies and catch some flies
Flies are friends and foes.
So be careful and watch your nose.

*-c.a.

I have these scars on my heart, my hand and my back
I'm writing your name like it is the alphabet
Carved on my back
making me bleed and feel like crap.

Trying to make you permanent
although you never will be
You always disappear before I can get a hold
You were never there when I needed you the most
You left me there, lying on the cold floor
You promised you wouldn't hurt me
or never ever leave me.
Why did you go?
You promised me.

I should have known,
should have listened to the people that were there for me.
I gave myself to you.
I thought you were the one.

It makes me scream
makes me cry
makes my head hurt
makes me want to die.

I trusted you
I loved you
I gave you my all.
But you were there long enough to take it
and watch me fall.

I love you,
I hate you.
I need you,
I don't want you.

You used to be the sunshine
but now you are the lightning that strikes
and pains me deep in my heart.

And that's how I'm going to die
By being broken inside.

*-c.a.

Rainbows
Unicorns
The things I desire
I lie down but I'm not tired
I do this so I can let my mind wander
It always goes to the same place
but nothing is always the same
The unicorns here are pink
never white nor black
the rainbows are filled with colors you can't even imagine
but never white nor black
the trees in my fantasy
are made up of delicious cotton candy

In my fantasy
the roads are rocky road ice cream
and the people are the sweetest sour patch kids
this is my fantasy
the things I dream of
I wish my fantasy was reality
but would never want this reality to be my fantasy
because I would be scared to go to sleep.

*-c.a.

there's you
and then there's me.

there's a supermodel blonde you
and then there's average brown me.

there's a hourglass shaped you
and then there's a circle shaped me.

there's a beautiful happy you
and then there's just me.

*-c.a.

I guess we could agree on one thing.
I’m afraid of a lot of things like,
the inexpiable,
the questionable and the unreasonable.
I like to be able to hold something
To be able to see it, hear it, touch it, smell it, and maybe taste it.
I like things to have a reason for its creation.

*-c.a.

I was just about to give up on seeing anyone remotely attractive,
when I spied the best looking guy.

Every morning was painful,
to see his beautiful face and to know
that there was a slim to none chance that he would ever like someone like me.

*-c.a.

In second grade,
My mom made me wear dresses everyday.
My mom would part my hair down the middle and make two long braids with colorful hair ties.
I would go to school and the boys would make fun of my dresses.
The boy that sat behind me would pull my braids anytime I said something smart.

In fourth grade,
I told my mom I could dress myself, but she still had to approve of every outfit.
I told my mom I was old enough to style my own hair.
I would go to school and the boys would make fun of my weight instead of my clothes.
The boy that sat behind me would sit next to me and call me names for being the stupid one in smart classes.

In seventh grade,
I told my mom that I didn't care what she thought.
I cut my long hair shoulder length.
I started wearing dark makeup.
The boys didn't make fun of my weight but they would ask me out as a joke.
The boy that sat behind me and then next to me, liked me and texted me every night saying how pretty I was.

In the ninth grade,
My mom wasn't awake to see what I wore to school.
I regretted the very day I decided to cut my hair.
The boys that called me fat; left me alone because they found someone bigger to pick on.
The boy that sat behind me asked me for a naked picture and I said no.
He called me a fat, ugly, ***** and never talked to me again.

In the tenth grade,
My mom borrowed my clothes and I borrowed hers.
My hair fell out but I wanted it to grow.
Boys no longer call me fat because they never saw me eat.
And the boy that sat behind me wanted me back.
I cried myself to sleep and hid my wrists in my sleeve.

It's funny how many things changed since the second grade.

*-c.a.

Oh lovely, a new friend.
Would you be so kind to listen to my story?
I need to tell someone as I fear I may be going insane.
If you are going to listen to my story, could you please try not to judge me?  
Oh, what’s that?
You’ll listen to my story?
And you won’t judge me?
Oh well, isn't that just lovely.

Now, the question is where do I start?

*-c.a.

I want to draw.
I want to paint.
I want to make music.
I just want to create.
Create something tangible.
Maybe create something magical.
I want to create something that will last.
But more importantly, I want to be remembered for creating that one magical thing.

*-c.a.

I wonder if you constantly check your phone to see if I had texted you.
I wonder if you lay in bed in the dark thinking about me.
I wonder if you regret saying something to me because you thought it sounded stupid.
I wonder if you ever feel like you are annoying me so you don’t talk to me for a day.
I wonder if you care about me.
I wonder if you would miss me if I disappeared.
I wonder if you do these things.
I really do.

*-c.a.

Darling, you’ll be alright
Food won’t **** you but your mind might.
Sit tight
              and hold on.
The storm will pass
                                and you’ll move on.
The danger is in over thinking
The power is in not eating
All sanity is gone.
So sit tight and hold on.

*-c.a.