god I hope you kiss me
like that song
you know the one
the one your thinking of right now
yes you

the one you already can hear
with a little smile

and maybe one or three very good memories

he looked at me
and asked what I was hiding from

and it’s hard to wrap 74 layers of grief into a 5 word answer

so i smile
and give a little shrug

letting go of his hand

for the last time

love is embarrassing
WELL IT SHOULD BE
do the thing
say the thing
realize that person might not be right for you
but try anyways
to learn their soul and
awkwardly stare at each other
kissing in the street
and laughing trying to make it work
as you both start
tipp—-ing
over

as lips meet teeth
and laughter rings through the street at 10:42

your hand
it slipped from mine
and in that moment, the music got dull
slowing down to a sickening pace
Distortion clouding my judgement
or maybe just my ears

the days came and went
and I suppose it’s not all that different
I’ll be your friend once more
with hands in my pockets

delusions and distortion— no more

it was funny
how everyone else could see our love
before us
how my nicknames seemed to ooze transfixion
and your immediate responses seemed to confirm everything our bodies were saying  
like we weren’t two kids
who years ago
laughed at the thought of it
it being us
but you never denied or rebuked
I realize all those years ago
and I wonder

maybe it just was me who couldn’t see it
all along

he kissed me in soft spots I didn’t know I had
angrily telling me he loved me
like it wasn’t written on every lean
curve of a smile, or touch

and he allowed me space to snap
to cry and mourn who I was
I could come overstimulated, tired and angry
but he’d slide a couple cookies my way
and tell me it was okay

cause everything really was okay

and I could tell the difference between his ‘i need space’ sigh and his ‘i need laughter’ sigh.
or just know when he needed to talk it through
over my head, around the table, and down on many, many sticky notes

Because he’d seen me on my best days and some of my worst nights
embracing all the pieces that add up to me
with an overflowing backpack
glasses adjustment
and clearing of throat

ready to love me in all the ways I didn’t know
quite existed

would you do it with me?
figuring out paint swatches for our first office
finding the mouse we’re sure didn’t slip past us
hiding the christmas presents and taking the first sip of milk
dancing around telling our parents
and hearing you say my name
would you hold my hand through it all
in the sunshine and pouring rain
would you learn every new phase
The shape of our daughters face
would you do it with me?
over and over again.