he saw me
7 years later
with natural curls
some uneven tan lines
and a smile that finally fit

we did not exchange words
but a little look
a glance of acknowledgement

his smile was the same
the same hollow around his eyes
just a new ring on his finger

and that little look
had us acknowledging both of us survived
but only one seemed to thrive

you missed out on the me who wears her heart on her sleeve
intentionally bare
Wrapping it in the fabrics of my sweater
so that it may stay there
you missed my sighs of pain
finding that healing is not one avenue
but literal blood sweat and tears
filling the cracks of the same stretch of miles
so there could be more space within me
you missed out on the best parts of me now
knowing why I love the crashes of waves and the whispers of surrender
but you once held the parts of me
that jumped unafraid, unknowing and mostly alone
but finally
Finally
she has been laid to rest.

maybe it was the pulling out my chair
or reaching out with a cookie in the middle of overstimulation
leaning into each other
like we have secrets only we can hear
to be loved
is to be known
and you’ve known me all my life

I could just as easily
see you with your hands around my waist
as you kept me company
while i made drinks for our friends
and i triple checked my math
and you took the one
I wasn’t sure about
and said it was lovely
because
you love me
as i laugh
and we both play pretend
and i’m making
what i will come to call, the—-

it was so wrong for so many reasons
digging our graves side by side
pretending like we were just making sandcastles
like they were the houses of our dreams
unaware
but really unwilling
to get out of the holes we dug ourselves
as the tide came in
because if we stood still
long enough
maybe the tide wouldn’t destroy it
this time
like all the times before

and in that moment
I realized I would
never be the one that got away
I was the one you got away with
taking the money
quite literally

and i in my brilliance
ran straight into a burning house
and sat down
waiting for it to burn around me

it’s funny how much
seems to go back to
crayons and little promises
she made to herself
without ever knowing
quite who she would turn out to be