my brain is buzzing but my thoughts are dull.
or rather i am numb to them.
i was fixed before but now im back to old habits.
it terrifies me that this habit could easily be the end of me.
at the same time it only gets worse from here.
but all i know right now is that i am so
so
tired.

i want to live and be a billion things like i am in my own imagination.
i guess im depressed because the real me cant be any of those things.
i am infected with meritocracy.