I am frustrated with myself.
Mainly because I know I can do so much better than what I am.
But there's always fear that holds me back.
Fear of messing up,
Of disappointment.
Of letting people down.
Of failing.
I can't let that happen.
I won't let that happen.

I've figured out what another one of my many problems.
I'm afraid, because I don't trust myself...

If I give you my heart
Will you protect it?

I am invisible.
I don't mind.
Really.
You'll see me one day.

You were here.
I was there too.
But I hid....

Why do I feel the need to cry my eyes out?

When you look at her,
I wish you were looking at me....

I beleive that I have become so numb to the pain that when I have a tidal wave of emotions coming at me...

I become afraid.
And I usually break down..

It's by blood,
And it's not..

But it's still family.

I am falling.
Down
  Down
    Down.
Can you help me?

Hate it when
You fall apart


Peice
By
Peice

Don't get frustrated with yourself,
Just keep trying.
And don't be afraid to try.
Remember that.

Now mind you, this is not something that you discuss around just anyone...
I am depressed. Not so bad that I have to take pills or see doctors.
But I can't shake this feeling that I'm not worth anything,
Or the one that tells me that all of this is just a lie.
Or even the one that tells me that people actually care about me...
That's why I'm depressed...

I still give you hugs,
and I still joke around.
But I know, and I know you know too,
That things are different between us.
And I hate that.
I wish things were the way they were...

Why do I feel so divided?
Inside my brain.
In my heart.
Why?

How can you be so blind?
          I'm standing right here...

Sometimes I wish
That some things in life
Are optional

I have given up
I can't.
No more.
*I can't

What is the meaning of life?
To be or not?

I wish you had seen me cry,
So you would know how much you hurt me.

I let it run my life.

What power do you have?
To make me feel this way?

Why have I fallen hard?
Even harder, in the time
We've been apart

Why do I run when I see you?
What can I not bear to face you?
What am I afraid of?

*How can I be afraid of you?

Why does it feel
Like I'm LOST...

Without you near?

Tell me something

Besides the lies

You always feed me.

The only way to get over you,
Is to have you out of my life forever.
But I don't want to forget you...

I'm sorry.

I don't like feeling like this.

I'm sorry.

Do you know what you do to me?
Do tell....

You left.
I became free.
Some may say
That's overrated..

*But who
Knows?

I thought you were my best friend.

*I thought wrong

Where were you when I needed you?
I don't know...

Sadly I still think of you.
After everything you've said to me,
I still think about you.
Why?

When I look in his eyes
I see all what I do
I see his soul
I see me.

When he speaks
It's like everything stops to listen.
You have to listen- no matter what

When he's actually serious
You know there's no going back.
He'll throw you a bone
You just have to be willing to go get it.

When he plays,
You can't help but feel intimidated
You can't breathe standing next to him
He is like a god

When he sings,
Oh, how my heart melts
Help me, I think I'm drowning.

he left an imprint
On my heart
On my soul
On mind

*if only I could tell him that

You finally set me free
I didn't realize it at first
But you did

Was this your intention?
Did you plan this out?
Waiting til I was ready?
Then just disappearing?

Could I have at least known  
Was it a surprise?

How was I supposed to know??

How can you just up and leave us?
Leave me?

This was supposed to be me thanking you
For leaving
But know I'm not so sure...

It's it for the best?
For you maybe..
For the the rest of us? Perhaps
For me??

Only time will tell...

Can't you see?
I am smiling.
But I'm still broken

To him,
Who understands me perfectly.

I love you.
And am falling every time we touch.

I wish you could see that.

Be my saving grace?

I have pain.
Don't think I don't.
I do.

I just don't show it...