i light a candle
i pick at my nails
i fish the eyelash out of my eye
without hesitation
a car bouncing music blares by
i pick at my teeth
i look around
i look at the snake
at the fish
at the upturned bottle of tea
at the plate of crumbs out of the corner of my eye
at the keys
at the door
i cross my legs
the joints lock up
i uncross my legs
i ignore my cat who has jumped on me and obscures my vision
i lay back
i gather my thoughts though they are like smoke
i breathe for a while
i lose my train of thought and i do not mourn its passing
this is my calling
this life is mine
i will keep it

I told him things I would never tell anyone else
I come down and realize what I've done
And I am not ashamed
My eyes refocus
The words are still there

He said it over and over again
And he told me to say it
And I did
And I said it again

I came down and the ashes were still there
staring at me from last night
And I'm still shaken from last night
My fingers fly as they flew last night

He's not meant to make me feel like this
No one can know he makes me feel like this

We're on balconies
back towards me
our dramatists
their novelty
higher and higher
following the birds


ghost doll mosquitoes
we worry
it was a big mosquito
we'll hide away in our bed and pray to god it doesn't come back

Today was a sadder day
The sun will be out tomorrow like always
The lights will be on and the puppets out
and about, hanging from the rafters of
their shining theater
You'll realize there's no such thing as magic
And a week will go by and you'll have
forgotten, you blind beautiful creature
We'll be there nonetheless
Because I love you
Because I want you
The angel and the devil agree
The angel heard you laugh and wanted
to keep you laughing
The devil heard you laugh and wanted
to make you moan
And that was something we wanted, both

does it say nothing to you that i want you in every state of mind i've been in?

i am the bronchitis afflicted
memory washed rogue that
spills across the streets like
tears of laughter

i am the screen breathing
hand trembling sweat bleeding
souls of heaven
eyes skyward

i am the all striped all checkered
all wooden apologies
smiles of understanding
leers of worry
tears of laughter

i am the all aching all breathing all shuddering all fire all water
all WATER
all fog
all cold
all alone
ALL JOY

The wind is getting in but not out. we know this because we see the curtain rise
we love our mismatched furniture
we love our scraggly hair
we love our couch with the cigarette burn in the second cushion from the right
and our ever constant stream of dishes that we wash ourselves to make our room mate smile
we love our valentine's day door hanger
we love our nonfunctional bicycle
we love our half eaten box of cookies
and our overfull incense burner
and making puns about our incense burner
we love our phonebook that we found by the door today
we love our friends
we are joyful his day

I love I love I love

It courses thorough me faster
Than a pulse
My default hunger
Surges
A calm hot force rocks me.
We swing through the hours
Feeling weighed down by green gelatin
But breathing is the easiest thing
In the world now
No pain, never
Only peace and the tide and the fire blooming
I can't grasp loneliness
I'm friends with myself now
And I'll curl up tonight and I won't feel alone
And I'll be just fine
I'll topple into sleep and
Wake without wisps of dreams clinging to my fingers
It's mystorical!
There's no earth to crash into so I'll fall as fast as I please
And there's no fear
And there's
no pain, never
Only peace and the tide and the fire blossoming