layer upon layer
I dug myself
a deeper
place to rest....
what's on the other side?
what's greener there?
can I make it through  
with
internal doubt
& rage which
push into me
spiraling
& dancing
into a red lit lounge
with your maggot brain
& passing rocks
between our tongues?
you saw my skin
& porcelain fate
all in my sentence
& then you smashed my
youth to smithereens
on the corner of your bed frame
while I learned
to fly into the night
on the
wings of moths ...
early November enveloping me
in gentle decay
& landing on your
doorway
hands clasped together
prayers & stutters
and cucumber *****
& leaving all sanity
at your front door
holding in my pocket
a shard of yesterday
just to get me through
to make me remember
that this is all
a temporary resting
place
& I can cut out of here
sooner than I let this
place slowly cut into me
& take away who I am
I am not you,
you are not me &
I'll never be what you want
& all these ways
that aren't my being
these faces, these stares
these costumes
I was meant for so much more
I was meant to be seen
in full
& not in small detail.
Take me out from under your lens,
maybe stop burning holes
into a person who just tried to love
another
I know how to plug up my own mishaps
I know how to
yes, I know how to..

left you at the revolving door
& there I go
I tell my legs
to ***
I tell my eyes not to
look behind
but I'm always
seeing you through the glass
regardless
just a wing span
away
I close my eyes
& see you
in a revolving door
so
every time I look in the mirror
I ask myself, "should I buy
the plane ticket?"
I know this should be my
own personal revolution
to change
to forget
but,
I find you
everywhere
& I keep
revolving round you
begging for some sort of
warmth from you
that you shouldn't give
like you're the sun
in a galaxy
I'm encircling
in error.

I’ll always remember that last time with you.
I wore my black fur coat,
the “Russian one”
& we held hands together at 7:00 AM.

We stood in the middle of the street to kiss.
There was no one in sight.
We held up, only,
The traffic in our hearts,

Just to watch the dawn that came upon us.

Assumptions the kamikaze
Through my brain
Target . Reality
Perceived as threat
Heaven forbid
You see yourself
Safe Among the clouds for once.

Lips locked around the world
I speak and I'm never
Sad with you
If I stare at you, you'll see the lights
Inside my head
flicker off & on
Like a sunrise & sunset sped up
For there's no fluorescent falsity in
The way I look at you
A million flowers bloom
And sentences pull the trigger on
The way this happiness hits me & bang
I'm sweetly wounded
Plugged up with a million shots
I took
to lay here in your arms
& I wouldn't trade this place for
Any other certainty.

Drown it out
Hold the stop light under water
Tell me where’s the right path
To let go and unravel
I’ve been spinning in these hexagonal patterns
A pantomime of him, but I’m free rangin as I will like a leash I can’t let go of ..