I ran into a ghost today
And by ghost, I mean a person from my past
And by person from my past, I mean an old friend, who I really used to care about.
And by ran into I mean we passed each other in the hallway,
we looked up then looked away then looked back one more time, realizing at this point we couldn’t pretend we didn’t see each other.

He was so kind and he was so gentle
and I was so scared, I tried to run away
yet at the same time all I wanted in that moment was to stay and talk to him.  
We hardly said five words,
then he pretended to be meeting a friend
and I pretended I was late for class,
though in actuality my class didn’t start for forty-five more minutes.
I ran down the hall and sat in the corner alone, hating myself for not being able to ask one simple question.
“how are you?”
“how’s your family?”
“Are you happy?”
Cause all I ever wanted was for you to be happy.
I know it didn’t seem that way
But I was selfish, and you were young and I was young.
And then the anxiety came on and my chest started to hurt and the feeling reminded me of why I don’t make friends anymore.

Then the teacher showed up and asked me if I was okay.
And the pounding turned to aching,
that simmered into a dull pain.
I smiled and said yes.
He said that I wore my emotions on my face.
And I laughed and said thank you.

Then I went on with my day.
But the aching Is still there,
It will probably never leave.

You are like a nightmare,
a bad memory.
You creep into my mind unnecessarily.
You seep into the cracks of my old soul,
and embed yourself into my melancholy.
They say you're just a broken person,
But you are poison,
The perfect muse for my poetry.

"we all have demons. "
"how bad are yours?"
" mine aren't bad. they're just... loud."

No, I am not religous.
I do not believe in these cults that tell you to conform to their ways or be punished for all of eternity.

But I am also not an ******* who would put down peoples Gods that save them from this life and keep them holding on.
Believing that there might be a speck of light, that at the end of all of this madness and pain.
That they may get rewarded in the end for being as good as they possibly can.

Cause lets not lie, demons are real.
There was no imaginary friends when we were children. 
 They were the reflections of our inner selves that we did not know were us.
Doesn't that explain why we always blamed them when we did something wrong?
They're still there, we just choose to ignore them now.

When I finally leave this world,
I'll be excited about who I see.
If it's God or Zeus or Satan or Buddha,
it won't make a difference to me.
And if I end up in an endless abyss,
I'll giggle over the fact that we worried so much about it.

"shut your mouths!" is all i hear "shut your mouths you hypocrites!"
the words come spewing out from the hypocrites themselves.

I am poison.
I always think I'm saving you
but I just make you feel incompetent

They don't like me, they don't like you with me.
it's always been this way

i am poison.
i'll try to run away
but you always catch me.
you love me to love you. you like the pain.

Don't leave me,
I swear I won't be able to stand it
there are days when it feel like ***** is filling my lungs
and I am stupid enough to try and take another sip.

You're not just the sun,
You're the whole ******* universe.
I look at you and see galaxies, milky ways and star dust.
Yet I feel like the tiniest little falling star that's ready to burst.

Your laugh that you say is "so annoying"
is like orchestra music to me;
when the violin and cello  intertwine
it's the most divine sound I could ever hear;
every hair on my body stands up
and in that moment I  just kind of, fall in love.

Like that smile, oh that smile.
The way you crinkle your nose,
When you make me laugh like a child
and that tiny little he-he that you giggle back to me.

when you walk away to spend eight hours a day
slaving away to make food for people you don't even know
with people you don't even like.

I just want to throw my arms around you and pull you back,
say, " no. lets go take a nap"
I'll pet your hair and scratch your back.

I love to listen to the stories you tell me
the more I know, the more I become intrigued
I'm infatuated with you, who is so fascinating.

I know I am difficult.
you don't have to pretend like I'm not
instead of telling you that i'm struggling
I sit silently and let myself drown
and I know that I'm pulling you down to,
that's one thing I never want to do

cause without you, where I'd be
is a place where I don't think I could even call myself me.

It ***** that I'm needy,
and i'm sorry I'm so clingy
I'm not use to missing someone next to me when I sleep.
wanting to wake up to see your face
knowing that I can go on with my day.
my lungs won't be filled up
and for awhile I'll be able to smile
not wanting to drown out the pain with sleep or drugs.

Cause I dream about your eyes and I see galaxies
I think about your laugh and I hear music

"Beauuutiful"   ( you always say)
yes you are.      ( I always think)