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 Oct 2013 CA
EJ Aghassi
nightmares
 Oct 2013 CA
EJ Aghassi
far from sleep
i feel it now

the blind reach
the forced tender hand
stroking my hair

making me feel
like you cared

that arch in you brow
the way you
looked completely
through me
cut
to the core
and how it sent
feral waves down my spine

those oceans
i saw me swimming in

without feeling
automatic
planned out
exactly how
they told you to

your smooth
skin

painfully perfect

and the way
it curved
so seamlessly
as

your feet floated
barely gracing the earth

the scent
the odor
whatever you
want to call it
that
awoke
the primal instinct

and how
i so desperately
yearned for your
lips

both sets

oh, the horror
the absolute horror

heaven
in hell on earth

i've slipped

i'm so drunk i've slipped

i drank so much
i accidentally miss you
 Oct 2013 CA
maybella snow
cracked cups
stained sheets
peeling paint
haunted house
broken back
lustful lungs
strangled screams
healing heart
 Sep 2013 CA
Madeleine V H
Candle
 Sep 2013 CA
Madeleine V H
Tell me I light the candle in your room that scares away the ghosts
and tell me my promises mean as much to you as the word of your father has.
Just tell me I am enough to keep you present
despite all that we're being forced to overcome.
 Sep 2013 CA
Kat
You came, to find me
Covered in blood and sinking
Into oceans of *****
I don't know what I was thinking

But I suppose you can't be lost
When you have no where to go
So I built myself a home
A snow white castle, made of blow

And I still go there sometimes
Just to see my deadbeat father
But he doesn't give a ****
So I'm not sure why I bother

I could be the queen of hearts
That players search the deck for
Or I could just be yours
And I want that so much more

I'll fall asleep in your arms
Until there's no more nights
And I'll love you through the sunshine
Even after all our fights

We can build our own castle
To get us through the worst
And I can save you, love
But I need you to save me first
 Sep 2013 CA
raiindrops
Full places
2. Having to answer the phone
3. When the teacher says "find a partner"
5. The deep, nervous and bad feeling in my throat when I'm outside
6. Ordering at restaurants
7. Not being able to smile back at people so I look down and smile at the ground like an idiot
8. Am I breathing too loudly?
9. When I feel confident about going somewhere, but the closer I get, the more nervous+sick I feel
10. Trying to talk to someone in a group of people, but I don't because I'm afraid I will look ridiculous
12. When someone doesn't text back. So up convince myself that they don't like me
13. Not being able to eat in front of anyone
14. When I'm going to bed+all of a sudden my mind filled with thoughts of things that could go wrong the next day
15. Walking with my eyes fixed on the floor so I avoid eye contact with other people
16. The never ending fear that the teacher will force me to speak or do something in front of the whole class
17. Not reading loud in class because everyone stares and hears how nervous am I
18. Hearing people laugh behind me so I'm assuming its at me
19. Waiting rooms
20. When the teacher calls on me go answer something during class
21. When I can't walk in the hallways at school because I feel like everyone is judging me
22. When the teacher says "if you don't start raising your hands, I'm going to have to call on random people
24. Having great conversations with someone over text,but being afraid to hang out with them because I think they won't like me in person
25. Attempting to say "hello" back when someone suddenly greets me and end up just looking to the person without the ability to talk
26. Constantly feeling like I'm going to throw up
27. Playing out conversations in my head before meeting people
28. Leaving the house
29. Eye contact
30. Walking on my own and feeling like everyone is watching me
31. Not knowing what to do with my hands when I talk to people
32. When the teacher is taking the register in alphabetical order and I know my name is coming up
33. Thinking everyone in the room is talking about me
34. Holding in coughs in class so I don't draw attention to myself
35. Checking my phone because I don't know what to do with my hands
36. Knowing the answer to the teachers question but being terrified to raise my hand and draw attention to myself
37. Constantly feeling like the pressure is on me to start conversations
38. Feeling like everything is my fault
39. Being scared of not being able to get out of a room full of people
40. Being scared of sitting next to a stranger
41. Being afraid of seeing someone I know
42. Getting anxiety during lunch, so I feel sick and I don't eat, which makes me more anxious cause people will judge me for not eating
43. Being scared to go anywhere in case I have a panic attack
44. Not eating in school
45. Entering class late
46. Avoiding crowded events
47. May having a panic attack in school
Once upon a time
I took the heart out of my chest.
I put it in a wooden box
Where it would lay to rest.
I buried down in the earth,
as far as I could dig.
X didn't even mark the spot
so I could always keep it hid.
It wasn't really strangers
who I didn't want to find.
I was more worried about myself
and the pictures in my mind.

I have been walking in this world
for a million years it seems.
Not filled with blood, or love, or trust,
or a heart that used to beat.
I spend most of my time crying,
tsunami waves of tears.
I gladly walk into the ocean,
because I have nothing to fear.
And even as the years passed,
and I searched for my chest,
I couldn't remember where I'd placed it,
finally laying it to rest.

It can be quite frustrating,
if I think I may come to love.
But I quietly remind myself
of all the things you'd done.
I wish to have my heart back,
before I'd known your name.
But instead it's good and buried,
and it's better off that way.
I have never seen someone so broken
until I looked in the mirror tonight.
After spending an hour driving
a hundred miles per hour in my car.
Up and down the free ways,
crying so hard, I couldn't even see.
I hate the way you make me,
storming out of the house,
calling me every name in the book.
Grabbing your keys,
car scraping across the pavement as you drive off.
Are you crazy??
You could have killed someone,
or gotten killed yourself.
I could have been killed..

I wanted to be

I spent the whole time fantasizing
about slamming my car into the guard rail.
Or blowing a red light.
I fantasized about you sobering up,
and realizing that you're the one that killed me.
I wanted you to feel pain.
Pain like you've caused me.
Because you died.
About a year ago.
I don't even know who you are anymore.
All I know,
is that you cause me pain.
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