This monotonous life
A ringing in my ears
As consciousness drags me through all of these years
This monotonous life
This never-changing frown
A life that refuses to turn upside down
Light me on fire
Set me aflame
For this monotonous life
Is driving me insane

I swear one day I'll die
Drowning in tears
And I'll look up from hell
On all of those years
Those years that I hated
I hated my self
Those years that I waited
With my *** on a shelf
I waited for you
I waited for me
I waited to die
And I waited to see
What lurks in the shadows
What dances six feet under
What causes the rain
And the lightning and thunder
Maybe I'll die
Drowning in laughter
And I'll look back from heaven
On a happy ever after

The way you kissed me,
Deep isn't the woods...

It made me feel dizzy.

I was flying,
Crying,
Dying.
Because you stopped.


*I never wanted it to end.

Never again will I stay away.

I've always felt lost. Unaccepted.
But that was before I had a family.
I have so many people that I know and don't;
You are my family.

My mother, my father, my brother.
They aren't real.
They never treated me like family.
Never told me they loved me and
Sounded like they meant it.
They are not real.


But, Sage, my love, you are.
But, Caitlyn, you are.
But, Logan, you are. (Both of you)
But, Miranda, you are.
But, Connor, you are.
And I can go on.

And this is high school...
Will it last?

Or will my family leave me?

I continue to worry
As time passes.

I think and think and think
AND I CAN'T FUCKINGNG TAKE IT ANY LONGER!!!!
----


I wonder what will happen.
When all of this ends.
Because my real family are
The ones who kept me here
And kept me sane.

And let me reach past everything that
Ate at me,
Burned me,
Killed me slowly
And rotted me from the inside out.

What will happen.

Will I move on,
Or will the suspense keep building.

Sit me down at the bar
I'll take a Jacks on the Rocks
I need it strong
Stronger than you've ever made it
So make it a tall glass
I'll be here for a while

Hey bartender pour me another
Let me tell you why I'm here
I walked out of a church
I was suppose to get married today
She's a beautiful women
Smart, ****, Sensitive
Couldn't ask for a better woman
I walked out because I'm not marriage material
I wasn't meant to be a husband
Not to someone as incredible as her
She deserves a man
Aiming, truly willing to be by her side
Through the thick and sick days
I'm leaving to go to war
For a country that turns their back
On the men and women sacrificing
The things and people they love

Hey bartender
I'm going to need another
This buzz isn't strong enough
***** it put a little Jose Cuervo
He'll spice this buzz up

See bartender I may be a stupid man
But I know what's worth fighting for
She is worth every bomb exploding
Every soul my AR15 takes
I'll be the grim reaper in any country
As long as I know she is truly safe
I guess I should attend my wedding
The same way I'll attend my brothers funeral
Filled with sorrow and love
Another son is going to war
With a bottle and for a woman
A son that might never come home
The way she wants me too

Final words echo
Bouncing off the walls
Rubber ball words beating eardrums
Crowd stands in awe
Applause roars from the cricket filled room
The end
It finally came
Here I stand
Taking my final bow
This old hand finally ran dry
This heart shrunk
Deleted the room for love
No more emotions
The end
Where everything just stops
Time to draw
Made friends
I thank you all
Reading, liking, complimenting
Even the worst of my work
So I take this final bow
Bid you all farewell
I look forward to reading your work
If I ever find the strength
To pick up the pen
Here my words shall fall


The End

The blade centimeters deep
Kissing the veins I tried to hold together
Don't ask me how I knew
But I know the thoughts are there
Please run from them
Run towards me
Hide in my arms
Bury your fears in my chest
Suffocate the tears with my cologne
I'm here never far
The pillows and blankets
Fortress in your room
Lay down on my back
Let me carry you through the night
Legs can grow weak
As the tyranny of the voices
Burdens them with screams
Never will they collapse
I'll drag us both
I won't let you fall
I'll love you
Even when you think nobody does
Don't ask me how I knew
But I know you think you're alone
I'm in the corner of your closet
Exactly where you threw me
The last time we fought
I'm made of stuffing
But I still bleed
Look at the stains I wear
Dressed for a funeral
Hoping it's not yours
Don't ask me how I knew
I'll just reply
It was the few times we did speak
That told me
You think you're alone

I don't love him
He's just a friend
But to him I might be more
His drunken words released secrets
Secrets I didn't want to know
And when I was drunk I made sure I kept them in
Because I don't know what would come out
If I let myself speak truthfully

I think I would have asked him if he likes me
If he thinks I'm pretty
I would ask why he only kisses me when he's drunk
And I would tell him that I read his poem

And that I feel that same warmth when we kissed
And that I could have stayed out all night too
And that it was like you were someone else
I know I made you feel like someone else
Because that night you weren't a player
Or a cheater
Or a liar
You were gentle
And you were special
And you were kind

All I did was release you
Everything buried deep inside was released
With my lips and with my smile
I found your weakness

So maybe next time were both drunk
I'll tell you I read your poem
And I'll tell you I wrote a poem back

I fell in love with a wicked woman.
Her eyes smoldered black, and her heart burned twice as hot.
I showed her compassion and she showed me the door.
Her hair an inferno, her words scalded the skin.
A searing touch and  boiling smile, she dragged me down to ashes.
When the wind carried me away, I saw her charred soul,
and I let her burn alone.