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 Jun 2013 Kaila Wenker
CRH
"It's over," you insist.
But we're not really finished yet-
Darling, you are my last cigarette...
Well, maybe just one more...
 Jun 2013 Kaila Wenker
ian jonsan
do i love her?
no.

her eyes,
as deep as the ocean
as vibrant as the light
a hint of sadness
i just want her to be alright.

do i love her?
maybe.

her smile,
is covered in braces
that are as blue as her eyes.
i can see right through
her smiling lies.

do i love her?
i do.

her,
she smells perfect like flowers,
i could kiss those perfect lips,
for hours.
her beautiful laugh,
fills the room with joy.
she's perfectly terrible at math,
i get to help her.

do i love her?
i must.
What could be more disheartening
than to fail those close to you
And to thus fail yourself-- watching success depart

No goal, no ambition
No passion, no itchin'
I know not who I am, to I
to others' outside my mind's eye
No longer a longing.

A world outside
One separate in

If they do  not care

why should I
Watch out, the stove is hot.
White iron teeth that will bite your tongue,
split chapped lips,
then eat salt and vinegar crisps.

Sharp streaks of nerves,
grinning with missing incisors
drip in lines down your chin
of green and brown copper.

If I had a fish pond
to throw these dimes into,
I would never have to know
where they came from,
why they didn't fall out of
my coat with the turned up collar.

Unwashed wool wraps and rots
round warped shoulders,
gnarling strained fingers
between ball and socket joints.

Fussy tea cakes and strands of hair
relinquished to the wind
hobble up and down outdoor train stations,
old-fashioned floral prints swept aside,
a puppet show of sickly chicken legs
pocked, potholed and pickpocketed.

Lost in the war, between couch cushions,
baked into blackberry crumble
in go egg whites, out come memories
of snow that tightroped power lines,
good dogs that stayed,
coauthors of the oxford english dictionary.

Badly rolled cigarette smoke in the streets
writes gregorian poetry for darned socks
snagged on shoddy repair jobs,
splintered wooden bones.
Pour yourself a stiffer drink,
it’s going to be a gangrenous winter.
I am dying to know
If the way your fingers swept through mine
Was simply an accident
Or if you meant something by it
Is the way I catch you staring at me
Something I make up in my head
Because I want you to be staring at me
I sit here waiting for you to say something
Well why don’t I?
I am nervous
I am shy
I am just a simple guy
Could you love me?
I ‘ll never know unless I try
Move past my insecurities
Build up some confidence
And let my feelings float freely
Because every time we separate
And I still call you ‘just a friend’
It kills me
 May 2013 Kaila Wenker
chels
Sea
 May 2013 Kaila Wenker
chels
Sea
I am sorry that I
           pulled
                      and
                            pulled
u­ntil it hurt to move your feet apart anything more than six inches

I am sorry that I pulled you in
only to push you away
and leave you
with a knot in your stomach the size of
                                                                ­           canada
I did not mean to pull your stitches out and
open a glass case full of ghosts and
leave the sugar crystals stuck between your teeth I am
not who you thought I was I am
moonshine
under
moon shine and I am
a trigger warning I am a
trigger warning
trigger
warning
Don't forget about me
 May 2013 Kaila Wenker
chels
pick my brain and blame me
blame me

do not tell me anything
because i will overthink it
to the point where i think i took a breath at the wrong time

i am the worst nightmare
of every child who has parents that fight in front of them
i smell like campfire smoke and regret
dark basements with tiny bathrooms
full of regret

i am night
i am night
i am the past coming back to haunt you i am
broken fingernails and pulled hair and i am
searching
waiting
i am waiting for you to be alone so i can
pick your brains and i am
god i am god
i am god
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