I saw you
You looked as beautiful as usual
Draped in grey, it hugging your every curve
and covering your face
Only seeing your evergreen eyes when you kiss the tree line
and spread yourself on the ocean bed
Waiting for me to lie down and look at the moon on on a silver chain around your neck

I love you
I always will look at you like it was the first time
You had a heart that I once saw
and he poisoned you and you are slowly dying
I can see you getting worse you've lost the light in your eyes,
you're the vacancy sign that I identify by

I take solace in you
I used to at least, just like you I am getting worse
You are equally codependent
but you traded me for him
You let someone in
You let someone in
but you never told him our secrets did you?
That was why he never understood what we have
You were the bandage that clotted my bleed, but now you're the exit sign behind my picture frame

The only comfort I have is that he'll never love you as much as I do

But he cant hold you either

the grass is wet
so are between her thighs
but im more afraid of going down in wet grass

The way i look at you

I look at you like the roaring fire that we sat together by whispering the tune of the prison we subject ourselves to because that was when i felt every bit of your rare smile projected onto my skin
I look at you like I look at the night sky that we looked up at that one night when you told me you might never come back because looking at you makes me feel a little bit nostalgic in the best way i can muster to interpret you
I look at you the way i look at the waves crashing on the rocks because you bring so much chaos to my fingers when i type out that response to a one word text at 11:57 on a monday night
I look at you like I'm looking at the wooden paneled lodge i survive on because i linger off of every syllable you don't say like i linger off of every moment i don't spend in that room with you on the moon
I look at you like I look at the view from the boat when arriving each morning because i dissect every word that slips from your tongue like I dissect every detail of that island etching it into my brain the way i scrawled every detail of you into my mind, your rough hands, your tanned back, your blue eyes, and the curve of your lips, your coffee order, your taped up converse, your sunglasses, just you
I look at you like you are where I want to be 24/7 because thats what you remind me of

otm.

Sometimes
I wonder what you’d say
Would you walk away
and let me follow in your wake
laughing about the feeling of your
rain that kisses the curves of your tan softened face the way I wish I could,
the very rain that seeps into the laugh lines of your eyes, the rain pools that cut outs of your smile
would you let me linger in the decadence of your sarcasm
would you let me sit next to you while you laugh
In that way you lazy way you do
when you
lay back against the wooden
bench
Or would you hold me close,
close enough to smell your aftershave
and let me see your broken nails
and torn calluses
close enough to feel your stubble on my cheek and feel your breath on my jaw
close enough to put my hands around your back and feel the scars that reside just out of my reach
Would you let me avoid telling
the truth to myself and shut me
up like a gull at night, so peaceful until it reaches the peak where night is no longer dark, and suddenly a cacophony of  screeching worse than the alarms on the traditional alarm clock
or would you let me fall
onto an open-ended, double edged
question
sharper than a thumbtack and twice as rusty
Do I even have the courage to tell
you?
Or am I a molotav cocktail
and waiting until smashed to
crash and burn
Would you even let me open my
metal mouth and let my tongue
carve waves into your soul and tear you up
so you feel half as bad as i do
alone.
Would you let me read your
texts?
and ask me why she was upset?
or would you even come near me
I open my mouth to tell you
“Hey! I need to say something!”
“Yeah?”
“Gimmie a hand?”
You said okay.
that wasnt what I wanted to ask
but
You said okay
and smiled
like an empty glass of expired wine.

Fingertips
Run across the length
The fibers seem to rise to meet
The nerve endings that send the message
To my brain
These words were meant to remain hidden
Within the folds
College ruled bars
Keep the words in
Safe within the creases