A Nightmare*

In my dreams I am the melting man.
Through tinted glass I am without senses.
With eyes that feel the sting of sight and fever of hearing,
I am allowed into the killing ground.

I followed my friendliest faces through some foggy
thick soup that does tickle my eyes
and vex them to lower.

Up again to this lonely temple
Where so many familiarities touch the ground and
my vessel with fatal hands.

First kiss and polystyrene men;
synthetic and terrifying.

Where have I seen you before?-

December 11th
Close your eyes.-

Here we are again.
there are sweats all over
i have been here so many times before and i sweat and cry

the killing grounds
dear mother, take me home, i sweat and cry for i have come here again
take me away? where have you gone?
the killing grounds

the pile of death
hopeless death that is violent and
my poor fragile eyes sweat and cry and
drip away

see those empty faces
of first kiss and polystyrene man
i reach for mothers hand
but i must linger in the mess of filth

December 11
please let me leave

i am losing
skin falls in drips
like cream or paint
and i must join the filth

no crying may save me.

Introverted.
The doctor says I'm broken.
Possible to not have a ******?
Guess it never developed.
Like my sense of humour.
Ha ha.
I guess I won't share my horror stories.
No babies in my stomach.
No child with matching hazel eyes.
Making things even more complicated.
Forced to be celibate by my body.
Doctor appointments needed.
Glad I never tried.
It would have hurt that much more.
Dysfunctional is an understatement.
I can't provide anything,
But my mind.
And even I don't want that.

Brazen collarbones
Alabaster dream
Jutting out like little wings
Pouty grin
Ready to fire quicker
Than any takers
Girl, you sit there,
And I can tell
You want to watch
Men burn

No please,
Don't touch me
Not with your hands
And not with your eyes
I've practiced
Sitting in my rooms
For hours
Imagining that I could take it
To have someone
Touch my arm
Or brush their hand
Against my cheek
It makes me shiver
My blood run cold
At the possibility
Of it turning black
And poisoning everything

inhaling the ocean breeze and feeling it empty my lungs makes me feel completely intact

i can taste the salt in its entirety on my tongue and i try to scrape it all off with my front teeth

i feel the waves roaring over my heart, liberating it from veins and its arteries, the sea filling the orifices of my organs

the shores stones crowd at my toes and break my skin, but i am cleansed

i stride into the water and it seeps into my nostrils and my intellect becomes infiltrated by the sea, my lungs are suffocated by the wet

and i am completely intact

I look up at the night sky,
wondering what it's like to fly.

To stare down at the city lights,
to finally reach my soaring sights.

In my dream you were there,
but you dont speak you only stare.

Your eyes will tell me what you feel,
let's leave this dream and make it real.

Life may be changing but we'll always have the past,
kiss her as if each kiss will be the last.

putting words out there
just to get them down
to expand the pressure, the energy
that's beating me down

trying
to find
a rhyme

to fill a space
to fill a line

anything to be more mine

to move myself forward
to hold myself back

to make
the thing
that was what i lacked

words
words
words

for better
for worse

for me
for mine

like the need to exhale
or sneeze
or scratch

my words
are the me
that makes me
a match

sparking
fizzling
dimming
and dark

my words
are the fire
that leaves me
a mark

Hold on
you can't take that
it's mine
now that ones yours
Now you know better
Rip
It's worthless now
close the door
from behind this now I see
nothing belongs to you
And nothing belongs to me

Kiss me and tell me,
Everything will be ok,
That leaving you on this platform,
Won't be my biggest mistake.

Its not a choice but a sentence I must pay.
Life carries on without your face,
School and studies await me each day,
I could give it all up just to be with you,
You tell me no that's the wrong thing to do,
But how am I to know when I love you so.

Kiss me and tell me,
Everything is  going to be ok,
That we won't grow apart while I walk away,
This train moves to fast for me,
My panic sets in,
My heart is screaming please stop this train.

The night sky is filled with the stars above,
Not a wish I could make to turn this around.
My heart is heavy, my stomach is sick,
You slowly fade away as the train pulls away.

When will I see you?
A week, a month, a couple of days?.
Just kiss me and tell me,
Everything will be ok.