I walk through the hallways at school, and I feel invisible. no one says hi, hello, or goodmorning.. then you came along, and I was blinded. blinded with love.

Red; the blood on her wrist
Orange; the empty bottle of pills
Yellow; the pipe to ease the pain
Green; her eyes filled with tears
Blue; her lips that lost color
Purple; the bruises on her body
Grey; the razors she never flushed
Black; the pistol used to end it all

It's *****..
crying yourself to sleep,
wondering if it will all be okay.
it's wanting to be 6ft ground deep,
but  also wanting to live another day.

thinking to yourself if it's worth it,
asking yourself if you can make it.
it's the stinging on the first slit,
blood all over your sink, there's nowhere to sit.

the tears rolling down your face,
feeling so empty, and so much pain.
you clean up the mess, just in case,
you realize that you have nothing to gain...

it's the scary feeling you get wakening in the ER,
and  everything was just a blur.
then you realize death isn't the only cure...

it's not that I don't love you, it's the time my sister fell in love with a boy that was still seeing his ex. it's her throwing up, because she found out she was pregnant. it's the sound of her crying not knowing what to do..

it's not that I don't love you, it's the sounds of doors getting slammed in my face when I was 7,  because all my dad did was run away.

it's not that I don't love you, it's the feeling of love I never got because my dad left and choose his girlfriend and her daughter over my mom and I.

It's not that I don't love you, it's the boy that broke my heart, and took everything I had to offer him, with him.

it's not that I don't love you, it's the 22 hours I spent in the emergency room hoping my best friend will be okay, because the boy she thought loved her, didn't love her anymore. you can still see how much pain, just by looking into her eyes.

its not that I don't love you, it's all the blood, tears, yelling, and heartbreaks.
it's not that I don't love you, it's that I do..