He could tell something was different
Every time he looked at her
She was always changing
First her hair, color, cut, style
Fingernail polish
Then it was the look in her eyes
A faded, jaded comparison to the lighted jewel that use to shine
Voice inflections, tastes
He could tell she was moving on
How did he broach the subject?
Who could he confide in that would care
She stopped sleeping
Her once, monthly girl night turned into twice
Then every other night she needed their "support"
Walk in closet became a hallow mausoleum
Still smelled like his favorite perfume
Strange calls coming in past midnight
"Just my mom." she would say
Leaving their bedroom whispering softly into the phone
He could tell things would never be the same

I used to be close enough
To breathe you in...

Now I must settle for tasting you
On the wind.

Tangled and mangled
Earth's once pliable green skeleton
Is now just twisted cold steel bones
Reflecting our chemically induced ego trip
Into the heaven's judging eyes
I am no mechanic but I do engineer
We cannot go on like this forever
Crippling muscle and thoughts ability to bend
Until we can do naught but fracture and break
Where is the drawn line?
Must have used chalk
Must have washed away in one of those bailout floods
Politicians always have a boat waiting for them
Smacking civilian heads as they paddle along
But their blind eyes will not be shown mercy
From the ravaging wild fire they started
Only those of us who can swim will be safe

I feel the fuzzied heat of your wine laced breath through the miles

Hair on the back of my neck, aware, ripples goose flesh over sensitive skin

Fingertips itch to ease the ache in the knotted place between your smoke soaked lungs

Give me a chance...

We've got it all, you know?
That sparkle swirl pull me down to the deep underground
Love like this doesn't just wash away with a heavy rain
It sinks deep into my wet wet earth and takes root in my veins
Heavy.
The emptiness I am left with when you pull away
Silences every known too-close to the speaker concert I have every been to
More than I could count
But only one of you
I have reduced passed feelings to that of the draw of drugs, of poison
One even was the flutter of angel wings
Broke down the walls, stormed and raged until I was it's willing partner
That love left me drowning in the darkest night of my life
It went on and on and on and on and on and on...still going
Even on the sunniest of days there is that shadow framing it's corners
You have become the sun though, replaced artificial I-am-ok's
With I-am-having-the-time-of-my-life (s)
Laughter comes easy, smiles too and all because of the sweetest of you
I want to sew you up close
Never let you go
Psychedelic children womp womping our fragile neurons through a summer that is heavy with the heat of our kisses
Your name curves around the bow of my lips and settles in the dip of my dimples
Just a whisper of what it starts with can get me going
Revving me up through the afternoon until my palm is flush with yours once more
I love you.
When the sun comes up.
When the lights go out.
When the flames rage.
When the waves die down.
I love you.

We used to celebrate together
The occasion of our close births
Cause to throw one hell of a party
Now I must go alone in our revelry
The edges water colored with wistful wishing
That you were here to help blow out all of these candles
I miss you in every little way
Jeremiah, Happy Birthday

Lay me out half naked
Cells truly see-through show a different shade
When they sizzle
Soaking up the great Ra
Thirsty for Atum's kiss
Teasing the just-below-the-surface urge to start running
I'll pick up like my Romani ancestors
Follow the warmth that ensures
Tomorrow will be ever sunny
I may have been born mid-winter
But I hope I always crave the sea
Eyes frostbitten blue before turning to whiskey amber
Breaking free under full moon silver
Still dreaming of my mother's ocean
Knowing that it swells inside of me

First, what I thought was the only
Young. Eager. Stars in my eyes that shown just for you
Planets aligned along with bittersweet poetry
Bringing our moist, teenage palms together
Late in March of our senior year
Back seats of both cars steamed up
Pleasured cries that thought then "this is it"
Our laughter on late nights still stands out in stark relief against our subpar coupling
Although you had it in you
It was me that needed it in me

Life can be a tango, a rumba, a waltz
Meticulously choreographed to display all of our faults
Also too, our perfect lines do shine
Straight through the cosmos, into the divine
Steps sweep lightly, ethereal and grand
A new beat, branched path,where sure feet land
I've heard many a rhythm, carried many a tune
Yet none so melodic as the one played by you
Our moves are cohesive, playful and smooth
Dipping down into love, feeling this groove
You taught and I learned,many new things
The simplest has no clue of the comfort it brings
We are not the steps that we take
We are the music we make
We are not the fabric between seams
**We are bolts upon bolts, skeins upon skeins

I have been through many things
Not hardships, experiences really
That have left their wounds
Underneath my skin, between heartbeats
I am a patchwork of scars
Some deeper than others
Many still healing
Few that never will
At the end of the day I must pause
Take a deep breath and realize
No matter how much I bleed, hurt or cry
I will survive

I project iron, steel
Yet as I've grown older
I have become more like gold
Soft, malleable
Not yet familiar with my vulnerability
I seem to consistently find a way to let you wound
My door is always open
Perhaps I should lock it shut
Become a hermit for a time
Until you find a way to be more gentle

Let's go back*
Those drawn out mornings of soft light and even softer touches
Sparkling dust motes floating mid-air
A vision of perfection twisted in love drenched sheets
I could stay in bed all day
Just listening to you breathe

What "justice" is there in violent retaliation?
You, we, are not making any progress with ******
Goes for all sides
Families are left destroyed
Hearts ache
We wake tomorrow to do it all over again
With the idea that one more life may equal peace

Words seem regurgitated of late
This is not a place for healing
There is no welcome mat to wipe your so(u)le
Welling up with an emotion that feels very foreign
One I chose to not get on a first name basis with
Yet I hear it
Broooooook
Whispering across my flesh
Sewing it's shadow to my already heavy heart

Don't send me home crying
Tears in my eyes, wet face
Feeling lost on the long drive back
I would rather leave angry
With half moons dug into my palms
A plan forms to pull it all back together
I can handle rage

Feeling a little like a bruised peach
Still sweet. Still juicy.
But soon I'll make you gag on my decayed flesh
Repetitious onslaught of daily drudgery leaves me hollow, tender
Used
Dawn bleeds into twilight, another one bites the dusk
Left alone with my thoughts and the far away rooting of night creatures
The darkness is an engulfing cave
My rampant desire to create is a halocline
Salt water day dreams meshing smoothly with fresh water nightmares
Hard to distinguish between the two
I'm sad you are gone
Tears fell for your fall
I cannot strong arm you into a game of pong or light a smoke
But I can sing into the silence hoping the melody helps fill your void
Static is a constant background
I've never treaded water of this depth in some time
My arms getting tired, legs sore
I look to you for comfort and realize you are already sinking
Where's the point when I decide who to save
Or do I too slip below the surface?

Swimming amongst the stars tonight
Head drifting through the clouds
Memories of sun and summer
Kiss softly at my wintery edges
A small impatient smile widens
Into one of pure anticipation
I can almost smell the green of spring
Entwined with falling snow's perfume
I miss you
Whispered only for the ears of fireflies
Their minuscule heartbeats precious
Lighting up miles of darkness with their love
Inspiring us all to race into the woods
Igniting a wildfire of our own

I watch these documentaries
About East Of the Mississippi Legends
Like Popcorn Sutten and D Ray White
The sound of Hank III on lonesome guitar
Or perhaps the pleading pull of sad violin
A tear slips as I too remember
When I used to be Wild
Running barefoot through dew drenched grass
I want to breathe that air again
The air of the Wild
They live on through fan or family
Each has lit a fire
Some under copper stills
Others on the heals of mountain dancing shoes
Smoke continues to roll out from under those of us affected
Our eyes searching each rain for more of the same
Boone County is beautiful
Something  to write home about
All in one these  coal stripped mountains are a larger than life package
That will steal your very breath
Replacing it with back woods romance
Late night campfire stories
Not to mention the heady fragrance of Paw Paw perfume
I grew up nestled between the Appalachia
Lush valley of the Shenandoah
I thought I knew what mountains were

I was wrong.

Tender blossoms unfurl
Against a spring rain back drop
The forest is silent
To an untrained ear
A white tailed mother can hear a twig snap
Protecting her young from all harm
The finch can hear a cricket play
A filling breakfast for the quick to rise
Close your eyes...
The day slows, your lungs expand
In that space between heartbeats
*you can hear the leaves breathing

It has been long, this silence
Words pursed on lip edges that round with smiles instead of saying what needs to be said
Dust here, really
Drawing circles with found sticks that whisper stories of gusty gales and fruit that hung too heavy
Circles turn to cyphers that I use to channel this lack of thought
I need a taste, just one
Something sweet and sticky
Someone worthwhile and not too picky
For my standards lay between these stories and me

I don't know you like I used to
Dove grey haze settles
In the air, swirling slide shows between us
I catch moonlit glances of your fevered advances
Stretching the fine edge of breaking free
You shutter me
Soft light bubbles pop against the backdrop
A sudden urge to laugh rises
The heavy burden of loss carried deep
This surface isn't what it used to be
I am not the same old me

She wore South wind day dresses
Smiles wreathed in sunshine
Her scent that of wild poppies
For one inhale and you'll want her in bed

Not for sleeping of course

Clouds pass her by in winking layers
Catching glimpses of pearlescent flesh
As twilight falls
Rolling hips center stage
With silver glow of moonlight
Kissing every luscious curve

I once had the secret to letting go
Now I find it hard to slip my grip
Even oil-slicked let me downs
Impossibly stick fast to shaking fingertips

Winter has settled into caustic bones
Brittle, alkaline, unrepentant
Fine snowflakes layer a hybernating heart
Memories of summer long gone
An ebbing tide of loneliness recedes
Giving way to the numb after glow of acceptance
Sharp splinters of ice break through frost bitten skin
The illusion of warmth lulls to sleep aching thoughts
Each movement painful and creaking
Breaths becoming laborious
Eyelids heavy and lethargic finally close
Left to dreaming of the sun once more

We have to learn to love ourselves
Before knowing the love of the world
For when we say "I love you"
We should be saying "I hope I am loving you the way you want to be loved"*

Instead of focusing on being good enough
A very selfish view
We should pin point what makes us happy
The other's will surely follow soon
Down beaten paths that sing and dance
Across the patterns of the night
It's in this heat between you and me
Where we are building sacred light
I have never shied away from day
Nor held fast to rain so dear
All I feel is this burning flame
When your love shines pure and near

Sometimes a song will come on
I will catch the scent  of your cologne
Takes me back to a summer where I went wild
Letting my mouth run free in the breeze

I smiled only for you
Young veins brimming with life
Pounding heart racing beside you in the July darkness
Your bright stars dancing around my thoughts

We did not get along the way we thought we would
A tempest instead of a love storm
Broken, forlorn I continued on alone
I still remember that ache

I'm burning out, falling hard
A dark star aching for a piece
of memory
I never asked to be confined to blood and bone
Slitting wrists leak black space matter
Occluding desire and thought
Contorting, morphing through my crazed
imagination
Seeming blurry and tear filled through these eyes
Human. Mortal. Concrete.
Deity. Eternal. Without boundaries.
Dust settles between my toes
Rubble at my feet
Keep telling myself I'm ok
As I drown myself in moon's long dead oceans
I'm ok
Tripping off into the space in between spaces
Mind constantly adrift

Let us whisper into the coming darkness
Full moon tonight spreading out consciousness
They say it can drive a sane man mad
I feel it's weighted pull against my thoughts
Pearlescent glow outlines the heated relief of your skin
As calloused fingertips ring giggles from the edges of mine
We play, you say, like children
Wrestling with pillows, our inhibitions
Until there is nothing left but heartbeats and feathers
Crowding around us as witnesses to completion
*I hope we will always be this close

Helium balloons smell strange
Lending a birthday clown like quality to the sterile state of hospital rooms
My feet hurt from running fluorescent hallways
Your gown was never tied right
Even after you slipped away
Down in the morgue, cold, laying in wait
While I cry myself into exhaustion amongst your death soiled bedding
Still smelling like sickness and you

My windows point East
The first touch of soft light
Heavy darkness
Caressing me while still ******
Mist sways in ghost like swirls
Across the scythed field edging the yard
               I am thankful
Deer play, eating the harvest lost by machine
Tie dye Tuesday with assorted colors
Stains on cement
Waiting
A robin's nest squatters are ready for flight
New wings shake nervous feathers
                I am healing
As the leaves unfurl
Warm breezes skate through every crack
Soaking up the sun with sable pelt
Side by side
Both hearts radiating love
Her gentle purrs reassuring
All is well
Summer reinforcing my frame
                 *I am

Leaning against the rough bark of a mangrove
Piercing sunlight grinding into the tender layers of my eyelids
For sleep I would walk miles to darkness
Headed down a rabbit hole journey
Stars twinkling above the gazing set of my road weary eyes
A sea of diamonds lighting my way home
Pulsing vibrations connect me to the heart of the great mother
Her eternal intensity feeding our spirit
An ever spark of life
Omitted by a cosmic lotus bud
Constantly blooming bright and full
Reflecting our force of will in each heavy, buzzing cell
I want to be in the core, know it all
Not enough room inside this compact skull
Must expand, must evolve , escaping the tight confines of physical experience
My minds eye all encompassing in terrifying capacity
Engorge.
Saturated with the very idea of light
Too theoretically complex to keep a hold of
Sifting and drifting through corporeal fingertips, grasping
Wandering stardust vagabonds, becoming unattainable
Creating instead tiny flames inside my head

Your words to me are like music
Singing through my flesh with savage pounding intensity
Machine gun metal grating against dead nerves
Making me feel
Bringing me alive
Opening my eyes
To all the rotting visceral pain of the world
You consume me 
Twisting turning yearning and burning thoughts
Broken.
Weak and open to the heated weight of your gaze
I sway into the bass line
Entranced
Veins bloated, full of liquid want 
Racing wild through my senses
Come closer with those playing fingers
I want to feel you 
Feeling me heavy with saturated desire
Igniting the night with the wet want you inspire

Summer's filling up all of the cracks
Left behind by winter
A sultry Spanish wind breezes through
Causing sweaty palms to melt
Into the blaze of young lover's hearts
They keep their hopes in ball glass jars
Holes punched through to breathe
Short lived still, like so many things
Their twinkle fading with the Dawn

North, South, East and West
Circle round and practice best
Let nothing through that would cause harm
Hold the walls, sound the alarm*

In misty grove she weaved and braided
Her love and kindness never sated
Energy flowed to and from
Body swaying to the midnight hum
Full moon gazed upon white flesh pure
Knowing in silence the loss she endured
To keep her mind clear and her nerves at ease
She lost herself amongst the trees
A spell was spun to heal other's hearts
For her's and grieving would never part
The only cure is to help and to give
That is how she chose to live

He sat numbly
Guitar strings silent beneath still fingers
A sore heart nurtured in the solacial sound of solitude

(pull yourself together)

He edges his lap desk closer
Parchment, ink and quill
To most the page looks blank
Only he can see the clear stain of memory spreading
As it grows larger with each metronome tick

(tear yourself apart)

He ties laces without passion
Single knots for slow walks
The night damp sings softly
Not easing the turmoil
Merely giving it a voice he could not find

*(therapy can be found anywhere, even in the dark)

The subtle slide of your gaze across mine
Weaves through a maze of our bonfire sparks
The gypsy twitch of my star-lit hips
Has your mouth monsoon season
Give it to me soft and sweet
Liquid honey tongue swirler
Closer, gotta get closer
To this ache
Fill it up, work it out, make me beg for it
Pleeeaasseee
Hissed moan whisper plead prayer yes, yes, YES!
Muscle spasm star spangled black out vision. convulse. flood.
This is why you keep on coming back
You've got a spine archer, a mind ******, a tongue twister
And she's all your's

My usual suspects have flown north for the summer
Houses packed up and driven away
The pool house is empty
The concrete dry
Beach umbrellas stand closed and unused
Dreaming of sandy Saturday's soaking up the sun
Postcards come from Canada
The Alaskan snowdrifts also still beautiful and cold
At night my mind wanders to Russian wilderness
Wolf cries and full, silvery moons beckon
Desperate for the wintery breath of time across numb fingers
I wake aching with knowledge
Frost bitten ******* clinging softly to the edges of my now waking mind
Bright sun greets me
Warming my thoughts and skin
Floating aimlessly in tepid chlorine, hostile, alone
Entertaining ideas of motivation
Until I can resist no longer, give in
Letting sleep and dreams of blizzards take me once more

30 years now I've been here
A drop in the bucket
A lifetime full
Realizing that the majority of my 20's
Have been spent loving and caring
For those who's hands have been helpless
Plans laid out that I drew blueprints for
Coming together in squeeze tights ends
I need to learn to let go
Blowing out candles one by one
Each their own silent wish
A milestone reached
*Happy Birthday to me

The echo of his fingertips
Resonates through cyber cerebral tinsel bright ends
I sigh into the lengthening shadows
Knowing that with each minute gone
Another day has passed that I don't know the weight of those echos
I know only of their missing

Wanderlust
Eerie lights bob and weave through twilight mist
The exotic scents of Cajun spice and sweet *** linger
Quiet
Breathing deep bayou heavy air
Settling moistly into clove filled lungs
Chicory sends all the senses ablaze
The skies are big here
Brilliant constellations loom over scattered thoughts
Impressive and singular in their silent sentinel forms
A slowly ebbing tide recedes
It's 3am. The time when dreams die.
Leaving is a constant urge but I always come back
Head stone cold and porous against my tired spine
I've been walking a while
Never really knowing what the night will bring
Always hoping it's winding road will lead to you

Your side of the bed
Is not the same
Without you in it

My hands were little
Where yours where not
Tipped in cherry red satin
Flowers seemed to follow your footsteps
"Hold ya!"
My arms stretched high above your knees
For love
I grew up knowing that comfort
Every tear. Every heartbreak.
Soothed by your whispers
Calmed against the cradle of your heart
When the time comes
For you to  ease into the shadows
Know that these arms will be there
*As your's have always been before

Shadows swirl across a quiet mountain lake
Alabaster skin reflects softly under silver light
There had been a message of mysterious happenings
Dancing, chanting, wild things in the woods at night
She was one of them
Moon child of the old mother
Face turned into her soft rays
The wind whispers through her hair
Telling secrets of times long past
Faster and faster she twirls, twisting high in the air
Embracing the perfect sound
Allowing her soul to soar
"O Goddess of old, ancient one who gave us birth
I give to thee my creative mind, the center of imagination
Flow through me, allow me to be free"
She sang three times on the breeze
Words taken up into the starry skies
She slows and wraps her arms around her middle
Feeling the power of ages seep into her bones
Moon child of the old mother

Eyelids slowly part to soft sunlight
Glowing off of the red highlights
In your beard
Good morning
Mmm...it's always good with you here
Your hardness a welcome bedmate
Birds singing through the window
India Temple incense smoke
Hazing the shadows
Circling the heat between our frames

No one left to hear your curses
No one here to see your verses
Lost amongst the stars and trees
Kneeling softly upon your knees
I would gladly give my blood and tears
To ease you softly into your years
Hopeless though the night may seem
For you the sun will always beam
My hand outstretched with cold blue fire
Offer eternally all that you desire
Filling your coffers with jewels and gold
A lesson that will give you few loves to hold
For in the end you must understand
That I am a God and you merely a man